A Prayer For Broken or Strained RelationshipsI’ve been extremely reflective in regards to some recent relationships that have gone awry.

I have been unconstructively ruminating over offensive situations, to the point where I  have had consecutive nights of vivid dreams about loved ones who I no longer share a healthy relationship with.

My sub-conscious has been speaking to me.

I’ve wondered, “why can’t I just get this person out of my head?” I’ve searched my heart to check if there was some residue of unforgiveness still left in me for these people. And I can truly say there is not.

So I continue to pray for my loved ones who I need to love from a distance. But I can truly say there has been an unsettling feeling that I’ve gotten because of that. And it dawned on me today why I have felt unsettled.

I realized that I have felt unsettled, not because I was harboring unforgiveness or because God was prompting me to reconcile, but simply because I have been rejected. Rejected by people who I have loved well, who I have prayed fervently for, who I have honored with my love. It is one thing to be rejected by an outsider, or a job; it is another thing to be rejected by family or people who vowed to love you as such.

God spoke to me about this rejection while I was doing a simple, mundane task– as He so often does. I was pruning my house plants. I went to get my scissors to chop off the dead parts of my plants. As I was pruning one particularly, large plant, the dead parts began to simply fall away at my touch. I did not even need my scissors. And God said to me, “only things that are dead can fall away so easily.”

That gave me tremendous peace. I realized that it wasn’t so much that I was mourning healthy ties that I desired to keep. I knew these relationships were fragile, unhealthy, and one-sided.

I was more so offended that people opted to fall away from me. God reminded me that relationships that are ordained by Him, that are healthy, and conducive to my Spiritual Walk, will not so easily wither and fall away.

If you are having trouble maneuvering through hurt feelings, I encourage you to lift up this prayer that is helping me:

Dear Heavenly Father,

Thank You for Your love. Thank You for teaching me how to love.

I thank You for all the good, healthy, loving people you have placed in my circle–both birth family, and chosen family.

Lord, help me pray for those who have not loved me well. Give me Your Peace, as I learn who I need to love at a distance to safeguard my heart and my well-being.

Help me get passed the offense and help me to love in spite of.

Give me the grace to forgive. The wisdom to know when to reconcile. And the willingness to find closure in the absence of an apology.

Thank You for reminding me that every person who does not love me well, only gives me a greater capacity to love others better.

In Jesus’ name, I pray. Amen.

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Sophia Vilceus
Sophia is the author of “Late Conversations with my Late Mother” and “The Last Pew: Journeying Back to God’s Will After an Affair.” She currently serves as an English Professor at West Chester University of Pennsylvania.

334 COMMENTS

  1. I am tired. I have loved from a distance and he left me for a foreign lady. How did you want me to love again from a distance? I gave trial to the one close to me, but it is not what i expect to see. Right now, i just want to stay away from men in order to ignore the silly and senseless preaching of some worthless men.

  2. Well said. Know it well. The issue I still wrangle with, it seems, is when its God ordained but became unhealthy due to the other backsliding and became nonconducive to my spiritual health

  3. Yes I agree strongly! It’s very hurtful and painful when you loved family and division has changed how you feel. Only God can restore the relationship, however the best thing is keep some distance. The relationship will never be the same.

  4. I have had my relationship with my 17 and 22 year old granddaughters broken due to disrespect. I refuse to be disrespected in my own house, so all I can do is pray for them and love them from afar

  5. Thanks that was good & helpful too! I’ve been re potting plants & this morning just trimmed the dead ends off my hair; and was reminded that it’s time & ok to remove the dead things..they have served its purpose & can stop me from growing because it’s blocking nourishment that I actually need!Both relationships , hair& plants time for new growth

  6. So I have a question. I loved someone and they loved me, but they betrayed and rejected me. We have made peace and we keep each other at a distance, but I still love this person and they are kind to me, sweet even, but they hurt me and … should I give up on them? Just fall away and walk into the mist where they can not find me, even if that person doesn’t look for me now? I pray for her, pray my desire, but leave it up to God’s will, and continue my days even though I still long for her deep down inside … but I also long for peace and wholeness. I don’t want to give up because something says if I do, there is no hope for this person ever as the blessings I have prayed for could be taken away from them and disaster may come that my heart will weep. Yet, my heart is hurting and it wants to get away from this person out of struggling for so long. Please help with advice and prayer. Amen and praise Yeshua.

  7. Rous Guillén please click the link. It’s a nice prayer and maybe helpful for you. Maybe for me. It’s a model prayer and you can always expand on it, but do read it. Please

  8. I got so insired by the prayer provided for those of us hurting as a result of our loved ones. I have even started using the model prayer provided and feel a whole lot more at peace. Thank you so much for the work you are doing in our lives.

