Celibacy

When “Love” Leads Us Right Into The Devil’s Trap

bad-first-date-park-bench

He was tall, handsome, and British. He had charm, intelligence, and a way of drawing me to him. Each new detail about him matched my image of the perfect man, especially because he was a Christian. 

I was mesmerized that he would want to be with a small town girl from Georgia, and it wasn’t long before we were inseparable. 

Two weeks into knowing each other, the passion was too overwhelming. We couldn’t keep our hands off each other, and sleeping together fully clothed seemed both ridiculous and impossible. 

That’s when he said it. He looked straight at me and said, “Technically, in God’s eyes, we are married. We just aren’t married in man’s eyes.” I just looked at him blankly, forgetting everything I knew as Truth. As if under a spell, I replied, “How do you figure?”

He said, “We are monogamous, aren’t we? Everyone knows we are together. Technically, we are each other’s.” I was hooked. We began having amazing sex which led to our marriage only four weeks later.

What’s so bad about that, one might ask? He ended up being a con man. He lied about being in the British military, about having a college degree (he never attended college), about having two black belts, about his salary, about the girl he was still living with in England, and so much more. He was broke and a terrible liar…a con man seeking a green card. I had been duped.

I didn’t find all of this out at once. Little things didn’t add up. I noticed lies here and there, had people tell me he was lying to them, and basically, sadly knew something wasn’t right. It was a year and a half into the marriage that I suddenly found myself in a horrible, nightmarish mess I had not planned. His daughter “outed” him to me. He was not the man I married.

What will some guys do for sex? Pretty much anything. This is one very intelligent thing to know as a Christian woman. 

Ladies, some men will slyly use the bible to get what they want. If they are charming enough, full of lust, and really convincing, you could find yourself delusionally going against God’s precepts.

Why would God not want me to have sex before marriage? The answer is very clear to me now.

I need time to get to know a potential mate. I need time to see if he is Godly, wants to love me like Christ loves the church, wants to encourage and uplift me…, or if he wants to trick me into sex.

I recently read this: “God would not send a woman a married man.” Well, God wouldn’t send me a man who would use the bible to trick me into having sex with him (which led to many other tricks). The enemy got me pretty good this time…but not for long.

In the end, I learned a very big lesson, one that has torn me apart at the seams. The lesson? Follow God’s precepts! They are created to help us navigate the rough and tricky waters of life, to keep us on straight paths, and to remind us who is and who isn’t His own. 

There were many other lessons, of course, such as recognizing the enemy’s tactics and knowing God will never leave or forsake me. Yet, I keep going back to the same thing. If I say I’m going to follow my Creator, then I have to back that up with my actions. 

Sex before marriage is a no-no for my own good. It can cloud one’s judgment with lust, in turn, presenting a much worse fate. 

Keep to the path, tattoo the Word on the heart, and pray for strength, courage, and conviction. Where we are weak, God is strong. Ask for help, and stay awake. The deceiver prowls around seeking to devour.

I hope this helps someone reading this right now.

You may be reading this and not even realize how this message will help you later on in life. But God knows.

Cheryl Hancock, Ph.D.

Cheryl Hancock, Ph.D.

Visit her at TheSpiritedPen.com
Cheryl Hancock, Ph.D., is a blogger, English professor, and critical thinker often challenging the ideas of those around her. As a Christ-centered woman, she seeks ways to help others better know Christ’s love.
Cheryl Hancock, Ph.D.

Latest posts by Cheryl Hancock, Ph.D. (see all)

107 Comments

107 Comments

  1. Dresses

    June 6, 2017 at 3:30 am

    cool stuff keep it up …

  2. Kim Rathbun

    June 4, 2017 at 3:16 am

    Brianna Rathbun Dawn Denise Konieczny

  3. Nwachukwu Ngozi Schola

    June 3, 2017 at 8:49 pm

    Yesoooh honest!

  4. Carolyn L Nance

    June 2, 2017 at 5:34 pm

    So true.

  5. Vivian Chabala

    June 2, 2017 at 9:54 am

    wow this is powerful,ladies pull up your socks and pray for the right man from God.there are coming in the name of christian….lord help us.

  6. Van Essa

    June 2, 2017 at 3:48 am

    Please help me Lord!!

  7. Gisel Martinez

    June 1, 2017 at 11:33 pm

    Guard your heart!!!! Put on the whole armor of God!!

