Today’s post is brought to you by experience, love and mistakes! As you read, I hope it helps to guide your dating experience as a single and as a believer. It is my true desire that we all experience the very best that God has for us in every area of our lives especially, concerning the desires of our heart.
The following are 5 topics/questions that I believe are crucial to the beginning of every dating relationship no matter if you’re a man or woman:
1- Tell me about your relationship with God
There’s a difference between someone who’s religious versus a person who has a relationship with God. In my case, I want the latter. When I talk to you, I want to hear about how you talk with God as your friend and leader, instead of a deity you worship once a week.
A person who has a relationship with God isn’t simply going through the motions of going to church on Sundays and living a blah-life on Monday through Saturday. Instead, their life on Sunday spills over into their life every day of the week. Meaning, they likely pray, are generous with their time, and spend time encouraging others every day of the week. Those are the characteristics I desire in a man, and they’re the characteristics we should be looking for when dating. We should be looking for someone who is purposeful in his pursuit of God.
2- Tell me about your relationship with your family
A man’s relationship with his family reveals volumes of information. Is he a family man? Does he like kids? Does he speak with his parents or siblings on a regular basis? What’s going on in that area of a man’s life is very telling about his emotional state when dating.
If he’s struggling to maintain healthy or stable relationships with his family, he could be seeking a relationship to give him the stability he lacks and you could end up being more of a counselor than a significant other.
Find out what his views and feelings are as it pertains to his family before committing to a relationship. Doing so could save you both time and heartache from a broken relationship.
3- Tell me about your friends
Eagles fly with eagles and bad company corrupts good morals. At a certain age, a man should have a pretty close group of friends who are essentially his inner circle. These people should be individuals he values and those he can rely on to keep him honest and transparent.
When dating, we should all be asking about one’s closest friends because it provides a glimpse into the people who could potentially become your closest friends, if the relationship flourishes.
If he’s still hanging with guys who are in the club every other weekend; guys who are still getting hammered in bars; or guys that are still dating a harem of women, imagine the obstacles he will encounter once he attempts to settle down with you. He will have no support system and your relationship could hit quite a few roadblocks. Find out what his team looks like before getting too serious!
4- Tell me about your goals
Regardless of age, every man and woman should have at least one goal they’re actively working toward. Even if it’s as small as saving up $500 over the next 6 months to go on a trip, he or she should have something that’s driving them to be better or do better in life. They should have something that motivates and ignites them like a spark!
Goals keep us fluid and ensure that we continue to transform into a better version of ourselves. If a person has no goals, it’s a sign that they lack vision and the ability to plan for the future.
A person with a goal(s) should be able to fully articulate their aspirations with specificity when asked. Therefore, if you get a vague answer like “I’m working on a few things” or “I’m more of day-by-day kind of person,” it’s either a lie or they aren’t that serious about it.
Remember, scripture says “where there is no vision, the people perish” (Proverbs 29:18). If he doesn’t have goals, he has no vision and that relationship is going to perish!
5- Tell me about US
If you ask none of the above, please be intentional about asking a man about his plans for your relationship. Though each relationship and dating experience is different, there comes a time when each person knows whether or not they could potentially see themselves with the man or woman they’re dating.
Asking a man about his feelings for you or the relationship can feel awkward and even intimidating, but it’s such an important question. Asking can save you from heartache and can help you guard your heart by not dragging out a relationship that’s not meant to be.
On the flip side, it can also allow you to assess the seriousness of the relationship and help you make an informed and confident decision about being with him. Therefore, it can be a fun time to break the emotional ice as he expresses what you and the relationship mean to him.
Of course there are many, many more questions to ask when dating someone but I’d definitely highlight these as being amongst the top questions.
The important thing to remember is to ask the questions that will help you make the best decision for your heart. Life is too short and precious to be wasted, heartbroken or sad, so take the time to ask the important things and enjoy life!