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3 Steps To Break Free From Ungodly Relationships

Ungodly RelationshipsThere are many reasons you may be in the midst of a toxic relationship or in the process of getting over one.

A toxic relationship is any relationship that cripples your ability to flourish in God’s purpose and plan for your life.

There is one theme that has always rang true for me as it relates to ungodly relationships: I did not seek God before entering into the relationship. It was always a relationship that I chose because it lined up with my desires at the time, which were very far from God’s desires.

STEP ONE

If you are currently in a relationship that is draining the life from you, your first step to break free is to ask yourself this very crucial question: Did God approve the relationship to begin with?

God only ordains or approves relationships that are designed to help us live out our God-given purpose. Any relationship that does contrary is most likely one we have chosen and choose to remain in because of our own personal wants and desires.

If you are in a relationship that God did not approve, it’s not the end of the world! It may actually be the beginning of something very liberating, if you can find the strength to admit your error. The truth will make you free, and it will begin to lift the burden that you have been carrying around.

STEP TWO

The second thing you must do if you are trying to break free from a toxic relationship is: Only listen to Godly counsel.

When you are dealing with very stressful situations, it is your first inclination to seek the opinion of friends and family. There is nothing wrong with that if they are giving you Godly counsel. But if they are just telling you what they personally think and feel, you are going to remain bound.

Friends and family mean well most of the time, but because we often want to please them and not upset them, we follow their advice even when God is speaking something totally different.

STEP THREE

The third thing that is important for you to know if you are trying to break free from a toxic relationship: Don’t label fear as confusion.

Often times when we begin to seek God about a situation that could change the course of our lives, He will speak something to us that we were not expecting. When it comes to a relationship that we have chosen to remain in despite its toxic nature, we are overtaken with fear if God tells us to walk away. Instead of admitting we are fearful, we say “I am confused.”

Labeling fear as confusion feels better because it continues to justify our reason for not leaving. Listen to me closely, God NEVER intends for you to remain in any relationship that strips you of your dignity and self-worth.

Yes, every relationship requires work and will experience hardships. However, there is a very significant difference between the normal ups and downs of a relationship and outright physical, mental and emotional abuse.

God does not require you to endure anything of that nature to prove your love for Him or for the other person involved. Many times we choose to stay because we don’t want to feel like a failure.

I know from personal experience that God can and will restore you no matter how long you have remained in a toxic relationship.

He will put your broken pieces back together and He will begin to rebuild you as soon as you make a decision that His purpose for your life is more important to you than how others see you or even how you see yourself.

Always remember, there is life after a toxic relationship!

Erica Wyatt

Erica Wyatt

Visit her at drwyattinspires.com
Dr. Erica Wyatt is a single mother of four beautiful children, the author of "Striving to Live a Life of Purpose:My Journey from Teenage Mom to PhD Graduate,an educator, and a Christian Life Coach
Erica Wyatt
124 Comments

124 Comments

  1. Victoria Hall

    June 2, 2017 at 11:47 pm

    All of them

  2. Beth Pergola Robinson

    May 29, 2017 at 2:25 pm

    Jenny Bamberg

  3. Lori Morgan

    May 29, 2017 at 12:57 pm

    Kellie Ann

  4. Marilyn Chereti

    May 29, 2017 at 7:14 am

    The sad part is that you will only realise it later that it wasnt approved by God and you look at all the years, the children, the time that you spent trying to mend it only to realise they were wasted years. We need to pray for God to give us spiritual eyes and to guide us

  5. Prinsesa Martinez

    May 29, 2017 at 2:06 am

    Monica Gautier

  6. Lethukuthula Gumpo

    May 28, 2017 at 9:17 pm

    Nandie Ndhlovu

  7. AnneRuth Nakatumba

    May 28, 2017 at 6:33 pm

    And if indicators show this wasn’t God’s will then what? What about the children between us? What about my happiness? What?

  8. Amy Airey

    May 28, 2017 at 4:16 pm

    Amen

  9. Kimberly L. Lawson

    May 28, 2017 at 2:34 pm

    Encouraging article.

