Ungodly Relationships… An Overcomer’s Testimony


Let me say first, that God ALWAYS presents the truth to us. Always. He doesn’t leave gray areas of uncertainty. His Spirit shows us, if only in small glimpses sometimes, what we are walking toward and we are given ample time to either move forward in His will or to turn on our heels and jet in the other direction away from trouble.

I was headed for trouble and I knew it but I kept walking toward it. I had asked God months before to release me from what had been on my mind heavily for days. God had released me from him. We hadn’t spoken in upwards of four months. But here I was thinking about him, missing “that old thing.” I kept telling myself to let it go but one day before I could talk myself out of it, I texted him.

That text was the beginning of a spiral so quickly moving downward that by the end, my head was spinning and I was dazed. We texted each other every day for weeks like no time had passed between us. I made sure to make mention frequently of my growing connection with God and my celibacy standards according to my faith. He didn’t really respond. I glossed over that telltale sign thinking, “Oh, he understands. He seems like he’s changed, anyway.”

He hadn’t changed because two months into us talking again, we ended up breaking my vow of celibacy. I say WE because I was there. I was a willing participant. I had abandoned my standards for the affection of a man who never respected me or my standards to begin with. Silly me.

I was overwhelmed afterward, knowing what we had could not continue. He wanted sex and I wanted him but I wanted my relationship with God more. I also knew I had failed God and myself in a promise to honor my temple. How had I gone so wrong? A moment of loneliness caused me to suffer such heartache, pain and guilt and it was my fault. I cried for days and felt like I had failed miserably. But in the midst of it, my sister counseled me wisely:

“You made a bad decision but you repent, ask God’s forgiveness and don’t make the same mistake again. You have to know that you are worth more and that you love God more than to give yourself away to any ol’ body.”

Yes, sometimes we do fall into sexual sin because of our own unchecked emotions and feelings or because of issues from our past but those isolated mistakes do not have to define us. We can get back up if we truly ask forgiveness of our sins, find out why we fell, adjust our behavior and flee the things that caused us to fall. We CAN be overcomers. I am a witness. I was wallowing in the guilt of a bad decision while God was trying to show me that my worth is in Him, not random relationships. I asked God for a way out… AGAIN. And He obliged. I made it clear to my ex that I held no hard feelings but I did not want to keep in touch. I couldn’t keep in touch. I couldn’t continue any form of a relationship with someone who had no regard for God or my decisions concerning my body. I couldn’t continue in a relationship that would tug on my carnal nature and never feed my higher, spiritual nature. I didn’t want to be unequally yoked no matter how good a time we had had in the past. No matter how easy it was to talk to him. No matter how affectionate he seemed toward me.

He tried contacting me multiple times since. They WILL try you, you know. Just to see if they can shake you from your decision. But this time I did not budge.

It’s hard sometimes, making the choice to follow Christ instead of our desire for affection and attention. No matter how holy or saved we are, if we are honest with and about ourselves, we want to feel wanted. We rationalize why this guy isn’t so bad even though he doesn’t have a relationship with Christ and doesn’t honor our commitment to Him. We force ourselves to believe that he really is a good match and that “relationships are all about compromise.” But we stress every day wondering if we’ve made the right decision, secretly knowing that we didn’t because God already revealed this man’s heart to us and the outcome of the situation. Sometimes we don’t want to know what we already know so we suppress the truth because if we don’t we’ll be compelled to face the part we’ve played in our coming undone. So we keep trying to “make it work” by sacrificing our standards one by one until we one day, we look in the mirror and can’t even recognize ourselves anymore. I have been that girl/woman more than once. The enemy uses the guilt to try to keep us in that place of turmoil and sadly, many of us fall for that trick. I had to ask myself some hard questions like, “Are you willing to forfeit your temple, your relationship with God, your self-worth for the attention of a man who values NONE of the above?” I had to be very open and honest with myself and then open and honest with God, asking His forgiveness first and foremost for seeking affirmation outside of Him. And then, I had to begin a DAILY – moment-to-moment, even – walk of purity. Not just in abstaining from sexual intimacy outside of marriage but in guarding my heart. Now, I have to pray daily that whatever emotions I have, whatever feelings may ever begin to rise for the next guy that comes along, I’ll be able to keep myself in line with God’s Word and will. I tell God all about the guy I am interested in and hand over all my emotions to my Creator asking Him to guard my heart until such time as He sees fit to release me to the man of His choosing.

In the meantime, I’ve found myself joyful (and BUSY) moving forward in my purpose, working on ME. I have made a habit of pouring my heart out to God, even in the times when I don’t know what to say. This keeps me on my path and in the moments when old feelings would try to creep into my spirit, I’m fortified and protected by the remembrance of my past mistakes and where they left me as well as the bright hope of Christ-centered love that awaits me if I keep my heart and temple guarded and just continue on this path of clarity, walking in the things of God.