  8. Jackie Kennedy Sena

    June 1, 2017 at 8:35 pm

    Bethany Sena

  9. Kristina Johnson

    June 1, 2017 at 8:29 pm

    Brandi Holland

  10. Christina Marie Cueto

    June 1, 2017 at 7:45 pm

    Call me cynical, but I think it’s a good idea to pay $20+ for a background check, especially if you haven’t known the person you’re dating for a long time. Even if the person is a childhood friend, that doesn’t mean they won’t trick you in some way or that they don’t have skeletons in the closet. I know someone who’s in a relationship right now who refuses to see she’s being conned & another who dated a childhood friend that turned out to be wanted for fraud & violent crimes in a couple of their neighboring states. In the old days, people didn’t arrive in a new place without letters of introduction from their friends with connections in the new town. We laugh at old fashioned ways, but sometimes the old ways are beneficial.

  11. Brianna Holmes

    June 1, 2017 at 7:28 pm

    My god this article is everything right now. I fell for the wrong man over 15 years ago.. We had stopped talking at one point but found each other again when I was 19. I had been in a terrible relationship prior so when we met I though for sure we would end up married. We were best friends as well as lovers. He told me everything I wanted to hear and he was always superman when it came to helping me and my family. After 10 years of being with him found out he was married to another woman. And he was a Christian as his whole family and wife are Christians . I was devastated but with prayer and support from friends I was able to let go and move on even though it was extremely hard to do.. But this article is spot on!! Love this.

    • Camille Svirinas

      June 2, 2017 at 10:29 am

      Woah! What a scumbag! I hope you told his wife.

    • Brianna Holmes

      June 2, 2017 at 11:45 am

      Camille svirinas yes she found out and was totally shocked!! That’s why it’s super hard for me to trust men because I thought well he’s a Cristian and he’s loyal so he would never do that. I was wrong.

  12. Faith A James

    June 1, 2017 at 7:19 pm

    My God right message at the right time for me

  13. Amanda Cloete

    June 1, 2017 at 6:19 pm

    Very powerful and every single person should read this.

  14. Ntombifuthi MaHlongwane Mantengu

    June 1, 2017 at 5:49 pm

    That is very true

  15. Ntshumeleni Maliga

    June 1, 2017 at 4:49 pm

    Tough. But Lord help us to recognise him when he has entered our teritorry

  16. Carol Morley

    June 1, 2017 at 2:38 pm

    Absolutely in agreement! I divorced my wolf in sheeps clothing and it was hell. Do not ignore red flags. Do not ignore Lords requirements for marriage. It’s to protect u from men like this. He will be a gentleman and will pursue u in fruits of the spirit. He will respect u and boundaries that u both should have for one another to protect your relationship and each other. He should be making God the center. Anything less isn’t worthy of the daughter of a King.

  17. Thulisa Patu

    June 1, 2017 at 1:40 pm

    True!

  18. TInashe 'Fizzy' Colin Makambaire

    June 1, 2017 at 11:58 am

    Gilda Tariroyashe

  19. Chonta Malambo

    June 1, 2017 at 11:51 am

    Chaka Tembo did I inspire this title? Lol

  20. Ishy Arellano

    June 1, 2017 at 11:47 am

    Wea de Jesus

  21. Kathy Morgan

    June 1, 2017 at 11:23 am

    Yessssss

  22. Terri Deaner

    June 1, 2017 at 11:01 am

    So true the devil is sneaky & a liar

  23. Barbara Stanley

    June 1, 2017 at 10:21 am

    Georgie-anne Stanley

  24. Rachelle Ann Fowler

    June 1, 2017 at 10:19 am

    Brooke Wheeler

  25. Patti Chambley

    June 1, 2017 at 9:45 am

    so right

  26. Mauriche Pedro

    June 1, 2017 at 9:16 am

    Amen so true

  27. Flortia Noko Mashala

    June 1, 2017 at 8:51 am

    Thank you for sharing, I’m so scared I don’t want to make that mistake again

  28. Eva Tal

    June 1, 2017 at 8:42 am

    That’s definitely true.

  29. Kara Vuki

    June 1, 2017 at 8:42 am

    Thankyou…love this.