  9. Wow this is so similar to a post I put up on Saturday. That’s amazing. The funny thing though I didn’t put anything up about rejection. But God has shown me on Friday that I’m dealing with rejection.

  10. OMG. This brought me to some tears. My divorce and inability for the pain to pass has everything to do with his rejection. I am so aware of the fact that it was a VERY bad situation and that I am mourning what I wished for but never existed. But even with that fact, I saw him easily pursue the legal end of our union and push me away for someone else like our two decades meant absolutely nothing. I will pray this prayer as fervently as possible. Thank you for posting this.

  11. I’m going through this with my 21 yr old daughter. I’ve done all I know to do to help the situation but it hasn’t helped. I finally gave it to God because I couldn’t handle it anymore. She makes no effort to see me or call me or even text me unless she wants something. She has said some of the most hurtful and hateful and disrespectful to me. I have forgiven her but I can’t forget it. If she truly meant the awful things that she said to me, I don’t know if I want a relationship with her.

    • If u are a Catholic, go to Jesus in d blessed sacrament pray ur rosary committing same intension tru our blessed mother,Mary u must get a quick answer & above all try to live a life of Christ

    • Its unbelievable the hurt an adult daughter can put upon a mom…i love mine more than anything…carried her..her husband..took them in during pregnancy and paid for everything…she allowed this young punk to abuse me..use me..threaten me…it was so horrible…then she realized this guy was evil and left him…i tried to tell her what i saw…but thank God this evil young man didnt want anything to do with this Blessed Beautiful baby boy…he left after several months…she and her son stayed for 3 years…she has since moved out and has a new man..and 2 nd child…she has allowed him to speak terribly abusive to me…thru- out all of it i never ever stopped praying for a good relationship for us…the safety and well- being of her children and for her to find a loving supportive Christian Husband…. She was my youngest born child….i also adopted one of my granddaughters when she was still one…she is now 13 years old…but one night i heard her phone beep and checked it…it was a group site created by my adult daughter with 2 children…and my adopted daughters biological mom….i almost had a heart attack…i wont go into details but it was them talking about there extreme hatred for me and the bio moms desire to kill me for having taken her kid…that she let go and never fought for…the evilness of what i read…esp the hatred of my own almost killed me…not so much that i may never see her again but my 4 year old grandson and me…have a loving bond that mere words cant describe! I thought it was over forever…i sobbed all day long for weeks…sunk in a terrible depression…then something in me…maybe God’s still small voice ..said…that all this suffering would be for nothing…and whatever her unfounded anger would pass and she would come back! I let her know i knew..she never apologized…was mortified i found out…i said…the evi things we do in secret are always exposed..told her i still loved her…she had a newborn…and stopped all contact with her ….until she reached out to me! All the stress..anger and sadness faded away when i trusted The Lord! It was less than 2 months before she reached out to me! I had a very abusive mom who turned her back on me when i was an adult with kids and needed her and i decided that i could never do that…what if one of us died. Things are normal again…i had told myself i’d never trust her again..but you cant live that way! Maybe just let her reach out when she needs…kids today dont seem to have the respect that we did…but never stop loving them and praying for all you love…God does answer prayers!💗💗💗💗 God Bless you and your family!💗

    • Children now a days can be monsters. I am 28 and I have been angry at my mother but NEVER would I disrespect her. You have 1 mother, kids these days don’t realize until it is too late. Me being a mother myself now am learning how hard it is to parent and all the sacrifices you’ll make for us. I’m sorry you’ll women are dealing with this. I wish I could have my mother closer…. bless you all and stay prayed up

    • Thanks…i will never stop..i”ve loved God since i was 2 years old and rode my tricycle down to the church at the end of the block everyday as a Toddler in Illinois…lol..but true…Hes never left me…and I will never leave Him! Thanks!💗💗💗💗

    • I feel your pain. I have a daughter who isn’t speaking to anyone in the family. Or anyone who would be considered her supportive friends. She has said and done very hurtful things but God knows all about it. Don’t give up on her. Let her know you love her unconditionally. That’s what I’m trying to do. Praying for you too.

  12. I’ve been down a similar path and God led me to the same conclusions. A big aha moment for me was when I realized I wasn’t mourning the relationship I lost. I was mourning what I wished I had. Thank you for sharing your story! God is so good!

  13. My husband and I are going through some very hard spots with our teenage children and rejection seems to be the name of the game. Your post really was beautiful and touched my heart. I work daily on all you mentioned in your post and remind myself that if he allows it, he has a plan greater than we can see. I truly know that He is intentional! Thank you!

  14. God is always right on time. He knows when I have need of him the most. Thank you for reminding me to always trust in him and to remember that I sometimes need to be still and listen. He has never failed me yet.

