If you’re like me, you’ve probably felt like knocking on heavens door “Let me in”, “I give up”, “What must I do?”, “This isn’t fair” and “Why me? “. Yep, that’s what I was screaming. I kept knocking and knocking, asking and asking “why are you doing this to me God?… I’m not as strong as you think I am”. I held Him to His word in Matthew 7:7 “Ask and it will be given to you; seek and you will find; knock and the door will be opened to you”. Still there was nothing. No resolution. No coming out of my storm.
This time in my life was a celebration for Satan. He had me where he wanted me. I was broken, shattered and I no longer knew who I was. My bedroom became my fortress. My pillow became my friend. The enemy was outside. I wanted to curl up in a ball and stay there. That my friend is called “depression”.
I couldn’t let Satan win. I had to fight but how? I was knocking, pounding and screaming. Why me? Why me? He answered. He said He will never leave me nor forsake me. In Jeremiah 29:11 it says “For I know the plans I have for you, they are plans for good and not for disaster, to give you a future and a hope.” This had me thinking about my situation. What am I focusing on? Who am I concerned about? Where is my heart?
“For where your treasure is, there your heart will be also”. (Matthew 6:21)
Where is my heart? Hmmmm…My heart was on my status. The things that I thought made me who I am. I forgot “Whose” I am. My longsuffering has brought me back to Him.
Satan will have you believe that you’re a failure. He will place seeds around you reminding you of the things that you’ve lost. Jesus will always remind you of what was placed inside of you. You don’t have to go searching. He’s in your heart. When I was in my fortress knocking, the Holy Spirit stood in on my behalf. When I couldn’t get out of bed, God woke me up. He gave me another day. He has never given up on me.
Things may not be going according to your plan. It may seem like it’s not getting better. It may even seem as though your situation is getting worse. Be still. Keep knocking, knock until He answers. He will in His time. Take this time, this storm, this blizzard to get to know Him and to get to know you. When was the last time you got to know yourself? The new you, your spiritual self. Not the old you, but the born again you. Stop revisiting the old you. The old you is where your heart was.
In closing, I can’t say that my life has bounced back and now I’m on top of the world again. I’m not living the plan I had for myself. What I can say is that my heart is open to living the plan that God has for me. This plan is not about me. It’s not the plan that others have for me. It’s His plan. No matter where I am in my life, He will supply my every need. I walk by faith and not by sight. Thank you Jesus.