Many singles dread Valentine’s Day. While guys and girls have their own specific set of challenges that stem from this holiday; the single woman’s struggle is unique for many reasons. Many women have been taught to hold Valentine’s Day in high regard and often feel like they’re lacking in the relationship area of their life if they are single on Valentine’s Day or any other day of the year.
Living in Los Angeles I have the privilege of being friends with women from diverse ethnic groups; and one thing they all have in common is that they’re all looking for love. While longing to be in a loving relationship if perfectly normal and healthy; if you feel like less of a person because you’re single that’s a problem.
Society teaches us that we’re not complete if we’re not in a romantic relationship. As a result a lot people feel like they don’t measure up.
The bible states that we are complete in Christ. (Colossians 2:10) As followers of Christ we’re called to believe that.
You may not feel complete, in fact you may feel very broken and alone, but we are never too broken for Jesus.
I’ll be the first to admit I used to live doubting this simple fact and it can still be a struggle to believe sometimes. In the past I’d rack my brain around being single. I couldn’t understand why everyone else was getting married and having babies and I was looking on from the sidelines.
As I matured in my walk with God I learned that as followers of Christ we are to see ourselves as whole, not broken, complete in His eyes, lacking no good thing. As a result of this new perspective I’ve gained more joy and started making wiser dating choices.
Though Valentines Day can be a painful reminder of the fact that you’re single, it doesn’t have to be. Instead of being depressed about being single another Valentine’s Day here are some things to focus on instead.
Celebrate the love you do have in your life
From family and friends to church community and co-workers; most people have someone in their life that loves and cares about them. While you might not have all the relationships you want in life including a romantic one, I’m sure you have some good ones. Think about the poor orphan refugee on the other side of the world. Lonely and all alone. Don’t you think they’d be happy to know they had just one person that loved them? And how many people do you have that love you? After you’ve counted all of them (if you can) I hope you see how blessed you are.
Celebrate someone else
Valentine’s Day is not a day that typically issues a call for volunteers to help the less fortunate like Christmas and Thanksgiving, but it doesn’t have to be a special holiday to do something nice for someone else. Think of creative ways to celebrate the people you love or even strangers and let them know they are appreciated.
Last Valentine’s Day, I started a new tradition. I decided to honor all the single women in my life by letting them know they are loved by God. I bought small gifts and tokens of affection and gave them to the ladies at my church and job. You can do something like that too or something else.
Celebrate love for yourself
Do you love yourself? Do you like yourself? No, really pause and think about it for a minute, because a lot of people don’t. They are looking for other people or activities to fill up the void that only God can fill. They think “If I could just get somebody to commit to me then I’ll be complete” or “If I could just get him to love me enough then I’ll be OK”. Well contrary to what you may think if you don’t love or like yourself now, you won’t when Mr. Right comes along.
So how do you celebrate love for yourself? I know John 3:16 can sound kinda generic, that God so loved the world and you just happen to be down here, at least it did to me when I felt lonely and alone. I don’t think there’s a one-size-fits-all answer, as we’re all unique. Ask God to show you how.
Realize God is your Valentine
Sometimes I think the good things about God can sound the cheesiest. Maybe because in this fallen world the concept of getting something for nothing is virtually nonexistent. No man, no matter how fine, how much money he has or how much he loves God, is capable of saving you. Jesus is the only one that saves. And He loves you way more than any man ever can. He created the whole universe and he wants a personal intimate relationship with you.
I’m sure you have a lot to be thankful for this Valentine’s Day. Try focusing on that. Don’t ever let society, the media, marketers or anyone else make you feel bad about being single; on Valentine’s Day or any other day.
