The #1 Question Christian Singles Should Ask Themselves

would you date you

Would you date you?

It’s a simple question, but I didn’t have a simple answer. I sat on my bed pondering that question over and over in my mind.

After an hour, I came to a conclusion. The answer was no.

It was a question that I posed to myself after having a life changing conversation with my then boyfriend.

He and I had been on again and off again for quite awhile. It seemed as if we kept going around the same mountain over and over, without a clear resolution in site.

After our conversation that night, I discovered one of the main reasons…. 

All I remember hearing was “Denise, you’re a runner” Now for those who aren’t familiar, this is a derogatory term often used (among teenagers) to describe a woman who has been intimate with many men. Of course my initial reaction was shock and offense.

“Excuse me, what did you just call me”? He replied “Denise, I don’t mean that type of runner. I mean when you face adversity and things get rough, you run. You don’t like to stick things out”.

I was completely taken aback. Why? It was because he was right.

Rewind the tape of my dating history…

Although I hadn’t had much “real” dating experience, there were a few guys in my past whom I briefly “dated”.

As I reflected on the words spoken that night, I was reminded that each ended with the same scenario. I broke it off with every…single…one of them. There was no explanation. No warning. Nothing.

When things didn’t go “my” way, I simply walked away from the person and relationship. I didn’t want to face any type of pain, rejection, or abandonment.

So, I figured the easiest way for me to avoid that was to simply walk way. For years that worked for me, but not once did I ever consider how the other person felt. Until now…

Silenced echoed on the other end of the phone. For the first time in my life, I was literally speechless. As much I didn’t want to admit it, he was absolutely correct.

I felt awful. Awful for the trail of broken hearts that I left behind. I felt awful for the pain that I was causing him. Just awful. 

I was comfortable running. I didn’t have to deal with my issues of abandonment when I was running. I wouldn’t have to feel relationship pain if I ran. Running was all I knew. 

Often times we are so oblivious to our behavior. Up until this point, I had been extremely unaware . I believe God allows people to enter our lives to help reveal our flaws.

Had we never dated (again) or had that conversation, I would still be running. I’m grateful that God used him to speak to me that night.

That conversation completely opened my eyes to so many things that I needed to work on within myself. Although we have since parted ways, that day forever changed my life. 

 The Bible says in 2 Timothy1:7 “For God gave us a spirit not of fear but of power and love and self-control”.

There is a greater power called the “Holy Spirit” working within me.

Therefore, I no longer have to run when things get rough.

We never know who God will use to speak to us. Thankfully, I’ve learned how to stop running so I can hear Him when He does.

“Would You Date You?”

Finally, I can confidently answer that question with a firm “yes”.


Written by Denise Thurmond


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