  15. I’m looking at the prayer titles and I’m thinking how is God going to do this. A wife praying to save her marriage because an ex is back with her husband. And that same ex praying to get back together with that married woman’s husband.

  16. Thank you for this timely word i needed desperately,after 3 years of wracking my brain and heart about rejection from my sis who i loved really well i finalky see it as a gift from God to protect me from toxicity so i love her and miss her but accept this is Gods best for me now

  17. Works! My husband and I were separated for 14 months and during that time he had an affair. He filed for divorce and I kept praying. And 17 days before it was all final we call it off and got back together. With lots of continued prayer and deep intense Christian counseling we have made it to the other side and are doing fantastic. Prayer works wonders it might not help the situation but it will change your heart!

  18. Thank you for sharing this! I really needed to read this today. It spoke to my heart! I’ve felt abandoned by the man I love & who claims to love me. I’m pregnant and I have prayed fervently for three weeks asking for guidance and peace. I have questioned whether God forsakes me or was mad at me for my current situation. I will continue to pray!

    • He is as close as your breath. Don’t give up. I hear Him more now than I did before… I found out when you feel like He is far away, or maybe Hes nor even real… that is a test. He is making you stronger. Your feelings don’t always tell the truth… once I realized that not only did I hear God more… I saw Him working miracles. I know I don’t know you, but I know what you mean… I started saying God I can’t hear You, but I know you can hear me ” and almost daily “I know You are with me. I know you love me. I trust You” then my feelings change.. over some time it got so much easier.
      Jesus cried because Mary and Martha did not believe that He could resurrect their brother Lazarus.
      You don’t have to understand to believe.
      A few years of this went by and it was more painful than I can say, but a little over a year ago God woke me up in time to give me a miracle… to save the most important person in my life. He saved them… it was impossible. But I knew I had to believe. God did saved them. The witnesses who came to help knew it was God. Jesus is our Healer.
      He heals me in a daily basis. Things got better after that day and still are. My breakthrough is almost here. And best of all I have a closeness with God I never even knew was possible four years ago…I was never taught that or much of the Bible.
      Remember God cannot lie (Titus) He will heal your feelings as well. All He asks you to do is believe He is God and He can and does miracles everyday. And He loves us all… He is no respecter of persons. He will answer you as well
      If I had given up… I would have lost more than I knew back then.
      Isaiah 61 “Beauty For Ashes” His Word is as true as it was then. God doesn’t change, but He changes people everyday.
      God bless you… you have my prayers. If you have a second please say a prayer for me too. We all need prayer … I thank Him for His Holy Spirit every day now❤️

  19. This is so true in my life I have given everything that my heart is capable of giving and it is still never enough !!! I am going through this right now with a family members and a man that I thought really loved me but I give it all to God only he knows the answer !!!

  20. I have been here. And I can tell you it is horrible to live thru. The only thing that was a light during this time was talking to God in prayers. Pray without ceasing. And I did exactly that probably 2 years of emotional hell. But his grace we where restored. I encourage endless prayers . Don’t give up . Before I was a Christian I had a lifetime of failed relationships. Because I just moved on. God is truly the only way to peace. No drink , no medication , no running away or new person to fill the void will fix it for you! Trust this advice. In his time and your repentance and sincere prayers all things can be new again.

  21. This could not have come at a better time for me. God is moving and my life is completely changing. He has spoken to me in the most mysterious ways this. past week. If you listen, you can hear God speaking…thru others even our children. God’s timing is always right.

  22. Give me the grace to forgive. The wisdom to know when to reconcile. And the willingness to find closure in the absence of an apology.

    Thank You for reminding me that every person who does not love me well, only gives me a greater capacity to love others better.

  23. God speaks in ways we can not understand I thank you with all my heart for sharing this prayer with me. My heart has been raw for almost 2 weeks awaiting a phone call from my estranged husband, I have been torn asunder emotionally and spiritually about whether I desire this relationship to survive, even though I still have no answer I am more at peace than I was before. Whatever God says is what it will be.

  24. WOW, I truly love how God knows how to reach me when I’m struggling!! This has been weighing on me, and just yesterday I was able to identify the hurt comes from the rejection of someone I thought should/could/would eventually accept me and love me unconditionally. I’m meeting with my priest tomorrow for a personal confession around this. Please pray for me

  25. Thank you for God’s timing. It is amazing how He speaks especially if we are listening. Kinda experiencing this at moment…but realized this weekend I need to continue loving them even though they pulled away & shutting down. This is a female friendship. Only God understands their ♡. I need to keep loving them in the Lord, but I don’t need to subject myself to continual rejection without cause. God knows my ♡ as well. I need to allow Him to work…whether it is to continue as very good friends or just stay simple.

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