  30. Dimp Cummings

    June 1, 2017 at 8:04 am

    Story of my life minus marriage. My ex came into my life pretending to be s man of God teaching me how to read the word and supply it to my every day life just blew my mind with his knowledge but I was blind for a long time and in due time I’ve learned that he was nothing but a lying, cheating, conniving,, manipulative individual. In the bible it speaks on charm and it mention how charm is deceit. Wow, I wish I would have read that before I got hurt but life is all about lessons. I know for sure that I will not make that same mistake. Before it ended completely he was dealing with another woman and I had spoken with her and she mentioned how she just knew he was a blessing to her and how she and her friends weren’t calling him by his name but they was calling him “Blessing” see always watch these kinds of people Satan is really slick always ask God to remove these people If they do not mean you well and he will. I’ve been practicing that for a year and he has definitely removed every single counterfeit out of my life.

  31. June Jane Gentiles Chua

    June 1, 2017 at 7:40 am

    Jommy Gentiles food for thought

  32. Leanne Marinus

    June 1, 2017 at 6:30 am

    Very good read Lee-Anne Rogers Nicolette Steenkamp Alley Kay

  33. Trina Owens

    June 1, 2017 at 6:27 am

    Real story!

  34. Sarah Pius

    June 1, 2017 at 6:26 am

    When you give in chance.

  35. Irene Mathias

    June 1, 2017 at 5:31 am

    Yes! This helps me. God bless you

  36. Terry Daley

    June 1, 2017 at 5:24 am

    God is in control thank you Jesus Amen

  37. Tine Tine

    June 1, 2017 at 5:20 am

    Truest. Devils trap indeed.

  38. Corissa Britten-Anderson

    June 1, 2017 at 5:05 am

    Destiny Reeves
    Kierra ThaRichone

  39. Jill Johnson

    June 1, 2017 at 4:31 am

    Ashley Johnson
    Tearsa Yazell❤️❤️

  40. Ebony Rose

    June 1, 2017 at 4:20 am

    That’s only her situation though; that doesn’t happen to everybody, not all guys are con artists. I mean she married him anyway and he turned out to be a con artist, how could she have known he was living a double life, no one, no matter how smart they are can pick up on a sociopath straight away, the sex didn’t make him like that, he was already like that and being in a long term relationship married or unmarried doesn’t change a person’s character and commitment to you, people can still walk out of a marriage.

    • Heidi Elizabeth

      June 1, 2017 at 6:32 am

      I know I saw warning signs and asked God to which He said, “This is the harder road” and I didnt it anyway. Unbelievably Bad idea. Glad Im alive and sane and made free. He is leading in the chirch now and his newest gf also does while hes convinced many Im the con artist with some secrets they just dont know. Amazing how skilled this craft can become. All I know is I have to focus on what God wants me to do now not the injustice or anything else. Let Him clean up the wreckage slowly and learn to listen to Him. Painful lessons but the signs of trouble were there even if the cover ups and deflecting. I pray this latest woman figures it out before becoming tormented wife #3. She even has the same name as his other affair. Signs are everywhere we need to ask for discernment and wisdom.

  41. Selwyn Green

    June 1, 2017 at 4:18 am

    Arrrggghhhhh!!!!

  42. Monene Thabitha Mariba

    June 1, 2017 at 4:06 am

    Thank you. He is a good shepherd

  43. Qiniso Moyo

    June 1, 2017 at 3:59 am

    True

  44. Mandy Van Reenen

    June 1, 2017 at 3:57 am

    Thank you Jesus….for this revelation.

  45. Cherie Denise

    June 1, 2017 at 3:35 am

    Tracey Topknotch Kiser wow

    • Tracey Topknotch Kiser

      June 1, 2017 at 3:38 am

      Wow, is right! Thanks sis. God knows exactly what he is doing so I will continue to be still even if it hurts temporarily.

  46. Mlalazi Lindiwe Lizzie

    June 1, 2017 at 3:27 am

    In sheep clothing……….

  47. April Hamlin

    June 1, 2017 at 3:26 am

    Megan Alexander

  48. Michelle Lynn

    June 1, 2017 at 3:20 am

    Love this. Thank you

  49. Denesha Hansen

    June 1, 2017 at 3:19 am

    Donica Douglas this a good read! Very deep testimony!! Tag as many young girls and women to read it..

