By the time we have graduated to a more mature dimension in our faith, the nagging question in our minds shifts from “will God actually work this one out for me?” to “what does God want me to do as He works this out for me?” As we see more of God’s impeccable track record, it does become easier to trust His ultimate plan for our lives and circumstances.
But in waiting for God’s plan to unfold, it can become quite easy to become impatient, uncomfortable, and anxious. Though we are called to live by faith and not by sight, sometimes we want to live by faith and sight.
But our faith is just not designed to work that way. Most of our spirit trusts that God is doing something on our behalf.
But a deep part of us, the human part of us, wants to see exactly what He’s doing, how He’s doing it, and when His plan will be completed.
My beloved grandmother just turned 83 years of age. It is my honor to care for her in the capacity which I have been called to. On any given day, between juggling my own life’s demands, my busy career, my whirlwind thoughts, my own insecurities, and my real responsibilities, I am taking care of her matters.
I carve out moments in my work day and night often times making calls to her senior agencies, doctors offices, refilling prescriptions, filling out forms, situating things with her home health aide, holding for long wait times for her insurance companies, managing her finances, paying her cable bills and making sure her emotional needs are met.
My grandmother is always on my mind because I care for her that deeply. I am often working on her behalf in some form or fashion, many times, unbeknownst to her. Things get done for her. And because I love her, I don’t feel the need to ever express to her the great lengths I go through to actually get those things done for her. I just want her to rest as I work.
Well, recently in the midst of a hectic work day for me, my grandmother called me at my job. I had been back and forth between some unhelpful hotlines trying to resolve an important matter for her. I was overwhelmed and I was already running on Empty. My grandmother very intensely persisted to give me a rundown of all the people I needed to call, to resolve that matter. Little did she know, I had already spent hours trying to maneuver through getting this matter resolved for her.
As she gave me her laundry list of all that I needed to tend to, I found myself getting more and more frustrated, annoyed, and irritated at her. In my mind, I was screaming “if you would just be still, you would know I already handled that!”
I couldn’t get too upset though, because I felt God tugging at me saying, “Sophia, you do that to me all the time.”
How many times have we earnestly prayed to God, giving Him a laundry list of all the matters that we need and want Him to tend to, only to not realize that He is already in the process of resolving those very issues? How many times do we fail to be still and just know that He is God? How many times do we allow the discomfort of our situation dismiss the fact that He is already orchestrating the solution? How many times do we call on God with our hands out to ask of Him, instead of having our hands up to thank Him?
We all get in those binds in life that are so severe, crucial, and time sensitive that we can’t help but remind God of our very pressing needs—I know because I am in one of those binds myself. But God needs no reminder. It is in those times where we feel uncertain, uncomfortable, and anxious, especially, that we need to be still and rest and be confident in the God that we serve. And when we begin to lose faith, let’s vow to lift up this prayer to Him:
Dear Heavenly Father,
I come to you humbly with thanks. Though there are so many moving parts in my life, I’m glad to know that You are a constant fixture in my life. Though I cannot see Your Hand, I’m grateful to know that Your hand is working to meet me at every one of my needs. Show me what You want me to do and who You want me to be as I wait patiently on You. Help my unbelief. I trust in You. I love you. In Jesus’ name we pray.