Ungodly Relationships… An Overcomer’s Testimony

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Let me say first, that God ALWAYS presents the truth to us. Always. He doesn’t leave gray areas of uncertainty. His Spirit shows us, if only in small glimpses sometimes, what we are walking toward and we are given ample time to either move forward in His will or to turn on our heels and jet in the other direction away from trouble.

I was headed for trouble and I knew it but I kept walking toward it. I had asked God months before to release me from what had been on my mind heavily for days. God had released me from him. We hadn’t spoken in upwards of four months. But here I was thinking about him, missing “that old thing.” I kept telling myself to let it go but one day before I could talk myself out of it, I texted him.

That text was the beginning of a spiral so quickly moving downward that by the end, my head was spinning and I was dazed. We texted each other every day for weeks like no time had passed between us. I made sure to make mention frequently of my growing connection with God and my celibacy standards according to my faith. He didn’t really respond. I glossed over that telltale sign thinking, “Oh, he understands. He seems like he’s changed, anyway.”

He hadn’t changed because two months into us talking again, we ended up breaking my vow of celibacy. I say WE because I was there. I was a willing participant. I had abandoned my standards for the affection of a man who never respected me or my standards to begin with. Silly me.

I was overwhelmed afterward, knowing what we had could not continue. He wanted sex and I wanted him but I wanted my relationship with God more. I also knew I had failed God and myself in a promise to honor my temple. How had I gone so wrong? A moment of loneliness caused me to suffer such heartache, pain and guilt and it was my fault. I cried for days and felt like I had failed miserably. But in the midst of it, my sister counseled me wisely:

“You made a bad decision but you repent, ask God’s forgiveness and don’t make the same mistake again. You have to know that you are worth more and that you love God more than to give yourself away to any ol’ body.”

Yes, sometimes we do fall into sexual sin because of our own unchecked emotions and feelings or because of issues from our past but those isolated mistakes do not have to define us. We can get back up if we truly ask forgiveness of our sins, find out why we fell, adjust our behavior and flee the things that caused us to fall. We CAN be overcomers. I am a witness. I was wallowing in the guilt of a bad decision while God was trying to show me that my worth is in Him, not random relationships. I asked God for a way out… AGAIN. And He obliged. I made it clear to my ex that I held no hard feelings but I did not want to keep in touch. I couldn’t keep in touch. I couldn’t continue any form of a relationship with someone who had no regard for God or my decisions concerning my body. I couldn’t continue in a relationship that would tug on my carnal nature and never feed my higher, spiritual nature. I didn’t want to be unequally yoked no matter how good a time we had had in the past. No matter how easy it was to talk to him. No matter how affectionate he seemed toward me.

He tried contacting me multiple times since. They WILL try you, you know. Just to see if they can shake you from your decision. But this time I did not budge.

It’s hard sometimes, making the choice to follow Christ instead of our desire for affection and attention. No matter how holy or saved we are, if we are honest with and about ourselves, we want to feel wanted. We rationalize why this guy isn’t so bad even though he doesn’t have a relationship with Christ and doesn’t honor our commitment to Him. We force ourselves to believe that he really is a good match and that “relationships are all about compromise.” But we stress every day wondering if we’ve made the right decision, secretly knowing that we didn’t because God already revealed this man’s heart to us and the outcome of the situation. Sometimes we don’t want to know what we already know so we suppress the truth because if we don’t we’ll be compelled to face the part we’ve played in our coming undone. So we keep trying to “make it work” by sacrificing our standards one by one until we one day, we look in the mirror and can’t even recognize ourselves anymore. I have been that girl/woman more than once. The enemy uses the guilt to try to keep us in that place of turmoil and sadly, many of us fall for that trick. I had to ask myself some hard questions like, “Are you willing to forfeit your temple, your relationship with God, your self-worth for the attention of a man who values NONE of the above?” I had to be very open and honest with myself and then open and honest with God, asking His forgiveness first and foremost for seeking affirmation outside of Him. And then, I had to begin a DAILY – moment-to-moment, even – walk of purity. Not just in abstaining from sexual intimacy outside of marriage but in guarding my heart. Now, I have to pray daily that whatever emotions I have, whatever feelings may ever begin to rise for the next guy that comes along, I’ll be able to keep myself in line with God’s Word and will. I tell God all about the guy I am interested in and hand over all my emotions to my Creator asking Him to guard my heart until such time as He sees fit to release me to the man of His choosing.

