Christian Singles

5 Ways to Know It’s Time to Let Him Go

let him go

Sometimes we stay in relationships longer than we should. But how do you know when it’s time to let him go?

let him goDating and relationships can be tricky. So, we must value ourselves as daughters of the King, and know; when it’s time to let him go.

So here are 5 ways to know it’s time to let him go…

He puts God on the Back-burner

When a man puts God on the back burner, don’t be surprised if he put you there too. If God is not his first, then it means that God is not his priority, and if He is not his priority; then he won’t know how to make you one either.

He will be more likely to put his career, self, or social life before his relationship with Christ, and if he puts those things first; then he won’t be leading you or himself in a strong relationship with Jesus.

But when he makes God his first, his priorities become properly in place; and He can love himself and you as ‘Christ loves the Church’.

And Jesus answered and said to him, “Get behind Me, Satan! For it is written, ‘You shall worship the Lord your God, and Him only you shall serve” (Luke: 4:8)

He’s Selfish and Self-seeking

Do his needs come before yours? Or does he put you first before himself? I remember one of the relationships I had was with a guy who only cared about himself and his self-image.

Over time I found out, that he was using me to boost his ego. I soon realized that how he saw himself was more important than how he saw me, and so I had to let him go.

If your guy seeks only to please himself and his self-image, not thinking of you or others around him; and if he puts himself and his needs first, then it’s probably time to let him go.

“Do nothing out of selfish ambition or vain conceit. Rather, in humility value others above yourselves.” (Philippians 2:3)


There’s Sexual pressure   

It’s easy to fall ‘in love’ with an ideal of someone and get attached before we know their genuine character. This can cause us to miss their true intentions.  We need to ask ourselves; does he want to get to know me or my body?

I went on a date once with a guy who I thought, was a strong Christian. We sent each other bible verses and had long talks about faith. In our conversations, I told him, I wanted to wait. Then one New Year’s Eve, he invited me to his church. Afterwards, he asked me if I wanted to ring in the New Year by watching fireworks over the ocean (I know ‘romantic’ right?). Thinking this was a nice way to end the evening I said, ‘’yes’’.

However, I quickly realized; in my own naivety, that he just wanted ‘one thing’ and the Christian persona he portrayed was a false way for him to try and get it.

If a guy is sexually pressuring you, it is time to let him go because if he respects and values you; then he will respect and value the lines that you draw for yourself.

“Flee from sexual immorality. All other sins a person commits are outside the body, but whoever sins sexually, sins against their own body”. (1 Corinthians 6:18)

He’s controlling

Is he dominating? Does he have the need to control you and take hold of everything in your life and his? Or can he give his control to God and trust in Him? 

If you’re dating someone, he must love you enough to give you the freedom to be who you are. If he is controlling you, you will never have the freedom to find who are and grow in Christ. Opportunities will be missed and you can miss your purpose and calling from the Lord.

In a past relationship, I was controlled; what I ate or drank became a problem and even what I would wear, or who I wanted to hang out with. This is red flag and if he is controlling you, then you need to let Him go and take Christ’s control instead of his.

“Trust in the LORD with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding.” (Proverbs 3:5)

There’s Verbal and/or Physical Abuse

From experience, I can say that the way a man treats you in a relationship will be the way he treats you in a marriage. Therefore, it is important to get to know someone over time.

Are the words he uses kind? Does he value you in the way he speaks to you, encouraging you?

Sometimes, verbal abuse is so hidden that we don’t even realize when it is happening to us. If a man is not lifting you up and encouraging you in Christ, if he is only telling you ‘what is wrong with you’; trust me it will continue later down the road and you need to let him go. If he is not kind in his words, he will not be kind to you.

Though I have never endured physical abuse, if your man has touched you, committing any form of physical abuse, that is a serious offense and you should get help and contact your local National Domestic Violence Hotline. You are a daughter of the King and should not be treated otherwise.

“Let all that you do be done with love.” (1 Corinthians 16:14)

Alicia Mckenzie

Alicia Mckenzie

Alicia Mckenzie is a blogger and writer. She seeks to mutually encourage others through writing about practical Christian living, with an emphasis on divorce and singles ministries.
Alicia Mckenzie
65 Comments

65 Comments

  1. Mishy Idewa

    May 25, 2017 at 7:55 am

    Wow, am a daughter of a king and shouldn’t be treated otherwise

  2. Maria Kristina Oliva

    May 22, 2017 at 12:31 pm

    Xalee Tan

  3. Lorette Goodwin

    May 6, 2017 at 10:23 pm

    Amen..that’s a plus..