  50. Rena James Esco

    June 1, 2017 at 3:19 am

    Amen

  51. Denesha Hansen

    June 1, 2017 at 3:17 am

    Thank you for your transparency!!! I am def going to share this article on my page and in my group

  52. Clarice Gutmann

    May 31, 2017 at 8:15 pm

    Mine even lied about being in the British military has to be him has to be. Jedi2440@gmail.com

  53. Clarice Gutmann

    May 31, 2017 at 8:12 pm

    Was his name Philip richard Gutmann age 39 from Hexhamee England UK. Same thing happed to me exsactly except i made him marry me befor having sex we had 4 kids 2 girls 2 boys. We was married 10 years and i finally got sick of the lies and treatment so i divorced him 8 years ago. But he said all the same exsact things about college black belts ext.exsactly its got to be him… And that whole in Gods eyes qoute omg and sadly he knows the bible better than most pastors and knows how to use it against you and in his favor make you feel like you cant live without his help because he has a gift of prophecy. If this is him we need to talk.

  54. Deborah Rouse Brandon

    June 1, 2017 at 3:11 am

    Man, don’t I know this first hand.

  55. Julianna Doyle

    June 1, 2017 at 3:10 am

    These devil men are like octopuses

  56. Jamie Marcus Mccurley

    June 1, 2017 at 3:08 am

    Brianna McCurley. And any other issue. Satan makes it all look good. Thats why we search to hear a word from Him before making the next step would it’s the word from the right voice

  57. Son Ja Hernandez

    June 1, 2017 at 3:07 am

    CupBearer good read-feels like reading my own story

  58. Shalom Peace

    June 1, 2017 at 3:05 am

    A man outsmart himself using Gods words to support his motives n ideas.I have experienced that from my husband.When the devil attacks a man like my husband who by the way knows the bible stories since young, used his bible knowledge to persuade me to accept polygamy.Quoting King Soloman and his many wives.I knew it wasn’t right and usind God’s words was unexpected from him.He can outsmart himself n but never try to outsmart God.

    • Lourie Van Blarcom

      June 1, 2017 at 3:25 am

      I have seen a lot of people advocating polygamy on fb lately. People have different interpretations of the bible, but that’s why God said we will worship in spirit and truth. The spirit testifies to what is true for it is the spirit of truth. Stay strong!

  59. Kerri Lang Heinemann

    June 1, 2017 at 3:03 am

    Thank you! I desperately needed to read this today. You are completely right. I’ve been questioning my situation- is it God finally answering my prayers, or is it the devil having some fun with me…. Unfortunately, it was the devil. I need to get back to The Word and who I am as a Christian so I don’t keep falling for the devil’s trickery. With God’s help, I’ve got this!!

  60. Nay JG

    June 1, 2017 at 2:24 am

    Yeah and keep watching trash shows like Scandal and other silly things that are ungodly, you will be led astray

  61. Frances Jones

    June 1, 2017 at 2:13 am

    In sheep clothing for sure.

  62. Barbara Cox

    June 1, 2017 at 1:51 am

    Hillary Brinston

  63. Andrea Mimi Densley-Babin

    June 1, 2017 at 1:36 am

    True story!!

  64. Ghyno G. Kellman

    June 1, 2017 at 1:33 am

    ABSOLUTELY!!!!!!!
    Everything that appears to be good is not always sent from GOD.

  65. Crystal A Nelson

    June 1, 2017 at 1:22 am

    Devil comes all shapes and sizes they inside the actually or spirits that you don’t even know but like I say they all different

  66. Lourie Van Blarcom

    June 1, 2017 at 1:19 am

    I fell for someone and thought I heard a couple times in prayer he wasn’t for me. I never felt chemistry like I have with this person. Anyway, I continued to pray that God’s will be done. Since I wasn’t wanting to believe what I heard because it was totally against the way I felt about him, I prayed that God would close the door for me if he wasn’t right because I felt like I wasn’t able to do it. He started seeming flaky about a month ago and then broke up with me a few days ago after accusing me of off the wall things that seemed to come out of nowhere. The way it all went down proved to me that his heart wasn’t where his mouth was. I also had a bunch of graduation balloons stuck in a bush in my yard that day so I let it be. I figured it was God doing for me what I wouldn’t have done for myself because I am in love. Prayer protects us because God is our shepherd.

    • Lourie Van Blarcom

      June 1, 2017 at 1:30 am

      I have been waiting for marriage for the past few years so I have been blessed to have a more level head in this process. God’s precepts are to protect us and bless us.

