Relationships

3 Things You Must Do If You Want Closure

I remember being in the bookstore a few years ago as I was looking for another book on how to breakthrough my singleness journey of dead end relationship after dead end relationship. It was at that moment when I saw a book with this title “If You Want Closure, Start With Your Legs” that title cut me like the Word, it felt sharper than a two-edge sword.

I had been dating this guy from my college.  He was different from the guys I had dated in the past (or so I thought).

Although the packaging was different, the elements of the relationship remain the same. Just like my previous relationships, he cheated on me and his life did not reflect Christ just like the previous relationships.  The straw that broke the camel’s back was when I saw douche under his bathroom cabinet and he said it belonged to his sisters. Then he told me to stop asking about it because even if he cheated I would stay.  I knew at that point, this had gone too far and he had absolutely no respect for me. It was at this point that I realized that I did not have any respect for myself neither  I had no idea how, but I knew something had to give.

There were 3 critical things that freed me from these types of relationships.

1.)    I Prayed. 

Psalms 103:12 says “As far as the east is from the west, So far has He removed our transgressions from us.  I not only prayed and asked God to separate my transgressions of sleeping with a man that was not my husband, I also asked him to remove the man who participated in it with me as well as the lustful desire that led me there in the first place.   

See in my “relationship”, “my boyfriend” would call me periodically out of the blue. I was lucky if I heard from him more than once or twice a week… So God gave me the strength to stop calling him. I just realized I deserved so much better than what he was giving me.

So I say to you my sister, pray and ask God to heal your broken-heart.

2.)     I Kept My Legs Closed. 

This required me to stop seeing him all together.

Soul ties formed from sex outside of marriage makes it that much harder to walk away. This is exactly why the Bible is clear that sex is for husband & wife, not boyfriend & girlfriend.

This is also why it is so common for a person to still have ‘feelings’ towards an ex-lover; even long after the relationship has ended and even when they know it’s wrong. All because of a soul tie!

In my case, I knew as long as I kept engaging in a sexual relationship with him, that I would never be able to walk away.  I had to let go sexually before I could let go emotionally. Again I say, if you want closure, start with your legs.  Once you close your legs, renew your mind and your heart will follow.

3.)    I Sought Out Godly Relationships. 

The truth of the matter is that all along all I wanted was love, but I found lust that began to tear at the fabric of the woman I wanted to become.  I wanted companionship, healthy communication, true love, fun and God in my relationship, but my actions lead me to the opposite.

Too often as women we seek out a man when we should be seeking out our heavenly Father. 

When breaking off a relationship where you have had a very close relationship, you are going to need emotional support.  You are going to need an outlet in a safe space where you can cry, laugh and live. 

Let yourself cry about it then move on.  When you get the urge to cry, go to the thorn of grace and mercy and ask God to take the desire to be in unhealthy relationships away and remove them from your heart and mind. 

Saturate yourself with the things of God. Stay intimately connected to your Heavenly Father and your friends.

If you want closure, pray about it, but also take the necessary steps to move towards it.

103 Comments

103 Comments

  1. Stacey V. Jepthas

    April 19, 2017 at 6:54 pm

    Esmerelda Ramklass

  2. Aune Sarah Thomas

    April 10, 2017 at 11:23 pm

    Victoria Festus Simsolia Best Bond

  3. Catina Ann

    April 9, 2017 at 2:28 pm

    Natalya

  4. Christine Monageng

    April 8, 2017 at 6:14 am

    Amen.

  5. Judi Klaus

    April 8, 2017 at 2:10 am

    Been married for 27 years and unequally yoked for over 6 years. Need listen to God, for He knows, what is best for me. Could mean closing the door. Husband has gone done the wrong path and stepped outside the marriage.

  6. Rosalind Bascoe

    April 8, 2017 at 1:29 am

    I believe in his grace

  7. Ann McCormick

    April 8, 2017 at 12:07 am

    Judie Mccalmonthair Judie MCcalmont x

  8. Michelle Ager

    April 7, 2017 at 11:04 pm

    Thank You HEAVENLY FATHER GLORY TO YOUR NAME AMEN AMEN AND AMEN

  9. Yvette Ewingchow

    April 7, 2017 at 10:38 pm

    So true

  10. Noelle Seale

    April 7, 2017 at 7:06 pm

    AMEN

  11. Tina Keys

    April 7, 2017 at 6:14 pm

    Amen

  12. Chinwe Madukam

    April 7, 2017 at 6:09 pm

    Sometimes it feels that God is against us in times like this, but he has a better plan for us

  13. Meagan Alex

    April 7, 2017 at 6:02 pm

    Jenna Lynch

  14. Nobuhle Nkosi

    April 7, 2017 at 4:00 pm

    Sithembile Faya

  15. April Harvey

    April 7, 2017 at 3:41 pm

    Love it! Blunt and to-the-point!