  4. Cassandra Joey Rose

    May 5, 2017 at 7:27 pm

    Amanda Warren

  5. Anza Fareza Samuels

    May 5, 2017 at 2:05 pm

    Nolene Renay Swartz; Raymonde Malakasa

  6. Devona Gutierrez

    May 5, 2017 at 2:35 am

    I wish GOD had someone for me boo

  7. Edith Paule Djomo

    May 4, 2017 at 11:25 pm

    I APPROVE

  8. Rosh Hugo

    May 4, 2017 at 11:22 pm

    Merci Lucila Catherine Gatilago 바네사반

  9. Beatrice C. Franklin

    May 4, 2017 at 8:38 pm

    So mamy women want to be first, or the only. They really don’t understand that a man’s relationship with God is foundational to his relationship with her. I was taught by Rev. Dr. Jeremiah A. Wright, Jr., that “unless a man loves God, he cannot love you right.” God teaches a man how to love a woman. So, let him love God & choose God over you. If you want God’s best for you, THIS kind of man is it!!!!

    • Devona Gutierrez

      May 5, 2017 at 2:28 am

      Yeah well where are they?? The men I see on FIRE for GOD are already married 😞

    • Beatrice C. Franklin

      May 5, 2017 at 8:43 am

      You have to ATTRACT HIM! You can’t gp LOOKING FOR HIM! Ask God for Him. God knows where he is–the one GOD has created especially for YOU! Be richly blessed!

  10. Sue Morris

    May 4, 2017 at 8:36 am

    An excellent article detailing very basic and insightful examples. It was readable, down to earth, and noting true experiences of the writer. However, at times the word “he” was capitalized when referring to the one you should let go. At other times the word “he” was capitalized to refer to God. Also, more than frequently, the author used the semicolon when she should have used a comma. The reading did not flow since I had to reread the phrase to get the meaning she intended the sentence to have. Every person of datable age needs to read and keep in mind the advice given since it can apply to males as well.

  11. Esther Kimeu

    May 4, 2017 at 3:30 pm

    Mauryn Linda come here

    • Mauryn Linda

      May 4, 2017 at 6:13 pm

      Thanks dear, here i come running.. confirmed

  12. April Q Dungog

    May 4, 2017 at 3:05 pm

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    Note: Pm nalang po sa may gusto para ma entertain ko po kayo agad:)Vinyl wallpaper at lowest Price..*** Easy to install! *** Peel and stick only! *** Suitable for wall, glass, window or other SMOOTH surfaces! *** Removable. You can either repaint the wall or reinstall another design on it! ***Waterproof.

  13. Hembaor Josephine Abaya

    May 4, 2017 at 2:53 pm

    Hmmmm

  14. Happy Agofure Onoriode

    May 4, 2017 at 1:02 pm

    So true.. I’ve been there kinda…but thank God for His Grace upon me..

  15. Cat Moran

    May 4, 2017 at 12:40 pm

    Maris Avila Bocobo

  16. Carla Wilson

    May 4, 2017 at 12:23 pm

    Not that he chooses God over you but that he gives God his rightful position which is GOD ..

    • Carla Wilson

      May 4, 2017 at 12:24 pm

      Love the Lord your God is first and love thy neighbour as thyself …

  17. Rachelle Ann Fowler

    May 4, 2017 at 12:09 pm

    Brooke Wheeler

  18. Abby Ingado

    May 4, 2017 at 12:06 pm

    God help me

  19. Ochemute Juliet

    May 4, 2017 at 10:53 am

    That’s very true. A man of God once said he wouldn’t mind sowing anything as a seed to God even his wife, this shows an insur llllllmllollpmm.mml.mll

  20. Lisa Gale-Tinklenberg

    May 4, 2017 at 10:21 am

    Absolutely .

  21. Norma Russell

    May 4, 2017 at 9:59 am

    Yes, yes, yes!