  10. Kediboni Ndlovu

    May 28, 2017 at 10:57 am

    that’s a very big question

  11. Pacita Simisim

    May 28, 2017 at 10:05 am

    Broken promises

  12. Ivy Violan Escritor

    May 28, 2017 at 9:04 am

    Jsvhs

  13. Terry Daley

    May 28, 2017 at 8:57 am

    Thank you Jesus Amen

  14. Rhonna Vhanna Bhert

    May 28, 2017 at 7:32 am

    Fifth Child Urz Gabz

  15. Renneth Iron H Karobes

    May 28, 2017 at 6:25 am

    Andiswa Tom

  16. Holly Anne Flanagan

    May 28, 2017 at 3:37 am

    Chaylyn Humphreys – hope this helps to make today greater xo

  17. Tommye Dell Daniel Robinson

    May 28, 2017 at 3:20 am

    Bottom line is that God does not approve a relationship of fornication, period. If you’re not married it’s not God approved. If you’re married remember it is for life; God does not approve divorce and it cannot end marriage. You separate yourself if there is physical abuse, but prayer and trust in God can bring the marriage into alignment with what He designed marriage to be.

    • Marita G. Duran

      May 28, 2017 at 5:21 am

      Does marriage via civil ceremony count? My estranged husband says since we didn’t get married by the church that the saying what God united no man can separate. 🙁

    • Samaria Leanora

      May 28, 2017 at 8:46 am

      Lol this statement is not entirely true

    • Tommye Dell Daniel Robinson

      May 28, 2017 at 3:32 pm

      Marita G. Duran the ceremony, whether performed in a church or otherwise, is basically notice to the public of the commitment. The vows are binding either way, because marriage is instituted by God; vows are made to God and to each other.

    • Tommye Dell Daniel Robinson

      May 28, 2017 at 3:36 pm

      Samaria Leandra which statement?

  18. Tyonia Lynn

    May 28, 2017 at 1:44 am

    Ashley Blankman

  19. Mary Rice

    May 28, 2017 at 1:40 am

    Bridget Smalling

  20. Meg Brown

    May 28, 2017 at 12:30 am

    Angela Erdman

  21. Laurel Jean Rush-Boltz

    May 28, 2017 at 12:01 am

    Only the word people

  22. Jean Olazo

    May 28, 2017 at 12:00 am

    Mhay Mhay Cay Angel Cayarian Reagan Baldrias Darriel Espinar Ma Jafet Hallado Torres Jerome Nalog Mary Thyiel Mendoza Hannah Lei Alday Atienza John Mendoza

  23. La-Shawn Wells

    May 27, 2017 at 11:47 pm

    How do you know what a toxic relationship is &what is both persons are to blame?
    I’ve been with my sons father for 25 years I want to end it but he doesn’t see why I want to leave & it’s not easy but he can be mean at times verbally but I provoke him too Jesus take the wheel send the signs allow me to hear & listen to you

    • Leila Haddadi

      May 27, 2017 at 11:55 pm

      First of all, you look like you’re 25 (jealous) lol secondly trust in Him and He will lead you the way in His timing. That’s what I’ve realized in this first week of separation/divorce in all the shock and emotion. If we go by OUR timing the results will never be clear or complete, it’s always the Lord’s timing where everything will be brighter down the road. The devil is a liar hence the doubts we consume ourselves.

    • La-Shawn Wells

      May 27, 2017 at 11:59 pm

      ♡♡♡♡
      Lol to God be the glory thank you so much
      (ME 25) try 45 🙂 shhh lol thanks!
      Peace Light & blessings… I’m trying to sit still & hear!
      Good luck to you too!

    • Samaria Leanora

      May 28, 2017 at 8:47 am

      I hear you! I’m in the exact same boat.

    • Betty Davis

      May 28, 2017 at 1:08 pm

      You are a very positive and uplifting person Leila Haddadi. Its God’s gift. You are already blessed. You have got this indeed!

    • Betty Davis

      May 28, 2017 at 1:09 pm

      La-Shawn Wells much strenght and guidance to you too.

  24. Susie Gambrell

    May 27, 2017 at 11:30 pm

    Came at the right time. Thank you

  25. Renata M Dragsnes Johnsen

    May 27, 2017 at 11:27 pm

    But ho can you be shore that god gås not apeovd it?? What is the sign??

