When we are single, we often allow fear to dominate our lives. Singleness can be especially hard for Christians.
Often, in the church, marriage is esteemed as the preferred, better, more desirable relationship status.
Illustrations about marriage are woven into countless sermons, many pastors reference their wives from the pulpit, and many small groups focus on married couples or families, leaving singles feeling excluded and lonely.
It’s easy to end up in a place where our default state is that of being in a relationship.
Being single becomes merely the gap between partners, a combination of waiting and seeking. You can’t relax because you’re uncomfortable when you’re not with someone.
It may even feel like you’ve fallen off a boat and you’re sinking underwater. You can’t fully enjoy the benefits of being single because always, in the back of your mind, you’re nagging some sense of inferiority, this irrational dread that you’ll somehow be alone forever, and if you’re alone forever, that would seem unbearable.
But being single has many benefits that can only be visited when you let go of your fear.
Here are five ways single Christians can enjoy their singleness…
1. Seek Advice Regularly
Seek Biblical counsel and wisdom from other married Christians. Don’t be afraid to ask the hard questions.
Give them permission to speak into your life to help you grow as a single Christian and potentially as a married one.
Ask others to keep you accountable and to point out blinds spots. Be coachable. Ask for wisdom from fellow wise Christians to help you thrive during singleness and help prepare you for marriage.
Also, as Christians, we tend to be awkward when it comes to dating advice. If you find someone who loves Jesus and the church, and you are attracted to them and they are attracted to you – and you’ve prayed about it, then what are you waiting for?
2. Practice Self-Discipline
People who are afraid of being single are more likely to prioritize being in a relationship over their morals and relationship with God.
Those who fear being single are less likely to end a relationship with someone who is not good for them and are more likely to get into ungodly relationships just for the sake of being in a relationship.
Could it be that people who are afraid of being single find themselves in lower-quality relationships because of their lower standards – because for them, any relationship is better than none at all?
Instead of remaining the victim of your own fear of being single, take control.
Tell yourself that you will actively remain single for a set amount of time: 3 months, 6 months, even a year. By doing this, you will let go of the fear of being alone that ultimately skews your priorities.
3. Increase Your Confidence
There is an inner voice that is constantly analyzing everything about your life. We engage in positive and negative self-talks that have an impact on our feelings.
When your inner voice starts saying discouraging things such as, “Nobody wants me”, “I’m too old”, “I’m ugly”… your insecurity increases and you start believing you are worthless.
Be gentle with yourself. Increase your value by having confidence in yourself. Confidence is attractive because if you believe you are valuable, so will others. Start increasing your confidence and self-esteem.
If you come across as a person who is confident and love yourself, you will be in a place of peace with yourself. Try new things, experiment and discover how much fun you can have with yourself.
4. Set Boundaries
It’s extremely hard to find happiness with another if you constantly have a need to be loved by someone. Find yourself before attempting to find true love.
Many of us are incomplete without the self-knowledge required to define our own boundaries, likes and dislikes.
They’ll probably be times when you will think about settling. Believe me… I get it. I understand. Settling is the safe bet; whereas holding out is a gamble.
For every story you hear about someone who was too picky and ended up being alone and miserable, there is another story about someone who didn’t settle and ultimately found someone amazing who made the wait more worth it.
5. Take Time to Heal
You may have had a bad experience (or experiences) with someone that has tainted your view of love.
The truth is there are many good men and women out there waiting for true love.
However, if you hold these feelings of the opposite sex, your fear of staying single will increase since you are constantly telling yourself that there is no good person left.
There is tremendous pressure today to be in relationships. No matter how successful you are, you are forced to believe that you can’t be happy if you don’t have someone in your life.
This makes being single feel like a failure. But the truth is that you are far from being a failure. If you want, you could be in a relationship today but you want to wait or maybe you have taken time to heal yourself from a previous relationship. Don’t let fears from past experiences sabotage you.
Many of us wonder if we’ll be single forever. Some of us even agonize over whether perpetual singleness is God’s Will for our lives.
Enjoy your time as a single person and let go of any fear that’s keeping you from total happiness.
Remember you are in this season for a reason. You’re not waiting on accident. Your singleness is not God’s way of punishing you; it’s His way of preparing you.