In the meantime, I’ve found myself joyful (and BUSY) moving forward in my purpose, working on ME. I have made a habit of pouring my heart out to God, even in the times when I don’t know what to say. This keeps me on my path and in the moments when old feelings would try to creep into my spirit, I’m fortified and protected by the remembrance of my past mistakes and where they left me as well as the bright hope of Christ-centered love that awaits me if I keep my heart and temple guarded and just continue on this path of clarity, walking in the things of God.

Ashley

Ashley 'La Truly' is a late-blooming Aries whose writing is powered by a lifetime of anecdotal proof that awkward can transform to awesome and fear can cast its crown before courage. La seeks to encourage thought, discussion and change among young women through her writing. Check out her inspirational blog: www.hersoulinc.com and Twitter: @AshleyLaTruly.

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116 Comments

  1. Mecry via Facebook

    February 5, 2013 at 5:40 am

    Amen.

  2. Lesego via Facebook

    February 5, 2013 at 5:40 am

    Amen….

  3. Glynis via Facebook

    February 5, 2013 at 5:41 am

    True so true

  4. Glynis via Facebook

    February 5, 2013 at 5:41 am

    True so true

  5. Glynis via Facebook

    February 5, 2013 at 5:41 am

    True so true

  6. Chiedza via Facebook

    February 5, 2013 at 5:42 am

    amen

  7. Kumby via Facebook

    February 5, 2013 at 5:42 am

    true, amen…

  8. Kumby via Facebook

    February 5, 2013 at 5:42 am

    true, amen…

  9. Kumby via Facebook

    February 5, 2013 at 5:42 am

    true, amen…

  10. Martha via Facebook

    February 5, 2013 at 5:44 am

    Amen

  11. Martha via Facebook

    February 5, 2013 at 5:44 am

    Amen

  12. Martha via Facebook

    February 5, 2013 at 5:44 am

    Amen

  13. Malebogo Lone via Facebook

    February 5, 2013 at 5:47 am

    thank u Jesus. amen.

  14. Malebogo Lone via Facebook

    February 5, 2013 at 5:47 am

    thank u Jesus. amen.

  15. Blessing via Facebook

    February 5, 2013 at 5:49 am

    Amen

  16. Blessing via Facebook

    February 5, 2013 at 5:49 am

    Amen

  17. Hlengzah via Facebook

    February 5, 2013 at 5:52 am

    Halleluya amen.

  18. Hlengzah via Facebook

    February 5, 2013 at 5:52 am

    Halleluya amen.

  19. Renee via Facebook

    February 5, 2013 at 5:53 am

    Amen, say it again….

  20. Renee via Facebook

    February 5, 2013 at 5:53 am

    Amen, say it again….

  21. Renee via Facebook

    February 5, 2013 at 5:53 am

    Amen, say it again….

  22. Mildrate via Facebook

    February 5, 2013 at 5:54 am

    True

  23. Mildrate via Facebook

    February 5, 2013 at 5:54 am

    True

  24. Mildrate via Facebook

    February 5, 2013 at 5:54 am

    True

  25. Petrina

    February 5, 2013 at 5:54 am

    I loved this article it is so true I have experienced some of the same feelings but I never gave in. I realize that
    someday I will be a precious gift to someone and I don’t want to tant that
    with an ungodly man. I know God has a
    plan for me and guys in the world can’t
    understand our specialty as celebate
    women of God. I love me because I am
    F.L.Y. (FIRST LOVE YOURSELF) this is
    where it starts on a daily basis. My singles group will most definitely be discussing this in the future.

  26. Ndumoh via Facebook

    February 5, 2013 at 5:55 am

    Amen

  27. Ndumoh via Facebook

    February 5, 2013 at 5:55 am

    Amen

  28. Ndumoh via Facebook

    February 5, 2013 at 5:55 am

    Amen

  29. Carolyn via Facebook

    February 5, 2013 at 5:56 am

    GREAT message thank u!!

  30. Carolyn via Facebook

    February 5, 2013 at 5:56 am

    GREAT message thank u!!

  31. Carolyn via Facebook

    February 5, 2013 at 5:56 am

    GREAT message thank u!!

  32. Tylia via Facebook

    February 5, 2013 at 5:57 am

    So so true…amen!

  33. Tylia via Facebook

    February 5, 2013 at 5:57 am

    So so true…amen!

  34. Tylia via Facebook

    February 5, 2013 at 5:57 am

    So so true…amen!

  35. Lakendra via Facebook

    February 5, 2013 at 5:58 am

    Amen

  36. Lakendra via Facebook

    February 5, 2013 at 5:58 am

    Amen

  37. Lakendra via Facebook

    February 5, 2013 at 5:58 am

    Amen

  38. Dayna via Facebook

    February 5, 2013 at 6:01 am

    this was exactly the way I felt. God is more important!

