Just before my senior year of college, I became engaged to a young man that I knew. I knew God did not want me to marry him. The signs were there that the relationship wasn’t right. It wasn’t Godly, but I pursued it anyway because it was what I wanted. We were only engaged for a month. I ended the engagement and finally made a decision to put God’s desires above my own.
Was this the right thing to do? Yes. But were there consequences? Yes. Because I had been selfishly in this relationship far past it’s expiration date, by the time I finally surrendered it and my life to God, my world was turned upside down.
Suddenly, I had to say no to a much desired, but truly harmful plan of marriage and let me tell you… I couldn’t handle it.
Slowly I began to fall into a dark place that left me suicidal and unable to be alone. I went home and stayed for a week in my bed until God put a new heart and attitude inside my empty shell.
It was the scariest time of my life and at the time, I had no idea why it was happening to me. I had done the right thing, yet I was sinking. Looking back, I realize how deep my selfishness was, but I believe the greater the sin, the greater the redemption.
Before God was able to restore me to a person who lives by the spirit instead of the flesh, satan was there trying his hardest to get his hands on me, tempting me to end it all. Isn’t that like him, the devouring lion, to try to trick us in anyway possible before our biggest breakthrough?
A very familiar Bible verse is: “Trust in the Lord with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding” (Proverbs 3:5).
But how many of us have the confidence to do this? I was the queen of leaning on my own understanding, but that course of action either equates to selfishness, pride or both.
Although I still have a long way to go, I’m much better at saying… “God, to my understanding this way is best, but because you disagree, I will happily follow your guidance and allow you to prove me wrong.”
If you can confidently have this attitude and master it, I’m certain selfishness will never be a major sin in your life, and you will never reap the consequences I once did.
Although I’m still single, I do not for a second believe my selfishness and marrying an unchosen man would have given me the kind of marriage I still desire to this day.
If you truly want your marriage to be God centered, that means marrying the man God has picked for you.
However, this is just one example of how our selfishness can virtually destroy our real and spiritual lives. If you see this type of sin in another area, seek God’s deliverance of it immediately.