I miss the early days of the pandemic.
Might sound like such an odd thing to long for. Of course, I don’t miss the dread, the angst, the frenzy of finding Lysol wipes, the turmoil that came with a degree of isolation that most of us had never known, the novel sickness, and sheer death that came with the Covid-19 Pandemic.
But I do miss how the pandemic forced us to be so still that we had no other choice but to hone in on what genuinely mattered. In the early pandemic days, my friends and I were so deeply intentional about checking in on one another–I mean really checking in on one another. Our group chats were meaningful. We had zoom birthdays and zoom holiday check-ins. And scheduled facetimes were a joy. The overarching societal disconnection made us connect more intuitively, more genuinely, more purposefully. And though physically alone, my heart thrived in that season.
And yet, studies, such as US Surgeon General, Dr. Vivek H. Murthy’s (2023) Our Epidemic of Loneliness and Isolation,shows that we are lonelier than ever.
I feel that. The truth is, I’m not sure that most of us have paused long enough to truly process the trauma that we were subjected to and endured in the pandemic. Surely, too many people faced the devastation of loved ones getting on ventilators, only to never come off or come home. A portion of the population has been left reeling from long-lasting issues of long-covid, and haven’t had the luxury of bouncing back to normal, as many have been fortunate enough to. There are people who couldn’t have the closure of having a proper send-off for their loved ones because we were in the early stages of lockdown when their beloved passed away or graduated from highschool. And for many, including me, dear relationships have suffered and haven’t had the capacity to bounce back from years of us navigating through perpetual, personal and collective trauma and physical distance. All of it, though on different scales, is devastating and life-altering.
As a person who lives alone, and states away from my central community of friends, historically, connecting physically is what breathed life into me and these precious relationships. Coffee-dates, workouts, and communing around the kitchen table was where a lot of intimacy was fostered, and relationships were bolstered. The pandemic brought all those means of connection to a halt. And even though my friends and I were able to keep up a semblance of connection, virtually in the pandemic, once “outside was open,” I think we all got lost in trying to redeem lost time and forgot about one another in the midst of that redemption. The pace of life almost seems more intense now than it was pre-pandemic. I also think many of us got so acclimated to living in our pandemic-bubble, that we haven’t really fully put ourselves out there to reach back out to people who were once part of our inner circle, pre-pandemic. Frankly, our capacities have changed, which is completely understandable. And with that, inevitably relationships have changed as well. It is simply yet another secondary loss from the pandemic.
I know for me, it’s now excruciating to catch up with loved ones and pretty much have to ask or be asked: “So how have the last 3-4 years been?” *Cringe* Where do we even start? Personally, I’ve found that currently, it is far easier for me to maintain the friendships that managed to stay afloat during the pandemic years. And it has proven more difficult to reconnect with loved ones where communication was irregular; not because I do not sincerely desire re-connection, but only because it feels utterly overwhelming to try to navigate where and how to start that re-connection.
I recently had to accept the disintegration of a friendship of nearly 25 years. A friendship that has endured that long, one simply doesn’t not expect for it to dissolve after decades. There is certainly a level of grief that is attached to that for sure. As I pursued peace in that friendship, and realized that this loved ones’ legitimate trauma disallowed them from meeting me with that same caliber of peace, I knew reconciliation was not possible (at least not in this season). And if I were to get to the marrow of the friction between us, I’d say it’s because for many reasons, our relationship was not able to sustain the brutality of the pandemic.
Many of us are longing for community like never before. It is one thing to feel lonely because of isolation, that is a consequence of a raging virus, running rampant. It is another level of heaviness to navigate loneliness because some, once marvelous, relationships didn’t have the ability to withstand those rough years of change, uncertainty, and distance that virus caused.
My prayer for me, is a prayer for all of us:
Dear Heavenly Father,
Thank You for being God. Thank You for keeping us through such a horrific time. We grieve for all those who were lost, as we grieve for all of that which was lost. Lord, some of what we lost were friends that made up the fabric of our lives. We bring that devastation to You. God, I know that from the beginning of time, You purposed us for partnership and community. You have never called us to do this life alone. Not even You did this life alone. Jesus, I pray that You bring comfort, clarity, and peace to all of us navigating complicated dynamics with loved ones. Where reconciliation is possible, Lord help us to pursue that. Relationships that You are calling us to prune in this juncture of life, God, I pray that we would entrust You with those as well–grant us acceptance of the fact that what was, is no longer what is. Remind us that Your plan is always for our good, even when it doesn’t feel good. I pray that You would bring your daughters and sons healthy, Godly, loving, joyous community. As we wait for that community, and even after we may receive it, Lord, I pray that we will always consider you as our most faithful and nearest Friend.
It’s in Jesus’ name, I pray.
Amen.
- The Pandemic, Friendship, and The Longing For Community - January 27, 2025
- How to Cope with Quarantining Alone - May 18, 2020
- Staying Calm in Turbulent Times - March 21, 2019
