I remember being in the bookstore a few years ago as I was looking for another book on how to breakthrough my singleness journey of dead end relationship after dead end relationship. It was at that moment when I saw a book with this title “If You Want Closure, Start With Your Legs” that title cut me like the Word, it felt sharper than a two-edge sword.
I had been dating this guy from my college. He was different from the guys I had dated in the past (or so I thought).
Although the packaging was different, the elements of the relationship remain the same. Just like my previous relationships, he cheated on me and his life did not reflect Christ just like the previous relationships. The straw that broke the camel’s back was when I saw douche under his bathroom cabinet and he said it belonged to his sisters. Then he told me to stop asking about it because even if he cheated I would stay. I knew at that point, this had gone too far and he had absolutely no respect for me. It was at this point that I realized that I did not have any respect for myself neither I had no idea how, but I knew something had to give.
There were 3 critical things that freed me from these types of relationships.
1.) I Prayed.
Psalms 103:12 says “As far as the east is from the west, So far has He removed our transgressions from us. I not only prayed and asked God to separate my transgressions of sleeping with a man that was not my husband, I also asked him to remove the man who participated in it with me as well as the lustful desire that led me there in the first place.
See in my “relationship”, “my boyfriend” would call me periodically out of the blue. I was lucky if I heard from him more than once or twice a week… So God gave me the strength to stop calling him. I just realized I deserved so much better than what he was giving me.
So I say to you my sister, pray and ask God to heal your broken-heart.
2.) I Kept My Legs Closed.
This required me to stop seeing him all together.
Soul ties formed from sex outside of marriage makes it that much harder to walk away. This is exactly why the Bible is clear that sex is for husband & wife, not boyfriend & girlfriend.
This is also why it is so common for a person to still have ‘feelings’ towards an ex-lover; even long after the relationship has ended and even when they know it’s wrong. All because of a soul tie!
In my case, I knew as long as I kept engaging in a sexual relationship with him, that I would never be able to walk away. I had to let go sexually before I could let go emotionally. Again I say, if you want closure, start with your legs. Once you close your legs, renew your mind and your heart will follow.
3.) I Sought Out Godly Relationships.
The truth of the matter is that all along all I wanted was love, but I found lust that began to tear at the fabric of the woman I wanted to become. I wanted companionship, healthy communication, true love, fun and God in my relationship, but my actions lead me to the opposite.
Too often as women we seek out a man when we should be seeking out our heavenly Father.
When breaking off a relationship where you have had a very close relationship, you are going to need emotional support. You are going to need an outlet in a safe space where you can cry, laugh and live.
Let yourself cry about it then move on. When you get the urge to cry, go to the thorn of grace and mercy and ask God to take the desire to be in unhealthy relationships away and remove them from your heart and mind.
Saturate yourself with the things of God. Stay intimately connected to your Heavenly Father and your friends.