Open Letter: Why Does God Hate Me?

I received a very touching email from a loyal reader which literally had me in tears. What’s sad is…we get a LOT of emails just like this one! So this time I asked our reader if it was okay to do an open letter (as long as I promised to keep her anonymous).

XXXXX writes:

Hi my name is XXXXXX . I love your blogs and your tweets but I’m having a hard time believing anything you say or tweet. Not calling you a liar, but lately I havent been feeling like faith is enough. i consider myself to be a woman of God but I don’t understand why God would allow me to go through so much pain, heartache, and struggle. Where should I begin? umm let’s see:

2 years ago my husband became very ill and passed away suddenly. Turned out he was was living a double life on the down low and had contracted HIV. After learning about this, I decided to go get tested and I tested positive as well. We have two kids together. My oldest did not contract the virus, but my youngest did. A couple of months after that, my mom passed away. She was my best friend. Oh and did I mention every friend that I thought I had has disappeared. I lost my job, health insurance, home, and about to lose my mind. I’m beginning to think God hates me. I read your tweets/ blog and say to myself  “How can I stay positive when God allows things like this to happen?”  You probably don’t even believe some of the things you tweet yourself. But then again It’s easy for someone who has a decent life to be grateful. But answer me this… If you had my life, “would you be grateful?”

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Hi XXXXXX , My heart really goes out to you and your family. I know it was hard for you to open up to me, so I’ll open up to you!

For starters , I wasn’t always the encouraging person I am today. In fact, it was my past situations, trials, and tribulations  that made me the person ,I am today. Reading your letter I couldn’t help but cry because I used to be you! Our stories are way too similar. No, I don’t have HIV. But I know what it’s like to wonder if God hates you. Years ago, I went through a divorce, I lost my mom, job, I was homeless, Not knowing how I was going to feed my child. Oh and friends? Chile please…. friends are the first to go when you’re down and out. BUT, that’s the way God wants it to be. He wants you to depend on HIM, Not friends. Back then I wasn’t saved, so I didn’t know much about scriptures. But this one bible verse  changed my life  1 Peter 1:6- “So be truly glad. There is wonderful joy ahead, even though you have to endure many trials for a little while. ”

After reading that verse, I decided I had tried it my way (for 2 years) but my life continued to spiral downhill, So I decided to do things God way. I started praising Him for EVERYTHING!  I was thankful that my child and myself was able to sleep on a family members couch instead of having to sleep in my car OR on the street. I was praising Him for food that I didn’t even like, but had to eat because it was all I could afford. My bucket would break down once a month, But guess what? I never complained, I was praising God it was $150 to fix instead of $1,500.  The more I stayed in that word, The more things started to shift. The more I started to praise Him for the little bit I had, the more He gave me.

So trust me when I tell you, EVERYTHING  I tweet/ blog about is real. I can care less about how many re-tweets I get. BUT when someone email, tweet, or message me just to say… They were about to give up, but my message encouraged them to keep going, That makes it all worthwhile. I do it because I remember where I came from. I asked God to use me to encourage others who are where I used to be.

I’m not downplaying your condition, BUT HIV is not a death sentence. You can live a long healthy life with  HIV and outlive someone who doesn’t have HIV. Don’t stop living your life because you’re just waiting to die. Maybe you should think about using your condition  to encourage others who are having a hard time dealing with HIV and thinking about giving up. Ask God to use you  for His Glory and He’ll order your steps. And to answer your question… Yes, I would still be grateful if I had your life. You should too. You should be grateful everyday you wake up because somebody somewhere, DIDN’T!

God Bless you! You are definitely in my prayers.

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61 COMMENTS

  1. Like so many others, I feel like I have been passed over by God.
    He has chosen others to care about but not me. If there is a reason for my being here, that reason has not been exposed in the 45 years I have been here.
    Have not had the chance to love, never been married nor have had any children. Had an accident that disfigured my face. On dates, that is the first thing noticed and mentioned. I am lucky if a date lasts more than 60 seconds. Usually they just get up and leave long before that.
    Each morning I wake up and try to find a reason to carry on. Those reasons no longer come.
    I have prayed and studied the Bible. Was top in my class at Bible study. However, that study only creates more questions than answers. When I pray, I receive no response at all. I have stopped asking for “things” or a miracle of some kind. These days, all I ask is a response that God is there and receiving my messages. Seems even that is too grand a request.

