Christian Singles

8 Ways to Know You’re in a Healthy Relationship

healthy relationship

As anyone who has navigated the world of dating well knows, romantic relationships can create some of our greatest happiness and some of our deepest heartache. They make us think, stress us out and bless us abundantly.

Most of us desire to end up as part of a happy couple one day. We want relationships that will last and bring us real joy. And God wants that for us, too. Therefore, it’s important for us to know what a healthy, lasting relationship looks like. We may need to assess the one we’re already in—or we may want to know what to look for in the future.

Below are eight key traits of a healthy relationship that can help create the foundation for long-term, side-by-side growth and happiness as God intended:

1. It Feels Stable

There is a sense of consistency to the right relationship. This doesn’t mean it’s never hard, but you shouldn’t feel like you’re riding a roller coaster where amazingly happy moments are followed by extremely awful ones.

Some people assume a relationship is good because there are good times. But, just as good relationships have hard times, even bad relationships have some good times. The key is recognizing how often the bad times come and how severe they are.

While we are meant to find our self-worth in God, He also wired us to feel good about ourselves when we are being affirmed and cared for.

There should also be a stability in your own thinking about the relationship. It’s a problem if you feel like you’re wildly in love on Monday, but on Wednesday, you feel ready to end it.

2. You Like Yourself in It

Like it or not, dating will change you. The more time you spend with someone, the more you pick up their tendencies, speech patterns and habits. Your partner’s personality will bring out different facets of your own.

If you don’t like the person you become around your partner, that is a huge red flag. On the contrary, some personalities will complement yours and help you become a better version of yourself. This can be challenging and hard, but in a way that feels good—like you are growing more and more into who you want to be.

Also, in a healthy relationship, you should feel loved and respected. While we are meant to find our self-worth in God, He also wired us to feel good about ourselves when we are being affirmed and cared for.

3. You Connect on the Deep Stuff

Small variations in habits, likes and personalities are usually not a bad thing. However, as research has shown, there are some areas couples really need to connect on in order to have a rich and lasting relationship.

You and your partner have to be able to agree and dialogue about the big stuff that affects your daily thinking and view of the world. This includes faith, relationships with family and communication.

Many people get into and even stay in relationships because they fall in love with surface stuff like affection and the fun they have together. But these things can only take you so far. The best relationships have depth to them, where the couple can practice faith together and communicate meaningfully.

4. You Feel Close to God

When Adam and Eve sinned, their inclination was to hide from God. We also tend to hide from God and others if we’re ashamed or we’re doing something we know is wrong—even if we don’t want to face it. How do you feel about praying for your relationship? Besides making you feel guilt, an unhealthy relationship will likely distract you and dampen your interest in God.

The right one, however, will help you feel closer to Him, be grateful toward Him and even feel a greater desire for Him.

5. There’s a Mutuality

It can be easy to fall into a place of helping someone when they need it, or relying on someone who feels like all we ever wanted. But it isn’t healthy. It prevents us from growing or respecting ourselves, and it doesn’t form a strong foundation for the future of the relationship.
The healthiest relationships have a “give and take” to them where both people help one another out relatively equally. There may be times when one partner is struggling, but the dynamic over time should be that of a mutual partnership, not a codependent relationship where one person is the caretaker, and the other person is leaning on them totally.

6. You Feel Safe

Obviously, physical safety is paramount in a relationship. But you should also feel safe emotionally. You should feel comfortable around someone; able to be yourself. You should be able to bring up an issue if you’re upset and not worry that your significant other is going to yell and storm off.

A relationship can only be successful if both people can communicate honestly and feel safe express their hurt or fears. They need to feel they will be supported, not judged.

 7. God is First for Both of You

God made us for Himself first. There’s only so much satisfaction we can get from another imperfect human being. The best relationships are those where both people completely enjoy each other, yet also recognize their personal relationships with God are immeasurably more important. Only as we lean into Him will we have the resources to grow and give to others.

8. Friends and Family Approve

Let’s face it: Sometimes we just don’t see what’s in front of us when our emotions are involved—or sometimes we just don’t want to see it. That’s where our friends and family come in. These loved ones who know us pretty well, can often recognize if a relationship is good or bad for us.

Of course, they don’t always agree. But be sure to listen if you have a few friends and family members who voice concerns over red flags in your relationship. They are concerned because they love you, so be willing to ask for and heed their advice.



  1. Freichelle Aguirre

    April 19, 2017 at 3:52 pm

    Junmar Torquido

  2. Kendra C. Westerband Ortiz

    April 10, 2017 at 12:45 am

    Eunice Merle Westerband

  3. Grace Mogodiri

    April 8, 2017 at 7:20 pm

    Amen God is our protecter

  4. Angela Pompano

    April 8, 2017 at 4:47 pm


  5. Yvette Ewingchow

    April 8, 2017 at 2:24 pm

    So true

  6. Marquitta Roseboro

    April 8, 2017 at 1:08 pm


  7. Theko Noliwe

    April 8, 2017 at 10:45 am

    Be with me lord

  8. Bros Ok

    April 8, 2017 at 7:39 am


  9. Geanie Campbell

    April 8, 2017 at 3:50 am

    Amen Thank you Jesus

  10. Pam Aycock Holt

    April 8, 2017 at 1:31 am


  11. Bjon Waters

    April 8, 2017 at 1:09 am

    so true

  12. Terry Daley

    April 8, 2017 at 12:10 am


  13. Ranae Reynolds

    April 8, 2017 at 12:08 am

    Love it ❤❤❤ and definiywlt agree and I love how many of the same examples also apply to our female relationships, friendships. Making sure they aline with Proverbs 17:17 and God is in it. It’s so helpful to pray also for your male and female relationships for guidance and letting some of these examples speak to you. #Amen

  14. Ellah Reu Cabaya

    April 7, 2017 at 11:58 pm

    Thank you…

  15. Ben Keratile Maiphetlho Abraham

    April 7, 2017 at 9:47 pm


  16. Elsa Carvajal

    April 7, 2017 at 9:02 pm


  17. Nonhlanhla Pitso

    April 7, 2017 at 8:34 pm


  18. Lilian C Onyema

    April 7, 2017 at 7:53 pm


  19. Tiff Cook

    April 7, 2017 at 6:14 pm

    100% True. But you can’t tell church folk that. Interesting

  20. Ngangwa Sally

    April 7, 2017 at 5:47 pm

    God save me.

  21. Shirley Womack Calhoun

    April 7, 2017 at 5:46 pm

    I do so pray I’d know all this 56+ yrs ago.

  22. Telly Manuel

    April 7, 2017 at 5:29 pm

    Try not to be blinded by the enemies lies…..

  23. Lebo Phake

    April 7, 2017 at 5:01 pm


  24. Dawnie Wynne Wynne

    April 7, 2017 at 5:00 pm


  25. Sphilisiwe Tsakane

    April 7, 2017 at 4:55 pm


  26. Otsanya Onmonya Comfort

    April 7, 2017 at 3:46 pm

    Hmm hmm

  27. Dee Jones

    April 7, 2017 at 3:40 pm


  28. Tina Keys

    April 7, 2017 at 3:36 pm


  29. Yvonne Stoudermire

    April 7, 2017 at 3:35 pm


  30. Joanna L Kearns

    April 7, 2017 at 3:14 pm

    moving onto healtheir topics of discussion

  31. Botlhe Radimpe

    April 7, 2017 at 3:13 pm

    like it…

  32. Kimberly Biagas Washington

    April 7, 2017 at 2:44 pm

    Love it!

  33. Michelle Edwards

    April 7, 2017 at 2:44 pm

    Josh Smith

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