My husband and I are both very young. We started dating when we were teens. I was 18 and he was 17. I married my high school sweetheart. We loved each other to death but sometimes lost sight of that when storms came our way. Our marriage though, has been the rockiest time in our relationship. We packed our bags, moved to another city and began life as a married couple. To start with, we were both on very different pages. I grew up in the church and knew God’s purpose for our lives and his idea of a Christian marriage. My husband was catholic but not much of a church goer. He believed in the word he just wasn’t necessarily living by it. It went from me going to church every Sunday when we were dating, to us sometimes going while we were engaged, to us rarely going when we were married…the time we needed God the most but chose to go to the bars and clubs and forget about what mattered. We forgot about God and rarely gave him any attention. Our marriage began falling apart 3 months after we got married. I prayed to God asking for Him to show my husband the way the Godly man and husband should be. I begged my husband and cried my heart to him for months about what I needed from him but he was too distracted by the bad habits we had developed. It turned into us rarely speaking. Our hearts had turned so cold and my walls felt bigger than the Great Wall of China. I did the most horrible thing. I stepped out on our marriage. My relationship with the other man lasted on and off for about 9 months. The worst thing was, he was very very close to my husband and family. My guilt ate me up so bad inside although I finally cut it off with the other man. I thought, well maybe this can be just between God and I, he will forgive me. No one else has to get hurt. I came back to my husband and loved him stronger than ever. We were experiencing the happiest time of our marriage. Until one night….he came home late and opened my phone and he saw the text messages. That Sunday morning I confessed to my Husband. I knew he knew and he didn’t deserve not to get an explanation. He was furious. I’d already made plans for us to attend church that Sunday and reluctantly, he still decided to join me. When we got to church something was different in the atmosphere and then the pastor finally stepped forward. He cried and he told the church he could no longer be pastor because he sinned and betrayed his family. Immediately, I broke down and cried rivers of tears. It suddenly hit me that God is in control, He knows exactly what He is doing. The sermon that day was about grieving and forgiveness. When we got back home from church, I thought my Husband was going to tell me he learned his lesson and we will work on our marriage. Instead, he packed his things and told me that he no longer wanted to be my husband. For an entire month he lived with his parents. I cried my heart out almost every night. I was lost and afraid and hurt and that’s when I turned to God who has been with me all along. Through prayer and fasting and reading my bible and reading articles, I became stronger and things started becoming more clear to be everyday. I heard God tell me, not to worry because he’s proven that HE is ALWAYS in control. HE should ALWAYS come first. This is why my marriage did not work. I stopped asking why. I began building such a broken and shattered woman up the way God intended me to be. Meanwhile, my husband told me we can be friends but he still wants a divorce. I made plans to live as a single woman. I found a room to rent which I am supposed to move in on the first of the month…two weeks away, I already began selling our furniture. Everything was separated. He bought a new car and moved in with his family. I was certain we were done. Through it all we remained friends and deep down I knew he still loved me but he never admitted it. I continued to pray and have people pray for me too. Well, last night my husband came over for a movie. Out of no where he tells me he wants to get back together. Immediately, I cry. I’m confused, but very happy, mad that we went through any of this. He told me he still doesn’t trust me at all but that he wants to give us another shot. He wants me to drop all my plans to move into another place and move into his already over crowded home with his parents. I feel like its because he wants to keep an eye on me. I really don’t mind that part. I just don’t think moving in with his family is a good idea right now. He says this is the only way he can really trust me. I want an open and honest relationship and I’m ready. I’m afraid and confused at the same time. I don’t want to move too fast, I want to make sure we take the right steps Gods way. Most of all, he still needs to talk to his family who believes that we should divorce. I just don’t know what to do…Should we pick things back up so fast? Should I drop all the plans I’ve made and move in with his family where we will never have privacy?
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