Christian Singles

5 Signs You Are Chasing Him

Here are 5 ways to know if you are chasing a man and 5 key verses to keep you stay grounded in your relationship with Christ first.

Relentlessly pursuing a guy was never God’s intention for us. And instead of chasing a man we need to be chasing Christ.

Here are 5 ways to know if you are chasing a man and 5 key verses to keep you stay grounded in your relationship with Christ first.

You’re Seeking a Man’s Validation Instead of God’s

It can be easy to seek validation from a man to fill a void through companionship. It’s natural that as people, we want to be liked. Whether it’s a work colleague, friend or a relationship interest we often seek validation through people, forgetting to find it in our relationship with Jesus first.

It is important to remember that our ultimate self-worth and value is found in Christ alone and not in the opinions of others. Desiring a relationship is a good thing, but when we use it to validate our self-worth we are missing the mark as Christians. At the end of the day, only God can fill our heart shaped hole.

Growing up, I would often seek validation from men. If I had a crush on a guy, I had a desperate need for him to like me. And if he didn’t I was left feeling slightly worthless and not up to par. Having not found my true worth in Christ alone, I had left it in the hands of another human being and as a result, I was left disappointed. In my later years, I found that people and relationships can never validate your self-worth; because the only validation you ever needed was already paid on the cross.

‘’This is how we know what love is: Jesus Christ laid down his life for us’’. 1 John 3:16

Desperation Equals Depletion

Are you constantly the one calling him? Initiating contact? Setting up dates and texting? This does not give a guy the space and time to come to you and therefore, how will you know that he’s really interested in you?

If you spend all your energy on trying to get him to like you, sending him unnecessary messages, or asking him ‘’Where are we in the relationship?’’, then you’re the one pulling all the strings, trying to make something happen. When you do this, it is easy to give off the desperate vibe and feel depleted, drained and discouraged. And having put all your energy into something that is a way one way street depletes it.

What should you do? Give it over to God and let Him be the one to take control. He knows the desires of your heart and you can trust Him with those desires. Always be friendly of course, but there is a difference between friendliness and desperation. Are you desperate for a relationship a guy or with Christ? Leave it to Jesus and let the right guy find you, and when I write ‘find you’ I mean let him find your heart.

He who finds a wife finds what is good and receives favor from the LORD’’ Proverbs 18:22

You’re Trying and Not Trusting

I am reminded of the story in of Hanna in 1 Samuel. Hanna so desperately wanted a child.  I think sometimes we can identify with her, desperately wanting a relationship. There is nothing wrong with that yearning, after all God gave us a healthy desire to have a help mate. But what we can learn from Hanna is to simply cry out to God and trust Him. Hanna was so heartbroken that Peninnah bore children and not her. It even says Penninah taunted her.

And at times, when we are single and surrounded by relationships, it’s hard and we can feel slightly taunted, wondering why God left us out. However, Hanna cried out to God with the desires of her heart and in His timing, he opened her womb and let her conceive.

Just like Hanna we need to cry out to God with the desires of our heart, whether it be for a certain guy or a relationship, He listens. But we must trust in Him and give Him the control. He knows the perfect timing and perfect person for us.

So, let’s stop trying to make things happen, and trust the timing of God’s heart, after all, Papa knows best.

‘’Trust in the LORD with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding’’ Proverbs 3:5

Lowering Your Value

At times, we lower our standards just for the sake of wanting to be loved, and therefore we compromise. In the past, I have done this out of the fear of being alone; not truly trusting God’s plan for my life. I dated guys I knew I shouldn’t because I didn’t value myself enough to say no. But how do we know when we lower our value?

We know when we take less than just for the sake of feeling loved, and when we do this we only cheat ourselves out of the amazing plan and person that God has for our life. Don’t settle, know your value and your worth. You are a daughter of the King. It is better to wait for the person that God truly has for you than to settle for less than and be miserable later down the road. Know your self-worth, walk in it, and hold your head high.


‘’She is more precious than rubies; nothing you desire can compare with her’’.  Proverbs 3:15

You’re pursuing him, Not Your Purpose in Him

When we put all our focus on pursuing a guy, we lose our ability to seek God’s plan for our life, and it easily becomes secondary. We need to pursue with purpose His purposes for us, instead of a man’s.

Rick Warren, had it right when he said, ‘find your purpose before your mate’. By doing this we can truly live out God’s calling through our giftings. If we don’t find our purpose and if we jump into a relationship first; we can have the tendency to feel resentful and therefore, not be used as effectively for the Kingdom of Christ.

If we trust God we can pursue Him and when we do, His purposes for our life become evident. If it’s the right guy, he will want a girl who pursues Christ first and he will in turn pursue you.

‘’Set your minds on things above, not on earthly things’’. Colossians 3:2

Alicia Mckenzie

Alicia Mckenzie

Alicia Mckenzie is a blogger and writer. She seeks to mutually encourage others through writing about practical Christian living, with an emphasis on divorce and singles ministries.
Alicia Mckenzie
80 Comments

80 Comments

  1. Adel Quijano

    May 25, 2017 at 10:42 am

    Basaha Hanna Sybil Badayos Abueva 🙂

  2. Daisy Rougeau-Prince

    May 25, 2017 at 4:08 am

    Christien Rougeau

  3. Montes Ana

    May 25, 2017 at 3:57 am

    Chase God only. Run 2 him not man.