    • Kerri Lang Heinemann

      June 1, 2017 at 3:06 am

      I can totally relate to what you are saying. I, too, prayed to God for help and he gave me the closure I wanted. I wish it wouldn’t have been so devastating, but that’s what I needed.

    • Zuri Harris

      June 1, 2017 at 4:06 am

      Praying whole heartily for the same thing. I want every single door that doesn’t lead me to what God has for me SHUT good and tight!

  67. Brandy Prejean-Bennick

    June 1, 2017 at 1:13 am

    Lindsey Glover

  68. Nicole Cato

    June 1, 2017 at 1:06 am

    These men are sociopaths, psychopaths, and narcissists.

  69. Gloria Woruk

    June 1, 2017 at 1:06 am

    Resist it in prayer and God’s word it will flee from us.

  70. Christina Valentine

    June 1, 2017 at 1:01 am

    Genesis Veal read this

  71. Christina Valentine

    June 1, 2017 at 1:00 am

    Gabriella Branham read this

  72. Krista Renee Jordan

    June 1, 2017 at 12:57 am

    Very true!! Totally makes me think of “Somebody’s Knockin'” by Terry Gibbs: “Somebody’s knocking, should I let him in?//Lord it’s the devil, would you look at him?//I’ve heard about him but I never dreamed//He’d have blue eyes and blue jeans.”

  73. Sueling Latham

    June 1, 2017 at 12:55 am

    This couldn’t be more true!

  74. Elizabeth Le

    June 1, 2017 at 12:51 am

    Yes Lord. Ladies and Gentlemen the threat is real! I checked mine out, crossed “t’s” and dotted “i’s” and 2 months into my marriage he turned out to be an alcoholic and an abuser. Now I’m getting divorced with a baby on the way. Please please heed the words of the people that went through this. Ask God first and truly listen for HIS guidance. If you are confused about what this person is saying and it “sounds okay” run! Do not pass go and do not collect $200. Had I done that I wouldn’t be divorcing the son of Satan right now.

  75. Ifeanyi Omeni

    June 1, 2017 at 12:43 am

    The DEVIL wears PRADA!

  76. McKenzie Raquel

    June 1, 2017 at 12:35 am

    Yup, I’m divorcing mines. I didn’t listen God, I listen to fear. God showed me my husband, but noooo, I ran into the devils plan. ‍♀️ Lesson learned.

  77. Selena L'Estrange

    June 1, 2017 at 12:32 am

    This is exactly why God did NOT allow me to marry any of my ex partners…it’s funny I wasn’t really walking closely to back then yet I listened to him…

  78. Myriam Mantilla

    June 1, 2017 at 12:32 am

    Mauricio Mantilla Carla E. Mantilla

  79. Kamogelo Alecia Gabantese

    June 1, 2017 at 12:29 am

    Amen. In as much as we believe in miracles, every child of God must understand that NOT EVERY OPEN DOOR IS AN OPPORTUNITY 4RM GOD. Thats why we must always seek His confimation 1st b4 we get carried away… Because satan can bring the very thn he knws u want and manipulate u, dat will be ur downfall. It cud be a job, husband, wife, friends, business deal… Whenever u ask 4 a blessing 4rm God also pray dat He gives u the divine wisdom 2 recognise if its 4rm Him. He’ll give u signs and guide u.

  80. Annie Pierce

    June 1, 2017 at 12:27 am

    Amen

  81. Kam McKenzie

    June 1, 2017 at 12:27 am

    Lakeysha Michelle read this and give me your insight

  82. Bianca Windsor

    June 1, 2017 at 12:26 am

    Alexis Bourne

  83. Paula Crocker

    June 1, 2017 at 12:15 am

    Happened to me. So many signs my fear did not let me acknowledge.

  84. Edie Grimstead

    June 1, 2017 at 12:15 am

    That’s so true!!

  85. Mari Swain

    June 1, 2017 at 12:13 am

    Sadly so true

  86. Leila Haddadi

    June 1, 2017 at 12:12 am

    So true divorcing that Devil now…

  87. Schaun Wagner

    June 1, 2017 at 12:12 am

    Everything… Absolutely everything…

  88. Nicolle Valles

    June 1, 2017 at 12:10 am

    Pamela Geren..oh my!

  89. Myla Gotis

    June 1, 2017 at 12:09 am

    I just had mine last year. Thankful that God saved me from that guy.

  90. Kimberly Marie Huneycutt

    June 1, 2017 at 12:03 am

    So true

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