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Feeling Stuck? The One Thing That Might Be Holding You Back

frustrated woman

frustrated woman

In March I talked about getting unstuck. I really do believe that 2016 is somebody’s year for a breakthrough and I shared 3 ways on how to get unstuck and get moving. But one thing I really believe is still holding some women back (and one thing that held ME back until I addressed it) is how they see themselves in relation to what they’re doing to have the change and transformation they really want. In other words, you confess what you want, and for a while you do the things you know you need to do to have what you want. But at some point, you relapse, collapse and do the exact opposite of what you need to do to have what you say you want.

It’s a common theme I hear from the many different types of women. And it ranges from the seemingly harmless to the very serious. It’s a cycle. We know right from wrong. We know there are consequences or rewards for our choices and behaviors. Yet, when it comes to aligning our behaviors with our desired outcome, we can’t do it. We keep behaving in ways that rain down the very consequences we say we don’t want.

Now, for those of you who don’t have this issue, that’s great. But you may be looking at some of your friends and family members wondering why they can’t just get it together. So I want to encourage you to have a little compassion. And if this is you, and you can’t stop doing the same self-defeating things over and over no matter what you’ve tried, I have some good news for you. You can change.

One young lady asked me, “What’s at the root of this?” What I shared with her is that it is often rooted in negative self-image. You see what you want and can even bring yourself to say that you want it. You can even admit how badly you want it and for what reasons you want it. But in your mind, you don’t see yourself as someone who can really have it. Deep down you believe you’re really unworthy or unqualified of having it. And you believe that even if you do get it, it’s only a matter of time before you mess things up. Sound familiar?

Now, this isn’t the only thing that impacts or feeds this type of behavior. Each person is unique. But I have noticed that there’s a relationship between the way you see yourself and your ability to change self-defeating behaviors. There’s a lot of different reasons for why you could feel the way you do, and in order for you to get to root of it, you have to get quiet and still. Then go a step further. Ask yourself if you believe you can become the best you – the person who can achieve the life you want to live.

I know many things happen to us in life that we didn’t ask for. I know sometimes we face heartbreaking setbacks through no fault of our own. People turn on you, abandon you when you need them the most, or sometimes they simply can’t be there. But instead of focusing on why and internalizing it, we need to ask “What?” What do you need to do to overcome and bounce back? What behaviors do you need to change to avoid unwanted outcomes? What do you need to do to cultivate behaviors that will lead you to your desired outcomes?

Some psychologists say that your personality is set by age 5, suggesting that change and transformation are limited at best and dependent on the type of personality you have. God did create us with specific dispositions, personalities and capabilities but we don’t have to live limited and unfulfilling lives because of the decisions we make.

You can change. God can change anyone and that includes you. If you can align your self-image and behaviors with what God says you are, what God says you can have, and what God says you can do… you can have lasting change and transformation. 

So what lifestyle issues are you struggling with? What is it that you really want to overcome once and for all? I’d love to hear about it!

Afi Pittman