    There are two possibilities:
    1. I am using the incorrect protocol for prayer. In other words, if I don’t pray properly, I will not get any sort of answer.
    Have asked scholars and preachers about this protocol and they just say to read the Bible (never saying where, of course). It is a clean way for them to end the conversation since they have no real answer to offer.
    2. He is receiving my messages but I am not important enough to merit a response.

    It is disheartening to see the testimony and pleas from others with no useful replies. Am a bit scared (ok, really scared) to face the fact that there is no solution for this and I am just wasting my time.
    God has no purpose for me, my steps are not worth guiding.
    It would be so much easier if I could simply not believe but I am burdened with a belief in God above. Sadly, that disconnect with God will never be resolved.

    Goodbye

    Lost

  2. I think God hates me and not only me everyone. He do good things so that some people could worship him and this is how he would become supreme here. I really feel bad for my parents that so much of comfort the had provided me but me on my part doing nothing for them. If he(God) does not want me to help my parents in providing the comforts they deserve then why did he created me and sent me to this family where i dont belong? I think anyone can bear the pain on themselves but to see anyone of your family member suffering it took the very much peace of you and all u can do is pray to him to erase those sufferings but he finds it a good time to showcase his supremacy on all of us. He likes to watch us crying and pleading in front of him becoz he enjoys it. Some times i doubt his presence in this world. I work hard to get a good job so that i can carry the responsibility of my family on my shoulders but He hates me so much that he cant help me in that. I am unemployed and could not excel in my studies too. With no ill will against anyone y i feel the ill will from his side. Is he blind that he cant see or is he deaf that our voice cant reach him. If he is so busy in attending some people then why did he created so many people if he cant take care of all at once. people says hardwork pays off some day but when after it is not required. i try to not loose faith in him and believe in him always but he dont like that i guess to have faith in him. I should rather try a suicide but he so hates me that if i try any such thing he will mot help me to accomplish my task but make my condition even worse. Why does he hate me so much????

  3. I always wondered why jews are so wealthy and successful in life but the crazy part is why were so many jews killed in the Holocaust? I don’t understand why God does what he does…

  4. I too agree, it seems God has chosen people whom he keep his precious love for. I’ve been down and spinning my wheels for years. When I turn to God for answers I receive curses. When I pray, they just hit the ceiling, When I need God the most in my life…He has deliberately denied me as far as I can remember. Finally, love? That is a complete joke in trying to understand. I agree as long as those that seem to have much to be grateful for can praise him. When I awake everyday, I’m constantly faced with more misery then I did before. I’m in so much pain and agony, that living is unbearable.

  5. I too have beenI too have been going thru some really tough times, and totally understand both sides to this… i thought i was living for God, but in hindsight have realized that i wasn’t truly living for Him. See, life isn’t about how many good works we do, not in Gods perspective anyhow, especially if those good works are done in expectation of reward or an easier life. No, what i have realized is that God looks at our hearts, our faith in Him, how much we truly love Him and desire to seek Him in all that we do! Scriptures are not simply feel good riddles, they are the Word of God from which all emanates, and by being in the Word, we become closer to Him, we come to understand what He wants of us, how we grow with Him, through Him! He may have attempted to get us to truly rely on Him other times in ourv lives, we may not have listened or responded, and only He knows how to bring us to our knees, becoming completely dependent on Him! Another very important point to remember -this life isn’t the end, my friends, this earthly life is but the blink of an eye when compared witch eternity. I realized that i should be ever so grateful that God saw me special enough to get my attention in such a drastic way! And i know people will doubt what i am saying, or claim that i am just trying to make myself feel better, but NO, God really allows things to happen so that we take notice to what really matters: eternal life with Him! And the only way that happens after this earthly life, is to find our way back to Him through Jesus Christ, His only begotten Son, who died for us! Amen! And trusting in Jesus, having faith, a heart truly faithful and loving Christ, and then God begins His work in you!! Trust in the Lord with all your heart! Love the Lord with all that you are! Much love, my friends! Have faith, even in our darkest days…. after all, a complete earthly life of pain and suffering cannot compare to eternity in Heaven with our Father, or the alternative in Hell….these are the only two ends of this life, there is no middle ground. It is heaven or hell, thats it!

  6. I feel the same way ..Im always broke,I have bad health,my kid is always in trouble or in the hospital.We are almost homeless.Im losing my friends,Im also losing my faith.Everytime I pray of what Im grateful for turns dark.What I ask for in prayers rarely happens.Im still single,Poor,Depressed,Lonely.I was raised a Catholic-Christian.Im helpless….

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