    • Leila Haddadi

      May 27, 2017 at 11:43 pm

      The key is to NEVER doubt God. Divorce isn’t something that’s “approved” of in the holy book but if we truly know God we know He will look out for our best interest.

    • Renata M Dragsnes Johnsen

      May 27, 2017 at 11:44 pm

      Om not divorce but ho do i know og the man om married to is the one for me but not what god want???

    • Jean Olazo

      May 28, 2017 at 12:02 am

      He is pulling you away from God.

    • Renata M Dragsnes Johnsen

      May 28, 2017 at 12:05 am

      But he’s not. For him it is ok that i belive and he goes to churt whit me to suport me…

  26. Leila Haddadi

    May 27, 2017 at 11:18 pm

    I believe God brought us together but now that he left God to the side and became abusive, I’m convinced that God was protecting me as he left me last week to live a bachelor life instead of the Godly life he promised. Now we’re going through divorce and I’m counting it as a Blessing from God for my safety and well-being.

    • Kayla Shattles Fordham

      May 27, 2017 at 11:26 pm

      I’m going through the very same thing. I feel the same way as well, though it is heartbreaking & the biggest pain of my life. I hope that is the case, anyway, that this is god’s will. Im trusting that.

    • Leila Haddadi

      May 27, 2017 at 11:29 pm

      I’ve never met you but I’ll tell you one thing, we can do this sister! I have to put all my faith and trust in GOD before anything else. He will not let us down and remember HIS plan for us is always bigger then any plan we set. You got this 💛💛💛

    • Terry Bizy

      May 28, 2017 at 1:49 pm

      Quitting is not always a solution but praying for your spouse can create greater chances of making things better for your marriages. Remember as we believers don’t have to act according to our will but God’s will.when you got married you became one.my sisters my advice for you all hurting is to devote your lives to reading the Bible so that God can erase all the pain you all have in your hearts.Remember the words of Jesus chrirst to us .PEACE I GIVE NOT AS THE WORLD GIVES.

    • Terry Bizy

      May 28, 2017 at 1:55 pm

      So pray for that peace that we get in a midst of a Strong storm.Sometimes people offend each other not because they want but because they are being pushed by the devil.My sisters quitting will give the devil joy.Right now what you have to realise in your marriages is that the enemy is not your husband but the devil who came to snatch your joy.prayer upon destroying the devil ,he will flee and your joy will be restored.

    • Terry Bizy

      May 28, 2017 at 2:17 pm

      Read your Bibles ,remember faith comes by hearing and hearing by the word of God.Read your Bible for the word to dwell in you then ,you will have faith in God to make your marriages better.

  27. McKenzie Raquel

    May 27, 2017 at 11:16 pm

    Nope he didn’t , but ignored my intuition. Now I’m getting a divorce ‍♀️ lesson learned

  28. Grammar Lols

    April 11, 2017 at 12:22 am

    Joan Supremo

  29. Nancy Ketrina

    April 10, 2017 at 3:12 pm

    If u only trust on him

  30. Vonnette Crawford

    April 10, 2017 at 4:15 am

    Amen

  31. Kendra C. Westerband Ortiz

    April 10, 2017 at 12:45 am

    Eunice Merle Westerband

  32. Cathy Ume

    April 9, 2017 at 9:47 am

    Amen. Amen.

  33. Sandra Pollard

    April 9, 2017 at 9:27 am

    So true, I had to learn the hard way…

  34. Asuquo Asuquo

    April 9, 2017 at 8:05 am

    This is so true cos just left one and I’m now seeing God working things out in my favour.

  35. Esther Nunez

    April 9, 2017 at 6:43 am

    So very true…

  36. Brenda Ondeck

    April 9, 2017 at 4:27 am

    True

  37. Jocelyn AlwaysPraying Trimble

    April 9, 2017 at 3:23 am

    Right on time message. #freedom

  38. Mary Angeline

    April 9, 2017 at 3:07 am

    Vivien Joy Rivera

  39. Ida Burch

    April 9, 2017 at 2:20 am

    Yes I do understand

  40. Aibrean Higbie

    April 9, 2017 at 1:03 am

    Amen

  41. さき みよみ

    April 9, 2017 at 12:50 am

    Thank u for this article.

