Here are 5 ways to know if you are chasing a man and 5 key verses to keep you stay grounded in your relationship with Christ first.
You’re Seeking a Man’s Validation Instead of God’s
It can be easy to seek validation from a man to fill a void through companionship. It’s natural that as people, we want to be liked. Whether it’s a work colleague, friend or a relationship interest we often seek validation through people, forgetting to find it in our relationship with Jesus first.
It is important to remember that our ultimate self-worth and value is found in Christ alone and not in the opinions of others. Desiring a relationship is a good thing, but when we use it to validate our self-worth we are missing the mark as Christians. At the end of the day, only God can fill our heart shaped hole.
Growing up, I would often seek validation from men. If I had a crush on a guy, I had a desperate need for him to like me. And if he didn’t I was left feeling slightly worthless and not up to par. Having not found my true worth in Christ alone, I had left it in the hands of another human being and as a result, I was left disappointed. In my later years, I found that people and relationships can never validate your self-worth; because the only validation you ever needed was already paid on the cross.
‘’This is how we know what love is: Jesus Christ laid down his life for us’’. 1 John 3:16
Desperation Equals Depletion
Are you constantly the one calling him? Initiating contact? Setting up dates and texting? This does not give a guy the space and time to come to you and therefore, how will you know that he’s really interested in you?
If you spend all your energy on trying to get him to like you, sending him unnecessary messages, or asking him ‘’Where are we in the relationship?’’, then you’re the one pulling all the strings, trying to make something happen. When you do this, it is easy to give off the desperate vibe and feel depleted, drained and discouraged. And having put all your energy into something that is a way one way street depletes it.
What should you do? Give it over to God and let Him be the one to take control. He knows the desires of your heart and you can trust Him with those desires. Always be friendly of course, but there is a difference between friendliness and desperation. Are you desperate for a relationship a guy or with Christ? Leave it to Jesus and let the right guy find you, and when I write ‘find you’ I mean let him find your heart.
“He who finds a wife finds what is good and receives favor from the LORD’’ Proverbs 18:22
You’re Trying and Not Trusting
I am reminded of the story in of Hanna in 1 Samuel. Hanna so desperately wanted a child. I think sometimes we can identify with her, desperately wanting a relationship. There is nothing wrong with that yearning, after all God gave us a healthy desire to have a help mate. But what we can learn from Hanna is to simply cry out to God and trust Him. Hanna was so heartbroken that Peninnah bore children and not her. It even says Penninah taunted her.
And at times, when we are single and surrounded by relationships, it’s hard and we can feel slightly taunted, wondering why God left us out. However, Hanna cried out to God with the desires of her heart and in His timing, he opened her womb and let her conceive.
Just like Hanna we need to cry out to God with the desires of our heart, whether it be for a certain guy or a relationship, He listens. But we must trust in Him and give Him the control. He knows the perfect timing and perfect person for us.
So, let’s stop trying to make things happen, and trust the timing of God’s heart, after all, Papa knows best.
‘’Trust in the LORD with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding’’ Proverbs 3:5
Lowering Your Value
At times, we lower our standards just for the sake of wanting to be loved, and therefore we compromise. In the past, I have done this out of the fear of being alone; not truly trusting God’s plan for my life. I dated guys I knew I shouldn’t because I didn’t value myself enough to say no. But how do we know when we lower our value?
We know when we take less than just for the sake of feeling loved, and when we do this we only cheat ourselves out of the amazing plan and person that God has for our life. Don’t settle, know your value and your worth. You are a daughter of the King. It is better to wait for the person that God truly has for you than to settle for less than and be miserable later down the road. Know your self-worth, walk in it, and hold your head high.
‘’She is more precious than rubies; nothing you desire can compare with her’’. Proverbs 3:15
You’re pursuing him, Not Your Purpose in Him
When we put all our focus on pursuing a guy, we lose our ability to seek God’s plan for our life, and it easily becomes secondary. We need to pursue with purpose His purposes for us, instead of a man’s.
Rick Warren, had it right when he said, ‘find your purpose before your mate’. By doing this we can truly live out God’s calling through our giftings. If we don’t find our purpose and if we jump into a relationship first; we can have the tendency to feel resentful and therefore, not be used as effectively for the Kingdom of Christ.
If we trust God we can pursue Him and when we do, His purposes for our life become evident. If it’s the right guy, he will want a girl who pursues Christ first and he will in turn pursue you.
‘’Set your minds on things above, not on earthly things’’. Colossians 3:2