  39. Debby via Facebook

    February 5, 2013 at 6:04 am

    AMEN

  40. Shateeka via Facebook

    February 5, 2013 at 6:04 am

    AMEN GLORY TO GOD!!!!!!

  41. Erica via Facebook

    February 5, 2013 at 6:06 am

    amen amen

  42. Thandiwe via Facebook

    February 5, 2013 at 6:08 am

    Amen

  43. Tial Thluai via Facebook

    February 5, 2013 at 6:12 am

    Thanks for sharing this!

  44. Mosele via Facebook

    February 5, 2013 at 6:16 am

    What a wake up call

  45. Joseph via Facebook

    February 5, 2013 at 6:17 am

    Amen and amen thank you.

  46. Shelly Ann via Facebook

    February 5, 2013 at 6:20 am

    amen thank you jesus

  47. Khule via Facebook

    February 5, 2013 at 6:21 am

    Indeed!

  48. Lisa

    February 5, 2013 at 6:22 am

    WOW!!!!

  49. Alice via Facebook

    February 5, 2013 at 6:25 am

    I feel this spke to me & right on the mark of my life. Wow thanks for the post.

  50. Netty via Facebook

    February 5, 2013 at 6:28 am

    Amen!!

  51. Mattie via Facebook

    February 5, 2013 at 6:36 am

    Amen! Amen!

  52. O.b. via Facebook

    February 5, 2013 at 6:38 am

    So needed to read this. Thanks for sharing!

  53. Tominique via Facebook

    February 5, 2013 at 6:40 am

    Thanks for sharing, right on point!!!

  54. Candace via Facebook

    February 5, 2013 at 6:55 am

    Amen!

  55. Melissa via Facebook

    February 5, 2013 at 6:56 am

    great read..

  56. claritza

    February 5, 2013 at 6:59 am

    This cannot be more accurate to my life! I believe so many of us fall through this spiral. Unfortunately, not many understand how to handle a woman who has fallen in such disarray. We r quickly criticized and marked. Thank you for sharing a story that is all too familiar to women but ashamed to share.

  57. Jennifer via Facebook

    February 5, 2013 at 7:12 am

    This is a great article! I have been there…

  58. Whitney

    February 5, 2013 at 7:15 am

    #Amen
    Read me like a book…..

  59. Nkemie via Facebook

    February 5, 2013 at 7:28 am

    I wil alwayz remember dat, thnk you very much.

  60. Joyce via Facebook

    February 5, 2013 at 7:29 am

    So true.❤

  61. Tasha via Facebook

    February 5, 2013 at 7:39 am

    This hit a spot 4 me THANK U I NEEDED DIS….

  62. Shyie via Facebook

    February 5, 2013 at 7:39 am

    tru dat

  63. Plaxedes via Facebook

    February 5, 2013 at 8:20 am

    True

  64. Bernice via Facebook

    February 5, 2013 at 8:47 am

    So true

  65. Joey via Facebook

    February 5, 2013 at 8:59 am

    Amen nd dats so very true

  66. Suzanne

    February 5, 2013 at 9:02 am

    This is just what I needed to hear!! After 39 years of marriage I just didn’t know what to do. I put my husband before God and that was wrong. Now I have a relationship with God. I want nothing else but it is all so over whelming sometimes. I lost my husband who is 62 years old to a 38 year old woman who is married and has 3 children. I don’t understand but maybe Ian not supposed to.

    • Jesus first

      January 27, 2014 at 12:35 pm

      I know it’s been like a year since you posted, but for what it’s worth, I’m proud of you for putting God first. Your husband made a terrible choice in cheating on you, but it reflects on him and his character and not on your worth or significance. You may have made mistakes, and yes, it takes two to tango, but both parties have to be responsible FOR themselves and TO their spouse. I feel sad for him that he was deceived and followed lusts instead of the leading of the Lord, which was obviously to work on his own heart and marriage for the glory of God. If it’s any comfort, all this will be a drop in the bucket once we are in Heaven. Keep living for the eternal purposes of God. You will have much fruit to show for your life if you forgive and live on fire for Jesus.

