Christian Singles

The Pursuit of a Husband

pursuit of a husband

In this day and age, we see and hear about some people (mainly on the news) struggling with gender identity. People trying to divide themselves from what God has decreed their true gender and role to be.

I thought I could never relate to that struggle. I’m a natural born woman, and proud to be!

But in the last year, I’ve realized that I too have been facing a struggle with one supposed “limitation” of my womanliness. And that limitation is to be submissive, and not pursue a man.

What about the strong willed women who knows what they want in a man, yet God asks us to take a seat and wait for it to come?

Honestly, I really don’t like that part of being a woman. I would much prefer to share the freedom men have of pursuing a spouse once they are ready. But God wants the woman to wait, as it is subtly implied in Genesis 2:24:

“Therefore a man shall leave his father and his mother and hold fast to his wife, and they shall become one flesh.”

The man seeks out his wife and starts a family with her, not the other way around! If this is the way it is meant to be, then why do some women struggle so much? Why do we feel we must make the first move or do everything we can to help a particular guy even notice us?

For me, I think it stems from growing up in a single parent home. For years, I watched my mother be the leader and provider, not my father. It’s also embraced in society today for a woman to provide for herself, and in the eyes of feminists, not need a man at all.

Although I’ve been a Christian for about a decade, it’s only become apparent to me now that I too suffer from a gender role crisis because of these things. I feel I’ve also been suffering from part of Genesis 3:16:
“…Your desire will be for your husband, and he will rule over you.”

I’m not married, but boy do I desire the man meant to be mine one day. Sometimes I even get impatient.

However, now that I realize this struggle, I feel encouraged by the progress I’ve made in reversing the “go-and-get-it” mentality I’ve been having toward men.

And, let’s face it–although we as women have unique strengths that make us fearfully and wonderfully made, emotions are rarely part of them.

If a man pursues a woman and is rejected by her, he might be bummed out and maybe try again at a different time.

But if a woman becomes emotionally attached to a man and pursues him only to be rejected, odds are painful tears will be shed. Our reaction is much more intense and serious to us internally, which is just one of the reasons I believe God would rather us be patient and wait than have frequent, even if small, heartbreaks.

I say this because I’ve experienced it personally, and I’ve cried enough tears at this point to give up a pursuit that was never meant to be mine.

If you are struggling with being patient, I encourage you to consider the cost of taking on a burden that isn’t yours.

It’s going to be heavy, painful, and inevitably a fail–so stop! I’ll be the first to admit that being patient for what we want is rarely fun, but in the long run, it allows our men to be men and treat us the way our heart truly desires.

We are fearfully, wonderfully and beautifully made as women–and we need to not let the world, faulty role models or our desires lead us astray and outside our role.

If anything, hear this: You are a wonderful treasure that will not go unnoticed. When your husband has undergone his special time of preparation, he will come to you!

Erika DeWitt

Erika DeWitt

I am a young woman living for Christ every day. Favorite things include: watching movies, teaching children, designing websites and spending time with great people.
Erika DeWitt

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