Visit her at AshleyJH.com

Latest posts by Ashley (see all)

Previous articlePrayer Request: Intervention For Marital Bliss
Next articleThe Power of Prayer: Wherever We Are and In Whatever We Do


  1. I loved this article it is so true I have experienced some of the same feelings but I never gave in. I realize that
    someday I will be a precious gift to someone and I don’t want to tant that
    with an ungodly man. I know God has a
    plan for me and guys in the world can’t
    understand our specialty as celebate
    women of God. I love me because I am
    F.L.Y. (FIRST LOVE YOURSELF) this is
    where it starts on a daily basis. My singles group will most definitely be discussing this in the future.

  2. This cannot be more accurate to my life! I believe so many of us fall through this spiral. Unfortunately, not many understand how to handle a woman who has fallen in such disarray. We r quickly criticized and marked. Thank you for sharing a story that is all too familiar to women but ashamed to share.

  3. This is just what I needed to hear!! After 39 years of marriage I just didn’t know what to do. I put my husband before God and that was wrong. Now I have a relationship with God. I want nothing else but it is all so over whelming sometimes. I lost my husband who is 62 years old to a 38 year old woman who is married and has 3 children. I don’t understand but maybe Ian not supposed to.

    • I know it’s been like a year since you posted, but for what it’s worth, I’m proud of you for putting God first. Your husband made a terrible choice in cheating on you, but it reflects on him and his character and not on your worth or significance. You may have made mistakes, and yes, it takes two to tango, but both parties have to be responsible FOR themselves and TO their spouse. I feel sad for him that he was deceived and followed lusts instead of the leading of the Lord, which was obviously to work on his own heart and marriage for the glory of God. If it’s any comfort, all this will be a drop in the bucket once we are in Heaven. Keep living for the eternal purposes of God. You will have much fruit to show for your life if you forgive and live on fire for Jesus.

  4. Sometimes we need these kind of men to push us back to God.These men force us to remember who we are in God and once we’ve done that we stop seeking approval from them.

    “If someone shows you who they really are, Believe them the first time.”-Maya Angelou

    We run away from the truth that could save us so much trouble because we have selfish needs that we want people to satisfy.We have been made to believe that love is suppose to hurt and hence we stay in relationships that break us.
    When we stop making gods out of people,we’l stop asking for the impossible.

    God sees your efforts and He knows your heart!
    Thank you for sharing your story and helping us grow..

    God bless!

    • So true! People reveal who they are, but sometimes we can’t accept them in that light because we feel that we need them in our lives, so we laugh off the warning signs or act like blaring problem areas are no big deal. I love the saying, “What it takes to get you there, it’ll take to keep you there.” Can you put up with compromised living long term? Don’t compromise all your godly standards and squish down who you really are for anybody. Nobody loves you like Jesus. You will hate yourself and blame the other person for “making” you change and compromise, but truly it’s not their fault– A person of character doesn’t cave in to please other people. Let’s become strong-hearted women of God who stand for the Word and truth in this almost godless hour of history. It’s time to grow up!!

  5. So soothing to hear that I haven’t been struggling with ungodly relationships alone… I hope God forgives me for the last relationship I was in, which I went into aware it was a mistake… God give me strength to save myself for the man you have made for me… Thank you Amen!

  6. Thank you for sharing this! I needed this so much… i just got out of a 5 1/2 year relationship of up and downs and I would always try to find an excuses.. i miss him so much but I want God more, your story really helped me God keep blessing you!

  7. I am truly thankful to God and the author for this timely message. I am in the midst of such an experience, just what I needed to get me out before I make the same mistake. Once again Thank You soooooooo much for sharing, it ahs been a great help.

  8. surely this is the word of wisdom, power and life.The word that has given me answers to the question in my heart so help me God to make the right choices in life. for sometimes our situations mislead us.

  9. I understand, and I am in that place in my life. I am married to my husband for almost 9 years, and I have always struggled cuz I put my husband over God.

  10. It’s like you read my story back to me all over again. I too have been able to overcome by God’s grace. Thank you so much for sharing for the sake of those people who are still struggling in this area, God bless you xxx

  11. So proud of the brave women who chose to make Jesus #1 and forsake sinful relationships and the lies of the enemy!! Awesome and encouraging to read their testimonies of grace and determination to overcome! God is so good!