  42. Lucky Drei

    April 9, 2017 at 12:46 am

    Leighyn Tan

  43. Machia Raffield Gutmann

    April 8, 2017 at 11:38 pm

    Yes my ex husband belongs there that took me decades to realize because I blamed me even though he was abusive and cheated consistently. No more

  44. Soldiers For Christ.

    April 8, 2017 at 10:56 pm

    My body is a temple.

  45. Amber Christensen Sully

    April 8, 2017 at 10:20 pm

  46. Lonnie Hamel

    April 8, 2017 at 9:49 pm

    Just be aware. The minute you leave…the smear campaign begins. And they relentlessly recruit your friends and family and church and coworkers and even clerks you like at your grocery store to harass you into continuing to submit to abuse.

  47. Freda Grandy

    April 8, 2017 at 8:25 pm

    Tina Johnson

  48. Jan Coleman Londé

    April 8, 2017 at 7:57 pm

    Christie Ramirez

  49. Jake Dobbs

    April 8, 2017 at 7:04 pm

    amen in Jesus name

  50. Gina Strength

    April 8, 2017 at 6:49 pm

    I’ve had to break free one.step.at.a.time.

  51. Liz Michelle Arrocha Figueroa

    April 8, 2017 at 6:11 pm

    Amen.

  52. Shekinah Jireh

    April 8, 2017 at 5:48 pm

    I know any ungodly relationship is wrong,whatever it is.. the thought that God is not pleased with that kind of relationship, you should stop it and be free from it or else you will be a slave of it..the enemy is just deceiving you in this form.. PRAY so that you will have the power against the works of the enemy…PRAY so that God will guide you into all truth and He will give you Knowledge and wisdom to win this kind of battle…. Resist the devil and he flee away from you,abstain from all kinds if evil and think on what is pure,right,noble and what is right in the eyes of God…:)

  53. Leleti Makoena Tsoloane

    April 8, 2017 at 5:37 pm

    Lesson learned

  54. Beta Lefallo

    April 8, 2017 at 5:31 pm

    Lesson learned

  55. Angela Pompano

    April 8, 2017 at 4:45 pm

    Yes

  56. Lorato Ditlhase

    April 8, 2017 at 4:41 pm

    Amen

  57. Eloise Bagwell

    April 8, 2017 at 4:38 pm

    That is so true aman,

  58. Jo Ann Flynn

    April 8, 2017 at 4:35 pm

    Grace Vitt Mary-Ann Vitt love you both.

  59. Christine Monageng

    April 8, 2017 at 4:20 pm

    Amen

  60. Sherri Fields

    April 8, 2017 at 3:53 pm

    Amen, it is so liberating

  61. Bernadette Bumatay Militar

    April 8, 2017 at 3:43 pm

    Guillane Joy Ruiz Bumatay

  62. Lizie Nyirendah

    April 8, 2017 at 3:36 pm

    Amen

  63. Gena Swafford

    April 8, 2017 at 3:30 pm

    Not just everyone can work for police. You’ve got to know the law and have an education as well, and it is really dangerous for the unqualified.

  64. Nambafu Saida

    April 8, 2017 at 1:51 pm

    God used to send me signs and warnings but I didn’t pay attention I only realized after six years. I believe its not too late to let God guide me again

  65. Collette Williams

    April 8, 2017 at 1:46 pm

    Isiah McGill

  66. Portia Cancie Leshaba

    April 8, 2017 at 1:33 pm

    I totally agreee….our God is a faithful God, he will never leave nor forsake us. All warnings and signs are realeved with time. No one is obligated or responsible to stay in an abusive relationships. We all have the ability to be whatever we want through christ

  67. Kasey Purser

    April 8, 2017 at 1:32 pm

    Lindsey Carpenter you are such a strong beautiful woman! Keep leaning on Him and trusting in His plan. I love you and am here for ya girl!

  68. Epifania Marasigan

    April 8, 2017 at 12:45 pm

    No, O people, the Lord has told you what is good, and this is what he requires of you: to do what is right, to love mercy, and to walk humbly with your God.
    Micah 6:8 NLT
    http://bible.com/116/mic.6.8.NLT

  69. Epifania Marasigan

    April 8, 2017 at 12:44 pm

    Seek the Lord in all things.. He alone gives wisdom and teaches the right path, points the right decision for your good. obedience is a must to prosper His plans for us!