  22. Terry Ann

    May 4, 2017 at 8:55 am

    Great and helpful

  23. Sandra Taylor

    May 4, 2017 at 8:42 am

    Colleen Clarke interesting Ive made some mistakes in a few areas ❤ God bless you in the loving relationship your dear heart desires

  24. Maggie Chibanda

    May 4, 2017 at 8:00 am

    l pray for wisdom

  25. Connie Mendoza

    May 4, 2017 at 6:47 am

    Always put Jesus center of your life even before marriage. You can talk about it .

  26. Keletso Mokwena Mfolwe

    May 4, 2017 at 6:25 am

    Candy Kelosiwang ke go batlela rre wa go nna jaana

  27. Brina Doc

    May 4, 2017 at 5:59 am

    Wisdom ….

  28. Anza Fareza Samuels

    May 4, 2017 at 4:04 am

    Laetitia Titus – Tcia

  29. Tina Mash

    May 4, 2017 at 4:02 am

    yes yes and yes and someone once said,a true man of God can find his treasured woman through seeking God’s face,which is where she hides right in the shadow of His wing.

  30. Tina Mash

    May 4, 2017 at 4:02 am

    yes yes and yes and someone once said,a true man of God can find his treasured woman through seeking God’s face,which is where she hides right in the shadow of His wing.

  31. Regina Martinez

    May 4, 2017 at 3:28 am

    If a man is not faithful to God there’s no way he’s going to be faithful to you

  32. Rachel Escobedo Leal

    May 4, 2017 at 3:27 am

    Rosie Perez

  33. Patricia Abner

    May 4, 2017 at 3:21 am

    Duces baby Lol!

  34. Aaron McCoy

    May 4, 2017 at 2:49 am

    If a man chooses God that means he loves his woman with the love of God. Makes sense?

  35. Nicole Cato

    May 4, 2017 at 2:48 am

    Don’t forget about mental abuse and emotional abuse.

  36. Mary-Anne Chantelle Meo

    May 4, 2017 at 2:36 am

    SimoneMeo I found this article interesting in relation to myself

  37. Havah Galia

    May 4, 2017 at 2:36 am

    Wise words

  38. Izay Saye Zhaye

    May 4, 2017 at 2:28 am

    True

  39. Kris Vance

    May 4, 2017 at 2:19 am

    Only if I knew before

    • Tina Mash

      May 4, 2017 at 4:06 am

      there’s hope my dear,though it ll take hard work of prayer and sacrfice and first class faith,fully believing with no trace of doubt,pray earnestly and God will set things right.

    • Tina Mash

      May 4, 2017 at 4:07 am

      there’s hope my dear,though it ll take hard work of prayer and sacrfice and first class faith,fully believing with no trace of doubt,pray earnestly and God will set things right.

    • Kris Vance

      May 4, 2017 at 4:14 am

      I did Gave to God and prayed days, weeks, months, and years to be where I am today with many lessons and scars to prove it. Once I let go God BLESSED me and have a man whom I ‘ve supported and grew with. Amen.

  40. Arlene Corsino-Baez

    May 4, 2017 at 2:04 am

    I pray for wisdom and strength for all women to understand this

  41. Brandi Kelley Tyson

    May 4, 2017 at 1:54 am

    Wow! I divorced because of all these things.

    • Alicia Mckenzie

      May 4, 2017 at 3:46 am

      Me too it was written from experience – Bless you Sister There’s hope xoxoxo

  42. Lataisha Floyd

    May 4, 2017 at 1:33 am

    Please

  43. Jennifer Binnicker Lynn

    May 4, 2017 at 1:30 am

    eye opening

  44. Jana Phillips

    May 4, 2017 at 1:19 am

    Michele LaFargue Phillips this is a good read!!

  45. Shelly Lynne

    May 4, 2017 at 1:17 am

    Amen!

  46. Edgar-Kowana Banks

    May 4, 2017 at 1:10 am

    Absolutely!

  47. Son Ja Hernandez

    May 4, 2017 at 1:08 am

    nice read DO RE NE MaHazel Cabantac Zayas CupBearer Lucente Maderse

  48. Nadine Cornish

    May 4, 2017 at 12:59 am

    Marlon Burrell you are that person

  49. Chrystal Rose

    May 4, 2017 at 12:58 am

    Yup i intend to

  50. Iam Sanrio

    May 4, 2017 at 12:55 am

    YAni Lambus

  51. Terry Daley

    May 4, 2017 at 12:53 am

    Amen

  52. Bobbie Deal

    May 4, 2017 at 12:47 am

    Amen

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