  12. I am currently going thru exactly the same scenario…………….and I keep going back to him, and every time I go back to him I move further from God………….I keep praying for him to get to know God as he is not christian………..he finally agreed to go with me to church (1st time ever), and I pray that God will perform the miracle in his life…………….but it is all in God`s hands, I need to surrender to God and His will, and stop following my own will

  13. You just told my story. When I was just 20 I gave myself to a man I shouldn’t have even been with. I was warned, but I didn’t listen. I ended up marrying him, getting pregnant and before our daughter was born, learned of his alcohol addiction. That began 18 years of a miserable marriage. I am now divorced and leading a DivorceCare support group and have a new identity as a godly woman. I’m so glad you ended the relationship before it went as far as mine did!

  14. You all know that there’s no such thing as God right, might as well just give it up & enjoy yourselves, sex is fun stop letting religion stop your fun, religion is the true manipulator, controller, exploiter

    • It ain’t about religion but about relationship with God and I pray that you will have that one day ..then you will understand

  15. Awesome. I can relate to everything you wrote, it is almost as if my thoughts were writing down. Lord I need your help.

  16. What a touching testimony.Women are very luck to get someone who openly share her experiences,which most of them could not have shared.Its true,out there they are so many who are faced with such scenarios.If you are one of them,the best solution has been delivered to you @ your comfort zone.Great article indeed!

  17. THIS IS EXACTLY WHAT I’M FACING!!! It’s so crazy how the Holy Spirit leads you to see things that you’ve been praying about in more that one ways. I stumbled upon this article on FB and I’m amazed at how this article is EVERYTHING I’m dealing with myself. Thank you God for revealing this to me, the hardest part is letting go like the author of this article said…but God first. Mankind after. Amen.

    • Kay you took the words right out of my mouth. I feel the exact same way! This a huge struggle I have been going through. Minutes before I read this article I prayed God would reveal the truth to me.

  18. I thank you so much for this article, I can relate because you just wrote about my life. I went as far as blocking the person from contacting me then eventually erasing his contact information. After a year, he found away to contact me through another source. I’m very thankful for the time that I’ve spent with God that I’m stronger, but I also know that he’s still a weakness for me so I continue to pray for strength. I definitely know that distance is a requirement, and that’s a promise that I plan to Keep with God. Again, thank you and God bless you on your journey. You’ve touched the lives of many with your post.

  19. Thank you for sharing this iys such an eye opener, just ended a relationship that started 3 months again , l was desperate for a man figure in my life that l jumped into a relationship with the first guy that came my way
    in short he shown me hell , turning blames on me , never taking responsibilities , and above all insulting christians , l am free from him now and l thank God for giving the strength to move on .

  20. Are you in a relationship or married, if so your statement are true and i commend you on your belief. Im a single black man that know Yeshua, he is the true living God. But if you are not married or in a relationship then what are you saying? Do you go to a homeless man for finical advices, or a blind man’s perspective of a painting. We as sheep of a flock need to follow the shepherds not other sheep, and definitely not wolves with sheep clothing; not implying you are. I am not arguing with the statement that your body is your temple, and u should wait for only your husband. My disagreement is if your quote on quote boy friend needs Ya in there life don’t cut them off, while Ya is working on that man. Its like having all the ingredients to make bread and u don’t have yeast, what you do throw it way. If so then you’ll be hungry, and don’t say “oh I’m just fasting”.Knowing you had the everything but the yeast, you had the man but not a finish product. Maybe you not a finish produce yourself and it’s easy to give up on someone else because your God said so. That may be harsh, but that how i feel. Im sorry, but that’s how i feel. Now on another hand if this guy is just dogging you out then yes he need to go. Don’t get burned out from a bum, and have nothing left for Mr. Right or Mr. Almost Right. Because we are all a working progress.

    Ya bless

    • I completely disagree. If I understood your comment correctly, you feel that even tho this guy is not as spiritually mature as her, she should still stick by his side because he needs her support? He does not NEED her to change or grow, he NEEDS God to do that. If this relationship causes them to engage in premarital sex or other things that are but pleasing to God and is a weakness, then it Is best to keep distance from each other. And if he was really trying to change, he would feel the same way. It is not rude. Sometimes you HAVE to cut off people in order to walk in God’s will. That’s why a lot if times people stay in toxic relationships because they feel this person NEEDS them or you feel you need that person. And even tho it’s clearly spiraling downhill, they still decide to stay together. And if Gid really wants them together, then He will make it happen when He believes both are ready to be in an honoring relationship. Until then, there is nothing wrong with keeping distance to allow God to work on yourself

      • But how would he come to know god if not lead by example. You women tend to take unequally yoked as if written in stone. But I see it as all things in life is worth it only if you work for it. It’s fine if you don’t want a relationship built from the ground up, those “pre-fabs” sounds wonderful whilst building foundation upon sand. I am an unbeliever according to her cause I’m not a born again, but I am a Roman Catholic which I later found out isn’t worthy. She wanted me to become a born again for her, but I said my relationship with God is not to please her, it’s to serve him and if I became a born again for her wouldn’t that defeat the purpose?
        Having a relationship with God is a personal thing, running and boasting your a born-again is as good as the boy who cries wolf. In our year together we didn’t have sex even though the temptation was present. But I respected her beliefs and as such never started any intimacy, and you know what; she would call me soft and other names but I never fell for it cause I knew she was baiting me. And if she really wanted to have sex then to me she wouldn’t be worth it as her “specialness” was her standards and beliefs. Equally yoked; great idea, poor execution.

