Dating and relationships can be tricky. So, we must value ourselves as daughters of the King, and know; when it’s time to let him go.
So here are 5 ways to know it’s time to let him go…
He puts God on the Back-burner
When a man puts God on the back burner, don’t be surprised if he put you there too. If God is not his first, then it means that God is not his priority, and if He is not his priority; then he won’t know how to make you one either.
He will be more likely to put his career, self, or social life before his relationship with Christ, and if he puts those things first; then he won’t be leading you or himself in a strong relationship with Jesus.
But when he makes God his first, his priorities become properly in place; and He can love himself and you as ‘Christ loves the Church’.
And Jesus answered and said to him, “Get behind Me, Satan! For it is written, ‘You shall worship the Lord your God, and Him only you shall serve” (Luke: 4:8)
He’s Selfish and Self-seeking
Do his needs come before yours? Or does he put you first before himself? I remember one of the relationships I had was with a guy who only cared about himself and his self-image.
Over time I found out, that he was using me to boost his ego. I soon realized that how he saw himself was more important than how he saw me, and so I had to let him go.
If your guy seeks only to please himself and his self-image, not thinking of you or others around him; and if he puts himself and his needs first, then it’s probably time to let him go.
“Do nothing out of selfish ambition or vain conceit. Rather, in humility value others above yourselves.” (Philippians 2:3)
There’s Sexual pressure
It’s easy to fall ‘in love’ with an ideal of someone and get attached before we know their genuine character.
This can cause us to miss their true intentions. We need to ask ourselves; does he want to get to know me or my body?
I went on a date once with a guy who I thought, was a strong Christian. We sent each other bible verses and had long talks about faith. In our conversations, I told him, I wanted to wait. Then one New Year’s Eve, he invited me to his church. Afterwards, he asked me if I wanted to ring in the New Year by watching fireworks over the ocean (I know ‘romantic’ right?). Thinking this was a nice way to end the evening I said, ‘’yes’’.
However, I quickly realized; in my own naivety, that he just wanted ‘one thing’ and the Christian persona he portrayed was a false way for him to try and get it.
If a guy is sexually pressuring you, it is time to let him go because if he respects and values you; then he will respect and value the lines that you draw for yourself.
“Flee from sexual immorality. All other sins a person commits are outside the body, but whoever sins sexually, sins against their own body”. (1 Corinthians 6:18)
Is he dominating?
Does he have the need to control you and take hold of everything in your life and his? Or can he give his control to God and trust in Him?
If you’re dating someone, he must love you enough to give you the freedom to be who you are. If he is controlling you, you will never have the freedom to find who are and grow in Christ. Opportunities will be missed and you can miss your purpose and calling from the Lord.
In a past relationship, I was controlled; what I ate or drank became a problem and even what I would wear, or who I wanted to hang out with. This is red flag and if he is controlling you, then you need to let Him go and take Christ’s control instead of his.
“Trust in the LORD with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding.” (Proverbs 3:5)
There’s Verbal and/or Physical Abuse
From experience, I can say that the way a man treats you in a relationship will be the way he treats you in a marriage.
Therefore, it is important to get to know someone over time.
Are the words he uses kind? Does he value you in the way he speaks to you, encouraging you?
Sometimes, verbal abuse is so hidden that we don’t even realize when it is happening to us. If a man is not lifting you up and encouraging you in Christ, if he is only telling you ‘what is wrong with you’; trust me it will continue later down the road and you need to let him go. If he is not kind in his words, he will not be kind to you.
Though I have never endured physical abuse, if your man has touched you, committing any form of physical abuse, that is a serious offense and you should get help and contact your local National Domestic Violence Hotline. You are a daughter of the King and should not be treated otherwise.
“Let all that you do be done with love.” (1 Corinthians 16:14)