It’s a little after 10 am on a Monday morning; I am sitting at my desk and looking through glass windows. My view overlooks nothing grand, but it’s beautiful in its own right. And I am assured that many people at home, sending their resume out to countless places, just as I am doing, much rather be in my “dilemma” because I at least have a job—in fact I have two. I try to remind myself of this as often as I can in an effort to be in a constant spirit of gratefulness and to keep things in proper perspective; those things namely being my provisions, blessings, and my jobs which allow me to have encounters with special young lives daily. I work as an administrative assistant at a non-public school that services students with intellectual and emotional disabilities.
I am a 25 year old woman who God has put through College and Graduate School. If there is anything that I have assurance of is that my life’s work has meaning and is destined to do more than what I am doing at the moment. Behind this desk, I feel unenthused, unmotivated, unchallenged, unproductive, stagnant, and restless. First it’s a countdown to lunch, then a countdown to dismissal that keeps me glancing at the clock. Though I try to remind myself that my purpose is not in what I do— a part of me doesn’t wholeheartedly believe that. And I suppose that’s where my inner struggle comes in between the hours of 7:30 am-3:30 pm.
After 3:30 though, I drive about 50 minutes to my part time job. This “part time job” is my full time love, so the dynamic is quite different than that of my full time job. This 50 minute drive usually allows me to de-brief and meditate. It’s quite fascinating how draining an unchallenging job can frequently be. My 50 minute drive leads me to Germantown, Maryland where I am an Adjunct Professor instructing English at Montgomery College. As soon as I walk through those glass doors, I feel as though my profession meets my passion, which in tandem, meets my purpose. My students are the very best parts of me: they are interesting, hungry, capable, intellectual, and fascinating.
I am certainly blessed to be content, challenged, and inspired in what I do at the college at least, but what about my full time job where I spend most of my waking days? How does one maneuver through waking up to go to a work environment that is no longer healthy, moving, and constructive? So many of us are stuck in offices, behind computer screens, and relegated to classrooms that no longer serve us. Our routines force us to feel more like robots rather than children of God. Resumes and cover letters are sent out daily. Prayers are sent up frequently. And it appears that we remain where we are.
God spoke to me. And He assured me that just because I want to move does not mean that He wants to move me just yet. Sometimes it becomes difficult to distinguish between God’s will and ours. His voice versus ours. He has revealed to me that though I have been looking for purpose in what I do—the phone calls that I make, the documents I create, and the orders I place, He is more concerned in using me on the job. He is more concerned that I drive my co-worker to church every Sunday and that she re-dedicated her life to Him the first Sunday we went. He is more moved by me praying with my group of sisters before we begin our work day. He is more focused on me sharing my devotionals to those in need around me. He is more interested in me putting my discouragement aside to be a source of encouragement to the students and staff around me. He is more pleased with me serving as his ambassador on this job while many fail to know Him.
Of course, there is a certain element of discomfort when we are in what seems to be a lifeless job. But we should always bear in mind that God can and will speak life into situations that seem dead. There are hidden lessons and blessings in absolutely everything. With that, my morning prayer has changed. And I challenge you to lift up the same prayer for yourself: “Lord, I am completely available to You. Use me in any way you see fit.”