  21. Sad that there isnt much compassion or any information about the man who is either lost or struggling with his own faith. It dehumanizes him and I think that is tragic.

  22. Thank you so much for this. I am struggling with keeping my feelings & emotions aligned with God’s will. He showed me a way out of a relationship where we genuinely wanted to honor God & follow Him in our relationship, but we failed so many times. And I asked Him so many times to fix it & He guided me through it & out of it. But now, my feelings are hurt & I’m wanting to be with him & seeing him with another girl is tearing me apart. Feeling like I wasn’t good enough, like he never loved me, that he likes her better because she’s closer to God than I am. All these emotions & lies that are tearing me apart.

  23. This is a very relevant topic. The struggles for women who desire to be faithful to God is real. The reality is that we were not created to be alone and therefore there is always that desire in our hearts for the opposite sex. i have not spoken to many Christian or God fearing men about waiting to have sex until marriage but I am of the opinion based on my observation that men rather not wait. I was in a situation where this guy made it known that he really wanted to marry me and thought that I was someone he would like to spend the rest of his life with but he made it clear that he wasnt ready for a committed relationship and that he would seek the company of other women who were willing to have sex with him, but it was just sex. He is a “Christian” and he knows what God’s stance is in his life. For a few weeks I thought that it was okay, since he was honest and he made his intentions known, he also made it known that he will come back to me, as I am his hearts desire, but he wanted sex and I wasnt prepared to. After praying and placing my situation in God’s hands…I realize that I did not want to be a part of that mess. He was choosing him; and if I also choose him, then who was gonna choose me. Although he was the nicest person I ever met and although there was everything about him that I loved and admired, I knew that I had to forget about a relationship with him and simply just decide to be his friend. It has been very very difficult because a part of me was saying if you just have sex with him, then everything will be okay and he will not need to be with anyone else.. but God was so present in my life that he made it clear that I deserved better….and So I choose to wait on the Lord. It is not easy but its worth it. To those who says there is no God… I can only say if you refuse to do it for God then at least do it for yourself!

  24. Thank you so much for this post. I am currently going through this. I am stuck in a relationship with a guy who isnt godly. He claims to be Christian but isnt. I fell in love with him unfortunately and am living with him.I know this relationship is wrong and cant bring myself to end it. I dont know how to escape and keep praying for an exit and the strength to leave when that opportunity approaches. How’d you finally come to vet yourself to a place of a definite “i’m outta here, enough is enough”

  25. I keep asking myself” what is attracting me to this guy?” though I haven’t broken my vow of celibacy but I know it’s just the grace of God! This is what I need right now..”then, I had to begin a
    DAILY – moment-to-moment, even –
    walk of purity. Not just in abstaining
    from sexual intimacy outside of
    marriage but in guarding my heart.
    Now, I have to pray daily that whatever
    emotions I have, whatever feelings may
    ever begin to rise for the next guy that
    comes along, I’ll be able to keep myself
    in line with God’s Word and will. I tell
    God all about the guy I am interested in
    and hand over all my emotions to my
    Creator asking Him to guard my heart
    until such time as He sees fit to release
    me to the man of His choosing.”

  26. i am currently facing this scenario… i let go of that ungodly relationship coz i choose to honor God and obey Him.. it is painful but God knows whats best for me. . My brothers and sisters in Christ. pray with me that may the Lord continue to guard my heart as i choose His path of righteousness And to walk in the light… and to be consistent in my quiet time with God… to meditate in His Word day and night..thank u.. God bless us all..

  27. good eve… I am currently facing this scenario… i let go of that ungodly relationship coz i choose to honor God and obey Him.. it is painful but God knows whats best for me. . My brothers and sisters in Christ. pray with me that may the Lord continue to guard my heart as i choose His path of righteousness And to walk in the light… and to be consistent in my quiet time with God… to meditate in His Word day and night..thank u.. God bless us all..

  28. This is exactly what I’m going through right now. The moments of wanting so bad to contact them, but knowing its best to let it go. It’s very difficult.