  70. Sobeng Matsei

    April 8, 2017 at 12:43 pm

    I’m very encouraged reading this, thank U for posting this wisdom!

  71. Shirley Womack Calhoun

    April 8, 2017 at 12:33 pm

    56 yes… when? I don’t believe he is saved… says he is, but absolutely no evidence.. never reads bible never prays… never wants to watch or listen to any Christian radio etc .

  72. Niema Erving

    April 8, 2017 at 12:01 pm

    But When God is in it , it feels right. And when he’s not it doesn’t. God will send all kinds of signs and warnings. We just have to be paying attention and follow our heart and instincts. I’ve been through this and thank God I was obedient because I feel better and happier than ever now since I divorced

  73. Jeanette Mabogo

    April 8, 2017 at 11:32 am

    Amen lesson learned

  74. Bella Gomez

    April 8, 2017 at 11:28 am

    Mae Ruth Navarro Talag

  75. Alisa Johnson

    April 8, 2017 at 11:22 am

    So true

  76. Yvonne Kimanzi

    April 8, 2017 at 11:17 am

    Amen

  77. Carolyn Reed

    April 8, 2017 at 10:59 am

    Never again Amen

  78. Lagi Wilz

    April 8, 2017 at 10:54 am

    Peej Perese ❤️

  79. Keifa Joseph

    April 8, 2017 at 10:37 am

    L-jordan Hinds

  80. Peace Udoh

    April 8, 2017 at 10:36 am

    That’s true

  81. Kimberly Dearnbarger

    April 8, 2017 at 10:35 am

    I was recently dating someone and I just couldn’t help feel something wasn’t right. I prayed a lot about it than one day the God open my eyes. Thank you Lord. God was reaching out to me. Saved me.

  82. Lady-Teekay Ngobese

    April 8, 2017 at 10:27 am

    Been disrespected and walked all over despite all my efforts of making it work, tried many times over to fix everything and anything that I didn’t break, 4 years later, I realised I was giving my all to the wrong person & got no one else to blame but myself cos the signs has always been there. All was not in vain though cos I now know better and believe with all my heart and being that God will restore all the devil ever stole from me. Life goes on 🙂

    • Kaleigh Rachelle

      April 9, 2017 at 2:15 am

      Took the words right from my mouth, 4 years too! God has more for us 😊

  83. Girlbertinah Dikeledi Makgele

    April 8, 2017 at 10:23 am

    Amen

  84. Ellah Reu Cabaya

    April 8, 2017 at 10:18 am

    Encouraging…Amen

  85. Tanya Abdulla

    April 8, 2017 at 9:03 am

    Amen

  86. Zukiswa Tshalana

    April 8, 2017 at 9:00 am

    Yes…

  87. Seidu Issabella

    April 8, 2017 at 8:45 am

    Amen

  88. Fernando Lopez

    April 8, 2017 at 8:32 am

    Hannah Lopez

  89. Karla Horn

    April 8, 2017 at 8:19 am

    Encouraging reading this! Thank you Lord

  90. Ngangwa Sally

    April 8, 2017 at 8:11 am

    Truely

  91. Kerri Burton

    April 8, 2017 at 8:03 am

    Amen!

  92. Amy Rodriguez

    April 8, 2017 at 8:02 am

  93. Terry Daley

    April 8, 2017 at 7:50 am

    Thank you Jesus Amen

  94. Debbie Alford Johnson

    April 8, 2017 at 7:33 am

    Very true. We should love ourselves enough to never let anyone disrespect us as we should have respect for them as well. Without trust and respect a relationship and/or marriage is nothing.

  95. Annie Higuera

    April 8, 2017 at 7:18 am

    Lesson learned! ❤️

  96. Palesa Bertha Mosifane

    April 8, 2017 at 7:15 am

    Amen

  97. Kediboni Ndlovu

    April 8, 2017 at 7:13 am

    amen

  98. Sindiswa Thwala

    April 8, 2017 at 7:12 am

    Amen

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