  67. Janice via Facebook

    February 5, 2013 at 9:54 am

    true

  68. Suphiwe via Facebook

    February 5, 2013 at 10:00 am

    Amen

  69. Karen via Facebook

    February 5, 2013 at 10:03 am

    true

  70. Terry via Facebook

    February 5, 2013 at 10:28 am

    Well put

  71. Sylvia via Facebook

    February 5, 2013 at 11:09 am

    True dat

  72. Rebecca via Facebook

    February 5, 2013 at 11:22 am

    Its true thank u

  73. Sherene via Facebook

    February 5, 2013 at 11:39 am

    so true,,,

  74. Zinhle via Facebook

    February 5, 2013 at 11:44 am

    yes god in jesus amen

  75. airamoehi faustina

    February 5, 2013 at 11:59 am

    yes we dont have to compromise our standard in christ to ungodly men,i bless GOD for this teaching

  76. Londiwe via Facebook

    February 5, 2013 at 1:07 pm

    Ameen

  77. Karlene via Facebook

    February 5, 2013 at 1:19 pm

    exactly so…amen

  78. Dina via Facebook

    February 5, 2013 at 3:40 pm

    This is truly so. I thank God for my rescue.

  79. Lungzzza

    February 5, 2013 at 6:37 pm

    Sometimes we need these kind of men to push us back to God.These men force us to remember who we are in God and once we’ve done that we stop seeking approval from them.

    “If someone shows you who they really are, Believe them the first time.”-Maya Angelou

    We run away from the truth that could save us so much trouble because we have selfish needs that we want people to satisfy.We have been made to believe that love is suppose to hurt and hence we stay in relationships that break us.
    When we stop making gods out of people,we’l stop asking for the impossible.

    God sees your efforts and He knows your heart!
    Thank you for sharing your story and helping us grow..

    God bless!

    • Jesus first

      January 27, 2014 at 12:45 pm

      So true! People reveal who they are, but sometimes we can’t accept them in that light because we feel that we need them in our lives, so we laugh off the warning signs or act like blaring problem areas are no big deal. I love the saying, “What it takes to get you there, it’ll take to keep you there.” Can you put up with compromised living long term? Don’t compromise all your godly standards and squish down who you really are for anybody. Nobody loves you like Jesus. You will hate yourself and blame the other person for “making” you change and compromise, but truly it’s not their fault– A person of character doesn’t cave in to please other people. Let’s become strong-hearted women of God who stand for the Word and truth in this almost godless hour of history. It’s time to grow up!!

  80. Sosoni Tshidi via Facebook

    February 5, 2013 at 8:27 pm

    true tht

  81. Prisca via Facebook

    February 5, 2013 at 11:43 pm

    very true

  82. Lizz via Facebook

    February 6, 2013 at 4:43 am

    Shout it LOUD,..))) FROM THE ROOF TOPS GAL!!

  83. Kudakwashe via Facebook

    February 6, 2013 at 5:17 am

    this story is so true!

  84. Odo via Facebook

    February 6, 2013 at 5:55 am

    That’s ture

  85. Sophia via Facebook

    February 7, 2013 at 11:40 am

    I second u on this……

  86. Margaret via Facebook

    February 8, 2013 at 10:58 am

    Thank you Jesus! Just what I needed to hear right now!!

  87. Margaret via Facebook

    February 8, 2013 at 10:58 am

    Thank you Jesus! Just what I needed to hear right now!!

  88. Latoya via Facebook

    February 9, 2013 at 5:21 pm

    truuuu

  89. Lally via Facebook

    February 10, 2013 at 12:14 pm

    Oh Lord.

  90. Derailed

    February 15, 2013 at 11:51 pm

    So soothing to hear that I haven’t been struggling with ungodly relationships alone… I hope God forgives me for the last relationship I was in, which I went into aware it was a mistake… God give me strength to save myself for the man you have made for me… Thank you Amen!

  91. Laura

    March 15, 2013 at 1:19 am

    Thank you for sharing this! I needed this so much… i just got out of a 5 1/2 year relationship of up and downs and I would always try to find an excuses.. i miss him so much but I want God more, your story really helped me God keep blessing you!

  92. Charlene

    December 2, 2013 at 12:18 pm

    I am truly thankful to God and the author for this timely message. I am in the midst of such an experience, just what I needed to get me out before I make the same mistake. Once again Thank You soooooooo much for sharing, it ahs been a great help.

  93. Patie

    December 2, 2013 at 8:27 pm

    surely this is the word of wisdom, power and life.The word that has given me answers to the question in my heart so help me God to make the right choices in life. for sometimes our situations mislead us.

  94. wealth victoria

    December 19, 2013 at 9:46 am

    Thanks for sharing this is just what i need at this point in my life. once again thanks.

  95. Melissa Love

    January 4, 2014 at 7:32 pm

    I understand, and I am in that place in my life. I am married to my husband for almost 9 years, and I have always struggled cuz I put my husband over God.

