Divorce studies show that the divorce rate has risen 40% since 1980. Out of 70% of those divorces, most people have divorce their spouses for issues that existed before they were even married.
You might be wondering, “why would you get married to someone if the issues were there in the first place? Why not wait until both individuals are ready?”
Well the answer is pretty simple. Most people marry potential instead of reality. They want to believe that it “can” get better… and it can, but will it?
There is no single sign that an engagement is destined to become an unhappy marriage. Only the couple can determine whether a relationship is salvageable.
Before you end an engagement, talk to your significant other about your concerns and consider premarital counseling. These discussions can help you make a more informed decision on whether to enter into holy matrimony or go your separate ways .
Abusive Dynamics
If your partner has ever abused you (whether it be physically, verbally, or emotionally), this may be a sign that you should end your engagement.
Even if your partner has never physically injured you, controlling or aggressive behaviors may be a precursor to domestic violence. Rehabilitating abusers can be difficult, so ending relationships with such persons may be the best way to protect your safety and well-being.
Mismatched Values
Although the saying “opposites attract” may hold true for some couples, if you do not share similar values, such as your Faith/ Religious beliefs, it may be worth giving your engagement a second look.
While minor differences, such as political views, can make your relationship more interesting, if you cannot depend on him to be the spiritual leader in your household, or see yourself being able to submit to him, this may be a sign to reconsider the impending nuptials.
Different Goals
If you find yourself feeling at odds with your future spouse’s dreams (or lack thereof) – this may not bode well for your upcoming marriage.
Unhealthy personal patterns, such as laziness, may be a sign that you have picked the wrong person, according to LuAnn Duncan and Victor W. Harris, authors of “Are You Marrying the Right Person? Healthy Signs and Red Flags.”
Lack of Love
Although you may enjoy time with your partner and care about him deeply, this does not necessarily mean that you love him like a potential spouse.
If you find that yourself or your mate are keeping your options open, cheating, or sneaking around, this may be a sign that you need to reassess your engagement. In such cases, the love you feel may be more of the friendly variety than the type that lends itself to a healthy marriage.
Unready for Marriage
Marriage is designed to be a lifelong commitment and many people may not yet be prepared to be with one person for the rest of their lives.
If you are unsure about what you want from life or have financial or emotional issues that make it difficult for you to maintain stability, this may be a sign that you are not ready for marriage. In such cases, ending an engagement may save both you and your partner heartache.
