As a single Christian woman who desires marriage, I can say hands down that nothing was more frustrating to me than getting bad advice from people who didn’t understand my situation. “Stop wanting marriage and it will come to you”. “Just be happy God gave you the gift of singleness”. “Ask God for your Boaz”. I’m sorry, but none of these has scriptural justification in every situation. David said delight yourself in the Lord and He will give you the desires of your heart. Paul said if you’re burning – it’s best for you to get married. And Ruth didn’t pray for “a Boaz”. She met Boaz out working trying to survive. And anyways – every single Christian woman is not a Ruth! Some are Deborah’s. Others are Lydia’s or Hannah’s. Telling someone to pray for something that God may not have in mind for them… bad advice.
But I’ve digressed. Many godly, well-meaning friends and family members really do want to see you happy, but they don’t really understand you or your situation. Others caught amnesia and forgot all about the nights they spent laid out on the floor praying and begging God to “please let me get married before the Rapture!” To the other extreme, people who aren’t thinking about living God’s way will give you advice that might get you married. But if you have fellowship with God, the method could cost you peace and could distance you from God.
So what does a single Christian woman do when she desires marriage and feels like she’s not making any progress towards that goal? I’m still single, but what I’m offering my fellow single sisters in Christ is counsel that I know works. The best thing you can do to not only prepare for marriage but to speak it into existence – so to speak – is to pray for your future husband. The one who just needs to find you so you can date, court, and then get married – in God’s way and timing.
If you’re single, here are 3 specific things you should pray for your future husband:
Pray that God keeps him from counterfeit. Especially counterfeit that looks good to him. A male friend of mine told me that men want the real deal, but there’s a lot of counterfeit. To which my question was “So men don’t trust their ability to distinguish between counterfeit and the real thing?” He said “Afi, it’s hard. There’s a lot of counterfeit. There’s a lot of it out here”. Ladies, men are moved so often by what they see. Not that we aren’t. But men in particular are. So pray that he’s able to distinguish between you (the real thing) and someone that is counterfeit.
Pray that he’s open to God’s leading. I say it like this because your guy may not have an especially strong relationship with God when you meet him. Whether or not you need someone exactly where you are spiritually is a discussion for another day. But every married Christian woman I know who dated and then married God’s way told me that they met their husband through a chance meeting. If she or her husband had turned the opportunity down – who knows what would have happened. Maybe they never would have met, or the dating process for them may have taken longer. Only God knows. So pray that he’s open to God’s leading in his life and in those things concerning you.
Pray that God is developing his character and his heart. So often we get caught up in externals. We get picky over how a man looks, the kind of job he has, the kind of clothes he wears, the car he drives. And as a result, we miss the true condition of his heart and character. A man with a good heart can easily buy new clothes if they’re outdated. Only God can change a man’s heart.
John 14: 13 – 14 says that we can ask for anything in Jesus’ name and he’ll do it to glorify the father. So you’ll never know the possibilities in store for you unless you pray for your husband and pray over him in such a way that your request is for God’s glory. So identify what’s in your heart concerning a husband and keep praying! Keep praying and ask God to speak directly to you and give you a fresh understanding of dating to marriage – in His way and timing.