  4. Lavigne Njery

    May 25, 2017 at 3:30 am

    Psych!!!!

  5. Carla Rogers Williams

    May 24, 2017 at 10:49 pm

    never chase anyone!

  6. Whitney Norberg

    May 24, 2017 at 6:24 pm

    Abby Mullin this is a good read☺❤

  7. Chantelle Main Wittrowski

    May 24, 2017 at 6:19 pm

    Denielle Wittrowski

  8. Monica Lorraine

    May 24, 2017 at 5:26 pm

    Timely..

  9. Tayler Renee McGinnis

    May 24, 2017 at 4:50 pm

    Derek Rosen

  10. Rebecca Burgess

    May 24, 2017 at 4:34 pm

    Maybe I will have a happy ending to this.

  11. Rebecca Burgess

    May 24, 2017 at 4:34 pm

    Still in love with someone my self. He broke it off 9 months ago

  12. Ivana Butler

    May 24, 2017 at 3:34 pm

    Calahna Camille

  13. Crystal A Nelson

    May 24, 2017 at 12:10 pm

    It’s not being forced cuz I have a ring

  14. Crystal A Nelson

    May 24, 2017 at 11:48 am

    Lol…….. mind your business

  15. Alaia Bradshaw

    May 24, 2017 at 11:17 am

    Sandy Fore this is what its about.

  16. Hassan Mwamba

    May 24, 2017 at 9:24 am

    That i can’t force one

  17. LisaJane Gant Burroughs

    May 24, 2017 at 7:05 am

    I would say I defenetley chased him Now he does all the chasing!! And calling, and calling , calling whenever I am not right by his side. My friends have always been like really??? We are just having lunch and he has called like 5 times!! Lol

    • MJ Pete

      May 25, 2017 at 5:13 am

      That sounds more like stalking than love. Be careful girl.

  18. LisaJane Gant Burroughs

    May 24, 2017 at 6:59 am

    Melissa Monroe

  19. LisaJane Gant Burroughs

    May 24, 2017 at 6:59 am

    I know its hard to wrap your brain around this now but do you remember the night you introduced me to Bobby and we just hit it off from the start and started I guess they call it today “going out” but we didnt go out really you and I would go to his and Junior Jones place and hang out every single night for about 3 months….I was head over heels in love with him and then he just broke it off and broke my heart, I wouldn’t give up but he continued to turn me away, giving me no reason at all , I finally gave up got a apartment with friends and partied like crazy, never really got over him and then the day I had the wreck he came to see me as soon as he found out and never left, isnt that crazy??? Im sure Gayla Jones Mayhall remembers this also I would go to their house to see him and he clearly wanted a “permanent” break and Gayla would fuss at him for being so mean and break my heart with no explanation at all. So tonight out of the blue I asked him what changed so suddenly for him to break things off and he said” You will find anything to fuss about wont you?? After 32 years the man still cant explain why he broke my heart Lol

    • Gayla Jones Mayhall

      May 24, 2017 at 2:59 pm

      Yes I sure do remember this.. And it is funny now that it has all turned around.. Him chasing you.. I’m so happy that the 2 of you finally found each other.. And true love.. Be blessed that he still loves you the way he does.. Just knowing that the 2 of you made it through all the good and the bad.. Back in our days, all the boys thought that was funny to treat all the girls bad, and break our heart’s.. Now whom is chasing who now.. lol

    • LisaJane Gant Burroughs

      May 24, 2017 at 3:13 pm

      Yep when he did decide about 6 months after breaking my heart that he wanted to be in a relationship I wasnt so sure then I was having to much fun! I even remember Junior telling him the second go around that if he broke my heart again he would n’t ever get another chance lol funny how we remember stuff like that! Junior was right too!

    • LisaJane Gant Burroughs

      May 24, 2017 at 3:13 pm

      Yep when he did decide about 6 months after breaking my heart that he wanted to be in a relationship I wasnt so sure then I was having to much fun! I even remember Junior telling him the second go around that if he broke my heart again he would n’t ever get another chance lol funny how we remember stuff like that! Junior was right too!

    • LisaJane Gant Burroughs

      May 24, 2017 at 3:21 pm

      Im still making him chase me Gayla Jones Mayhall haha

    • LisaJane Gant Burroughs

      May 24, 2017 at 3:21 pm

      Im still making him chase me Gayla Jones Mayhall haha

    • Gayla Jones Mayhall

      May 24, 2017 at 3:21 pm

      LisaJane Gant Burroughs that’s what’s keep the fire going!!

    • LisaJane Gant Burroughs

      May 24, 2017 at 3:30 pm

      Thats right! It all worked out the way it was supposed to because you know he really had a great life from the start, when he married me my family is the same way yours is we are close knit….and my family loves him as much as they do me

    • LisaJane Gant Burroughs

      May 24, 2017 at 3:30 pm

      Thats right! It all worked out the way it was supposed to because you know he really had a great life from the start, when he married me my family is the same way yours is we are close knit….and my family loves him as much as they do me

    • LisaJane Gant Burroughs

      May 25, 2017 at 4:25 am

      I meant to say he really DIDNT have a great life.