  96. xavv

    January 20, 2014 at 3:24 pm

    It’s like you read my story back to me all over again. I too have been able to overcome by God’s grace. Thank you so much for sharing for the sake of those people who are still struggling in this area, God bless you xxx

  97. Meg

    January 27, 2014 at 10:29 am

    You just described 5 years of my life! I am happy to say I too opened my eyes and let God take the wheel.

    Thank you for sharing this!

  98. Jesus first

    January 27, 2014 at 12:55 pm

    So proud of the brave women who chose to make Jesus #1 and forsake sinful relationships and the lies of the enemy!! Awesome and encouraging to read their testimonies of grace and determination to overcome! God is so good!

  99. Angela

    January 27, 2014 at 4:26 pm

    Needed to hear this, going through the same thing myself.

  100. Vee

    January 28, 2014 at 1:03 am

    I am currently going thru exactly the same scenario…………….and I keep going back to him, and every time I go back to him I move further from God………….I keep praying for him to get to know God as he is not christian………..he finally agreed to go with me to church (1st time ever), and I pray that God will perform the miracle in his life…………….but it is all in God`s hands, I need to surrender to God and His will, and stop following my own will

  101. GKWilkins

    January 28, 2014 at 7:08 am

    Walking in the Holy Spirit will give you the freedom promised!

  102. JOYCE

    January 28, 2014 at 5:10 pm

    AS I WAS READING THIS I WAS READING ME SO THANK YOU FOR SHEDDING SOME LIGHT ON MY SITUATION

  103. Eva

    January 28, 2014 at 5:36 pm

    You just told my story. When I was just 20 I gave myself to a man I shouldn’t have even been with. I was warned, but I didn’t listen. I ended up marrying him, getting pregnant and before our daughter was born, learned of his alcohol addiction. That began 18 years of a miserable marriage. I am now divorced and leading a DivorceCare support group and have a new identity as a godly woman. I’m so glad you ended the relationship before it went as far as mine did!

  104. Honesty

    January 29, 2014 at 5:18 am

    You all know that there’s no such thing as God right, might as well just give it up & enjoy yourselves, sex is fun stop letting religion stop your fun, religion is the true manipulator, controller, exploiter

    • Pepsylicious

      May 20, 2014 at 6:43 am

      It ain’t about religion but about relationship with God and I pray that you will have that one day ..then you will understand

  105. Pepsylicious

    May 20, 2014 at 6:39 am

    I relate but I God for another chance …I feel like I wrote this story …amen &amen

  106. Lebogang

    July 17, 2014 at 1:38 am

    I like, ilike. keep ‘em coming!!

  107. Dee

    July 29, 2014 at 6:18 pm

    Awesome. I can relate to everything you wrote, it is almost as if my thoughts were writing down. Lord I need your help.

  108. mehluli moyo

    August 6, 2014 at 1:19 pm

    What a touching testimony.Women are very luck to get someone who openly share her experiences,which most of them could not have shared.Its true,out there they are so many who are faced with such scenarios.If you are one of them,the best solution has been delivered to you @ your comfort zone.Great article indeed!

  109. philippa

    August 6, 2014 at 1:23 pm

    beautifully written, God is using you as a vessel sis, truly blessed me x

  110. Kay

    August 6, 2014 at 3:02 pm

    THIS IS EXACTLY WHAT I’M FACING!!! It’s so crazy how the Holy Spirit leads you to see things that you’ve been praying about in more that one ways. I stumbled upon this article on FB and I’m amazed at how this article is EVERYTHING I’m dealing with myself. Thank you God for revealing this to me, the hardest part is letting go like the author of this article said…but God first. Mankind after. Amen.

    • L

      August 6, 2014 at 6:30 pm

      Kay you took the words right out of my mouth. I feel the exact same way! This a huge struggle I have been going through. Minutes before I read this article I prayed God would reveal the truth to me.

  111. Tanya

    August 8, 2014 at 7:01 am

    I thank you so much for this article, I can relate because you just wrote about my life. I went as far as blocking the person from contacting me then eventually erasing his contact information. After a year, he found away to contact me through another source. I’m very thankful for the time that I’ve spent with God that I’m stronger, but I also know that he’s still a weakness for me so I continue to pray for strength. I definitely know that distance is a requirement, and that’s a promise that I plan to Keep with God. Again, thank you and God bless you on your journey. You’ve touched the lives of many with your post.

  112. Sena

    August 10, 2014 at 1:46 am

    Thank you for sharing this iys such an eye opener, just ended a relationship that started 3 months again , l was desperate for a man figure in my life that l jumped into a relationship with the first guy that came my way
    in short he shown me hell , turning blames on me , never taking responsibilities , and above all insulting christians , l am free from him now and l thank God for giving the strength to move on .

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