No one will argue with the notion that we are all different and wired differently. We all do not share the same experiences, come from the same country, share the same religion, are not taught the same way etc. I was at a wedding ceremony recently where the couple were asked to say what they loved or liked about each other. It was interesting to note that not one of the things each person mentioned was the same. Each of the couple expressed their love for something different about each other. This leaves me to believe that our differences are some of the things that draw us together.
Therefore I don’t think the issue for us is acknowledging that we are different but understanding that we are different for a purpose. Somewhere along the line, we seem to forget this. Usually, two people meet and fall in love and they welcome and embrace the fact that they are different and attest to the fact that those differences are the very things that brought them. But they forget this fact as soon as they get married.
Before my husband and I got married? I loved the fact that he was so playful and funny. He said he loved the fact that I was strong, from a stable background and very thoughtful. Fast forward 1-2 years later, here I am, granted with the opportunity of seeing what life feels like after exchanging our marriage vows. At this stage I can definitely confess to you that I had begun to see those things that I used to love as a nuisance: being very playful and fun had turned into being too laid back. For him too, he had begun to see my being very strong as being strong-headed, closer to defiant than anything positive.
So what happened along the line to us and to others who may be experiencing or have experienced the same thing? I think what happened is that we forgot or we generally forget that we are different, different for a reason and those differences allow us to complement each other. Being different does not mean we do not share anything at all in common.
Some people think that they are compatible with their spouse because of their similarity but interestingly the dictionary clarifies compatibility as being capable of existing or living together in harmony, being able to exist together with something or someone else. So really we don’t need to be similar to be compatible but merely need to posses the skills and virtue to live together in harmony.
I believe that God created us to be different for a good reason because it makes us all appreciate one another and reflects the multi-faceted nature and existence of our God. He also created us to be different so that we can complement, assist each other and fill a gap created by what others lack. Unfortunately we get married and think it is our role to mould the person into our own person. This then becomes a source of conflict and frustration.
God does not want us to be the same and actually loves us to be different so that we can fulfill the purpose He has for us as individuals and as couples. We therefore need to relinquish our need to re-create each other to an ideal that will never work or fight something God created for a reason but accept and choose to see the gift that our differences bring as well as opportunities.