  20. Victoria Bewaji

    May 10, 2017 at 6:56 am

    Hmmmmmm

  21. Rachel Quarcoo

    May 9, 2017 at 12:44 pm

    Really nice piece 🙂

  22. Meghan Bond

    May 9, 2017 at 9:57 am

    Gracies Ekaghba

  23. Mary Grace Famorcan

    May 9, 2017 at 5:19 am

    Alexis Advento

  24. Judelyn Morales Relor

    May 9, 2017 at 4:51 am

    Leng Jacinto Pascual. 🙂

  25. Tam A Ra Michelle

    May 9, 2017 at 3:28 am

    Dee Elle EM

  26. Tam A Ra Michelle

    May 9, 2017 at 3:28 am

    This is so good! Constance Bellow Watts

  27. Binibining Yoj

    May 9, 2017 at 1:55 am

    Dont settle for anything less than you deserve.

  28. Heather Long Smith

    May 9, 2017 at 12:17 am

    Sarah Lee

  29. Sonya Alexander

    May 8, 2017 at 10:36 pm

    Loneliness is sneaky, will push you hard. Keep praying thru the deception.

  30. Hayley Sefton

    May 8, 2017 at 10:26 pm

    Art Thou Upon De My TWN TIMING
    So Be It

  31. Elizabeth Rambo

    May 8, 2017 at 10:05 pm

    Melanie Irene Ivana Silva

  32. Patricia Southerland

    May 8, 2017 at 9:59 pm

    Amen yesssss this is all the confirmation I needed

  33. Terry Daley

    May 8, 2017 at 6:24 pm

    Thank you Jesus Amen

  34. Lorin Grecia

    May 8, 2017 at 6:09 pm

    Irwin Hendricks

  35. Megan Specht

    May 8, 2017 at 5:57 pm

    Good read

  36. Izay Saye Zhaye

    May 8, 2017 at 5:10 pm

    Amen

  37. Nicole Perkins

    May 8, 2017 at 4:09 pm

    Chantelle Bowers

  38. Amber Ann Wines

    May 8, 2017 at 3:52 pm

    Chrissy Williams this kind of an interesting read

  39. Ify Anih

    May 8, 2017 at 3:18 pm

    What God gives comes easy and won’t give any chasing stress. God intends for the Man to do the finding and chasing and not the other way.

  40. Dionna Whitaker

    May 8, 2017 at 3:12 pm

    Good read.

  41. Cindy Hull

    May 8, 2017 at 3:01 pm

    Right !! I dont chase anyone ! They can chase me .

  42. Edward Mayhew

    May 8, 2017 at 2:30 pm

    Anyone that he gives is worth the pursuit

  43. Edward Mayhew

    May 8, 2017 at 2:29 pm

    Its not desperation if god said you can have him or her.

  44. Lia Wilkins

    May 8, 2017 at 2:25 pm

    Kim Colclough

  45. Lorielyn Go

    May 8, 2017 at 2:18 pm

    If we trust God we can pursue Him and when we do, His purposes for our life become evident. If it’s the right guy, he will want a girl who pursues Christ first and he will in turn pursue you.

    ‘’Set your minds on things above, not on earthly things’’. Colossians 3:2
    I will wait and trust You oh LORD.. I know my KAMAHALAN is coming.. Thank you and I love you..

    • Aisha Nonhlanhla Ngwaxaxa

      May 8, 2017 at 10:56 pm

      What I heard when I read that part was Jesus saying plain and simple (not always so simple to do, however):

      “Seek ye first the Kingdom of God and His Righteousness and all these things shall be added unto you.” 🎵Halle-lu, halle-lu-Yah!🎶

    • Aisha Nonhlanhla Ngwaxaxa

      May 8, 2017 at 10:57 pm

      What’s a kamalahan?

    • Lorielyn Go

      May 9, 2017 at 8:28 am

      It refers to my Prince charming… 😊☺

  46. Carlchen Juárez

    May 8, 2017 at 2:10 pm

    Celina Flores

  47. Alicia Mckenzie

    May 8, 2017 at 2:07 pm

    I humbly share this through my own broken experience and pray it will bless you to draw closer to Christ. xoxoxo

    • Krista Renee Jordan

      May 8, 2017 at 4:17 pm

      It’s like I could have written this myself!! Thanks for sharing!!!

    • Alicia Mckenzie

      May 8, 2017 at 4:19 pm

      Awe ❤ Bless you girl !! It’s written from my mistakes. I need His grace everyday.

  48. Alice Viterbo

    May 8, 2017 at 1:56 pm

    Adi Viterbo

  49. Keely Tyler

    May 8, 2017 at 1:51 pm

    I thought about what you’d said Ebonie Williams Campbell

  50. Love OD

    May 8, 2017 at 1:37 pm

    Good read sis Inna 🙂

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