Am I Letting God Down If I Go?

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My situation is very difficult. Ok please don’t judge me and no negative comments. I’ve been with my husband for 10 yrs almost. Problem is, when we got together it was when I was very young and did not know The Lord. Basically we had sex out of wedlock and out of that came a beautiful son now going to be 9yrs old. Well we married last year in court and I feel I did it rushed and feeling obligated. Truth is I care for my husband, but I doubt that I love him! I’ve told him this but every time I am ready to make a choice he sits there and says “life goes on, don’t worry about me, I’m not mad!!” I also decide to stay for my son because I feel the only time my husband can be a good father is when I am by his side. Other times when I’ve left him, he’s just drinking and not being there for my son the way he should. I’m feeling like maybe The Lord needs me to stay in the relationship to bring him to Him. I don’t know what to do. I feel like I am lying to myself if I stay and I feel like I’m letting God down if I go. I need prayer.

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