How can you tell if it’s worth staying in a relationship or if it’s necessary to put a stop to it and say ‘enough’? You may be thinking “Even in this relationship there’s a shred of hope of someday achieving happiness.”
We as human beings tend to idealize things we want. Studies have shown that when you are “in love,” it can make your partner look more attractive, intelligent and desirable than what they really are. So when the relationship ends and you look back, you say: “What did I see in him?”
When it comes to dysfunctional relationships, the person usually clings to the relationship because the person is deeply involved. On the other side, the person will always give their best to make the relationship work to the point of enduring difficulties that are too extreme.
It’s time to identify the things that are not good, healthy or normal in your relationship. Here are ten important points when considering if it’s time to say “enough.”
Please keep in mind that these points are for couples that are pre-marriage. I am not a marriage counselor and I try to avoid giving marital advice to married couples. If any of these points resonate with you, please seek professional Marriage counseling or Pastoral counseling.
1. Physical abuse
Many confused women believe that violence only involves being hit by your partner. Violence is not only physical aggression: pushing, pulling, throwing things when angry or upset, yelling obscenities and so on. That is violence and it cannot be justified, even if you think you have every right.
So either he hit you once or your partner continuously releases his frustrations on you, this is physical abuse. Physical abuse can come from emotional arguments; when it reaches this extreme, trust and respect are lost and the predominant feeling becomes fear. You can try to forgive and forget the first incident, but I don’t blame you if he does it again. If violence is present in your relationship it is time to say “enough” (even if it is the woman that hits you).
2. Your partner does not consider you at all
With the task of everyday life, with work, the kids, school, your home, there comes a time when you notice that your partner does not care if you are tired, ill, occupied your partner seems to not care, and even worse, he or she expects things to continue going the same.
On the contrary, instead of helping you or simplifying your life, he or she adds more stress to it. This is a clear sign that your spouse does not consider in the least.
Whether the addiction is gambling, drugs, alcohol or something else, when your partner has become addicted to the point that it becomes a problem and is affecting their own welfare, the relationship is doomed.
If your partner is not willing to change or can’t change and isn’t willing to seek help, unfortunately you are left with no other option. If things don’t change, you know where the door is. Perhaps you leaving the relationship will force him to realize that it’s time to make some serious adjustments in his life.
4. He/She is your worst critic
This is dangerous. When you feel that your partner thinks he is better than you; that he is perfect, that he knows how to do things better than you, and criticizes you without stopping . This is a bad sign. If your partner criticizes the way you dress, where you work, what you think, your laugh, and nothing you do seems to satisfy him, he is your worst critic.
Phrases like ” You never do anything right,” “I have to do it so that everything goes well,” are hurtful phrases that make you feel like you are constantly attacked by the one you expect unconditional support from.
Although the media often sells the deception and deceit as this being normal in men and women, it is not normal. This is not normal in a healthy relationship.
If you can’t tell someone the truth and you are constantly searching for what is not lost; then it’s time to rethink what you are doing.
6. When they are only concerned with what affects him or her
Feeling empathy is a gift from God. Not everyone knows how to put themselves in someone else’s shoes. Apathy, however, is quite the opposite. If you have already confessed on how bad you feel in the relationship and your partner does absolutely nothing to improve the situation, I believe it’s not worth continuing.
7. You have grown, but your partner has not
This happens quite often. Over time, people naturally begin to separate; interests change, goals change and people begin to want to take a different path in life. If you are starting to feel this way in your relationship, you must tell your partner the truth. It’s unfair to continue dragging your partner just because you are afraid of hurting their feelings.
Now, maybe your partner might also want to change and improve, but he is lost and does not know which way to go. If so, it’s the time for one to be the support of the other and you could redefine your goals. Competing with each other is pointless.
In the event that you are in a totally unbalanced relationship for the sake of your partner, then you are not in a relationship but in a dictatorship. A healthy relationship is balanced and both partners; mutually contributing at different times. There may be a period where you need to help your partner, and in another occasion in which you may need a helping hand.
Remember that it may be difficult for you to get ahead when you feel under appreciated.
This can come in many forms, but in this case I mean someone who mistreats his partner through constant verbal abuse, mental games and degradation. If you are in a relationship where your partner is the type who complains, speaks ill of you, and attempts to make you look like a fool, then it is time to reconsider your relationship.
At this point you should give an ultimatum and demand he immediately stop his disrespectful behavior towards you, or you will leave. If he does not stop, consider saying, “Enough.”