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Married For All The Wrong Reasons


Sometimes we choose our “Mr. Right” without consulting with God and this can only lead to disaster and heartache. Before you get married, check your motives. Why do you want to get married? Is it for the right reasons?

I remember when my ex husband and I first started dating. I was convinced that he was a gift from God. He was so different from all the other men I had dated before him. He was a protector, a provider, and it was evident to everyone who saw us together that he loved him some me. We argued frequently because it was also evident that I didn’t love him as much as he loved me. I loved him, but I wasn’t in love with him.

There’s a big difference. I was in love with the idea of being a family. Our daughter deserved to have a family. Not just 2 divorced parents. I was in love with the idea of having a partner. Someone I could rely on when I needed him. For the first time in my life, I wasn’t alone. But I wasn’t in love with my husband.

Two years into our marriage, my husband and I were to the point we were sleeping in two separate rooms. We had agreed to basically live as roommates for the sake of our daughter. That lasted a few months and then one day he packed his bags and never returned.

I prayed night and day for God to return my husband home to me. I prayed that He would soften my husband’s heart towards me just enough for me to pour my heart out to him.  I was sure that if he saw me cry and saw just how sorry and torn up I was, he would forgive me and be home in no time. I begged and pleaded with God to give me a chance to make my marriage right. All I needed was one chance. I promised I would love my husband like I’ve never loved him before. All I needed was the chance to show both, him and God that I could be a loving wife.

But it didn’t happen. I began to become bitter and my mind had a million questions running through it that only God could answer.

“Why would God allow my husband to divorce me? I mean… I repented. I said I was sorry.”

“What happened to God being a forgiving God? “

I was forgiven, but God knew my motives. He knew my heart wasn’t in my marriage.  I was looking for someone to fill a void that only He could fill. He knew at that moment, I wasn’t capable of being anyone’s wife. This was not a union that was entered with God’s blessings to start with. As hard as it is to admit, I got married for all the wrong reasons. I was making a mockery of marriage. I took something that was supposed to be sacred and made it about my ego.

My story may not be your exact story, but before you say “I do” make sure you are not getting married for all the wrong reasons.

Don’t get married to escape loneliness. A spouse won’t cure loneliness. Your partner will never fulfill the deep longing in your heart that only God can fill. 

Don’t get married because you figure “I’m not getting any younger… might as well”  right?… WRONG!

Don’t get married because you feel pressured from family, a spiritual leader, or your mate.

Don’t get married out of desperation. Because you’re tired of waiting for the one God has for you. Don’t compromise Mr. Right for Mr. Right Now.

If you are getting married just to turn the pre-marital sex you are already having into marital sex then you are getting married for the wrong reasons.

Yes, I’m familiar with Paul’s admonition in 1 Corinthians 7:9 that it’s better to marry than “to burn with lust.” But you have take that verse a bit deeper. Paul is talking about the importance of self-control. If you don’t have it, you are in for trouble—especially within the context of marriage. 

Marriage won’t solve the problem of pre-marital sex because at the heart of the issue is self-control. Bringing lack of self-control into a marriage can lead to all sorts of trouble down the road. That’s not to say your marriage is doomed if you’ve had sex outside of marriage—it’s certainly not—just that there should be a lot of other strong reasons for marriage other than a desire to have (or continue to have) sex.