  16. Carrecia Lynette W

    April 7, 2017 at 2:11 pm

    Easier said than done…

  17. Joan Michelle Gregorio

    April 7, 2017 at 12:10 pm

    Kristyl Delos Reyes read this

  18. Chauntelle Mayberry

    April 7, 2017 at 12:05 pm

    Janice Wyatt Jones

  19. Jesca Nantume

    April 7, 2017 at 11:44 am

    True.

  20. Lei Ortiz

    April 7, 2017 at 10:36 am

    Diarika Venancio

  21. Susan Kairu

    April 7, 2017 at 10:30 am

    I agree

  22. Awurabena Sekyi

    April 7, 2017 at 9:56 am

    I tout I was in this alone but I never knew you have also been there before. Thank you for this encouragement. God bless you. GRACE HAS FOUND US. #PRAISEGOD

  23. Mary Peterson

    April 7, 2017 at 9:40 am

    Amen 2Chronicles 7:14

  24. Janene Rose

    April 7, 2017 at 9:35 am

    Yes.And the struggle @ times is a long journey depending on ur heart.But, God brings us through those Dark Valleys, thou.

    Amen/ Glory be to My Father in Heaven.

  25. Teresa Bell

    April 7, 2017 at 9:32 am

    I needed to read this exactly at this moment. Thank you so much.

  26. Peter Nganga

    April 7, 2017 at 9:16 am

    Amen.

  27. Dashandra Canada-Cooper

    April 7, 2017 at 8:48 am

    Kira Williams, read some of the comments, this is confirmation that all you have to do is TRUST GOD

  28. Marilyn Chereti

    April 7, 2017 at 7:22 am

    Amen

  29. Ruby Flores-Lotfi

    April 7, 2017 at 7:19 am

    Amen.

  30. Ruby Flores-Lotfi

    April 7, 2017 at 7:16 am

    Amen.

  31. Joannee Buquing

    April 7, 2017 at 7:06 am

    Amen

  32. Pauline Namakula Mukiibi

    April 7, 2017 at 6:59 am

    God’s store is still full, let us wait upon him. He has good plans for us and his timing is always the best.

  33. Shikira Johnson

    April 7, 2017 at 6:58 am

    Kiesha Pough great article

  34. Anne Sepulveda

    April 7, 2017 at 6:57 am

    Ericka May Edjao Blanco

  35. Annet Naki

    April 7, 2017 at 6:30 am

    I loved this…thanks

  36. Alicia Andrew

    April 7, 2017 at 6:26 am

    Tru

  37. Diann Bond

    April 7, 2017 at 6:19 am

    Dani Early

  38. Madika Sello

    April 7, 2017 at 6:04 am

    Amen,very true & letting go allows your heart & mind, thoughts to be free

  39. Dineo Kotole

    April 7, 2017 at 6:03 am

    letting go is hard.im a child of God who loves and fear God.please pray for me in Jesus name

  40. Tumelo Lekoloane

    April 7, 2017 at 5:46 am

    Amen!

  41. Cegram Yu

    April 7, 2017 at 5:19 am

    Its the reflection of myself of what was before! finally the Lord breaks the chain because I surrender to his will;if not maybe I’m still stuck in a toxic guy. God may take away what we want but it is necessary for us to be broken rather that comfort us with lies and suffer from emotional and psychological stress.

  42. Eva Paul

    April 7, 2017 at 5:15 am

    Amen

  43. Nothemba Dlomo

    April 7, 2017 at 4:59 am

    power.

  44. Blessings Mpunga

    April 7, 2017 at 4:50 am

    Absolutely true.

  45. Rose Sehlapelo

    April 7, 2017 at 4:49 am

    Wow Amen Sister thanx

  46. Monica Makuvise

    April 7, 2017 at 4:43 am

    Amen

  47. Hannah Pechens

    April 7, 2017 at 4:05 am

    O Lord please see if there be any wicked way in me, and lead me in the way everlasting.

  48. Ida Ashton

    April 7, 2017 at 3:04 am

    AMEN

  49. Asah Tezz Mandulwini

    April 7, 2017 at 3:03 am

    Amen

  50. Irene Ann Patterson

    April 7, 2017 at 2:47 am

    Amen

  51. Tamera Coleman

    April 7, 2017 at 2:42 am

    God has it all in control please believe that if nothing else

  52. Ellah Reu Cabaya

    April 7, 2017 at 2:40 am

    Amen…

  53. Alyssa Velasquez

    April 7, 2017 at 2:02 am

    Samantha O’connell

  54. Glenda Brewer

    April 7, 2017 at 1:26 am

    Amen

  55. Valerie Wills

    April 7, 2017 at 1:18 am

    God always have something better for you

  56. Denica Richelle Ramnath

    April 7, 2017 at 1:13 am

    Nikita Davies

  57. Lorna Marie Lariviere

    April 7, 2017 at 1:11 am

  58. Before King

    April 7, 2017 at 12:34 am

    Forgive and Forget…Amen

  59. MI CH

    April 7, 2017 at 12:25 am

    John Rivera

  60. Debbie Alford Johnson

    April 7, 2017 at 12:07 am

    Just turn it off like a faucet…..cut off all communication and move on.

  61. Tijaana Progress

    April 7, 2017 at 12:01 am

    Natalie Andrews

  62. Del Zory Jon

    April 6, 2017 at 11:51 pm

    Cyndi Rivera:

  63. Katherine Jones-teal

    April 6, 2017 at 11:46 pm

    Always trust God… I tell myself this everyday. I choose God’s plans and not my own. Release it to God and wait! He knows what’s best for us. Praising HIM through my storms…in Jesus name Amen !!

  64. Bee Lynn

    April 6, 2017 at 11:45 pm

    Shay Cotton

  65. Valeria Arnold

    April 6, 2017 at 11:42 pm

    Amen

  66. Dalryn Van Cuylenberg

    April 6, 2017 at 11:20 pm

    Surrender your need to God

  67. Hlopiso Thobakgale

    April 6, 2017 at 11:12 pm

    Amen, I needed this ,I pray to God to remove the urge of wanting to go back to that unhealthy and ungodly relationship

  68. Arlene Morrison

    April 6, 2017 at 10:59 pm

    Grace just by being obedient to God and putting him first, he will bless you. Watch and see you will have an awesome testimony if you don’t faint. Keep pressing into God! Be blessed.

  69. Camill Vallerie Reyes

    April 6, 2017 at 10:57 pm

    Jean Marie Dee

  70. Terry Daley

    April 6, 2017 at 10:44 pm

    Thank you Jesus Amen

  71. Pearl Ellison

    April 6, 2017 at 10:37 pm

    Amen

  72. Bobbie Deal

    April 6, 2017 at 10:36 pm

    Amen

  73. Grace Kekana

    April 6, 2017 at 10:35 pm

    When all I can say is, “but God”. I was in a relationship for a year, where we were fornicating and all the more I was growing in my spiritual gifts in church, basically being a hypocrite, yet God stayed. He sent an accountability partner my way who went through the same thing as I and today we fasted to be released from soul ties and just consecrate myself to God. Long story short, like 30 minutes ago I broke up with my boyfriend whom I love dearly and he had all the qualities I want in a husband (except he isnt born again) and we split on the basis of I want to get married and he doesnt. I was walking up the stairs and with tears in my eyes, telling God that this better be worth it. I open Facebook and I see this. Like God be saying, “It will and that’s a promise”. so please pray for me. This is so difficult as he is the only friend I have, all my friends found jobs and im at University and as much as im active in church, I now have no one I can call a friend. I dont understand, or I dont want to understand, but I have no choice to rely fully on God for this one

    • Sheri Olver

      April 6, 2017 at 10:37 pm

      Prayers for you!

    • Melissa Ditalo

      April 6, 2017 at 10:41 pm

      🙏🏼 praying for you!

    • Stephanie Washington

      April 6, 2017 at 10:43 pm

      Praying for you

    • Valerie Lopez

      April 6, 2017 at 10:58 pm

      Will keep you in prayer

    • Izay Saye Zhaye

      April 6, 2017 at 11:35 pm

      Your story was so inspiring you choice God more than anything else. God will bless you more. He has a great plan for you.

    • Faith Ellingwood

      April 7, 2017 at 12:01 am

      God is going to bless you so much for putting him first! Thank you for sharing this with us <3

    • Lanell Love

      April 7, 2017 at 1:03 am

      Prayers, God will see you through.

    • Nadine Cherenfant-Colas

      April 7, 2017 at 2:09 am

      Stay the course, God sees the bigger picture.

    • Ellah Reu Cabaya

      April 7, 2017 at 2:39 am

      Praying for you….

    • Osawe Osemwenyemwen

      April 7, 2017 at 4:37 am

      Thank you for sharing, God will show himself to you. His word says trust in the Lord with all your heart and in your ways acknowledge Him, he will direct your part. Remain blessed.

    • Annet Naki

      April 7, 2017 at 6:36 am

      Stay still Our God knows everything keep trusting.He has alot of goodness for u in His store of love at aperfect time He will shower u with all yr heart desires

    • Pauline Namakula Mukiibi

      April 7, 2017 at 6:55 am

      My dear making decisions to people we love sometimes it’s very hard. But leave each and everything to almight God he has good plans for you.

    • Karen Avengers

      April 7, 2017 at 7:48 am

      Bless you x trust God x

    • Krysta Kehren

      April 8, 2017 at 1:19 am

      You are very brave to take that step of faith. It is not easy. Stay strong. God will give you the desires of your heart, when you least expect it and you will be so happy! God bless you

    • Loureen Watiti

      April 9, 2017 at 6:34 pm

      Hey Grace.:) he is with you.:)don’t you worry at all

  74. Pamela Geren

    April 6, 2017 at 10:32 pm

    Thank you Nicolle Valles <3

  75. Nicolle Valles

    April 6, 2017 at 10:28 pm

    Pamela Geren

  76. Nicolle Valles

    April 6, 2017 at 10:28 pm

    Thank you!

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