The Three V’s of Relationships


I often have asked myself:

Why am I here again?

Why am I so weak here?

When will this no longer be a struggle?

These are questions I ask about my date life almost every time I have a “situationship”.  I give up too much too soon and I repeat the same mistakes time and time again. Leaving myself to feel like a failure and a weak individual, but then God gave me the answer to all my questions.

He said to me (summarized of course): You need to check your values, your voids, and your vulnerabilities because there rest all your dating problems. When I heard this it all came together for me and my path begin to change, not like a fast jerk! Rather a slow turning of the wheel (mind) to steer me in the right direction. So let’s break this down.


Value is defined as a person’s principles or standards of behavior. I will use me for example for principles/standards of behavior in dating. My standards and principles are biblically based: no sex before marriage, no shacking, must be equally yoked and be devout to a church home.

Now that was what I said I wanted and here is what I acted out: premarital sex, sleepovers, they believed in “God” but myself nor him had a church home. So off top my dating values were real low.


Voids are defined as completely empty spaces. Basically places in your life that is not filled by God and are just open doors for mayhem. So for me in my dating life the fact that my value meter was low shows the empty spaces in my life! No church home, void! Having sex, void filler! Dating men that didn’t serve God was just a void filler for not having to be alone. I had more but must I go on?


Vulnerabilities are defined as a state of being open to injury. My spiritual security system should be armed with: the breastplate of righteousness, the shield of faith, the sword which is the Word of God, loins girded about with truth and my feet shod with the preparation of the gospel of peace. ( Eph. 6:14-17 )

In my dating life my vulnerabilities were high because my security system was either off or I was giving out the disarm code! I was having sex and not able to fight the feeling because I was open to being injured. I was being unequally yoked in relationships because loneliness had me wide open for attacks. Me not having a church home had me spiritually malnourished and as they say I was “thirsty”!

Once I was able to find myself in all these areas and see my weaknesses and my strengths. All the questions about:

Why am I here again?

Why am I so weak here? When will this no longer be a struggle?

I began to get answers and it made total sense. If I truly desire a Godly relationship that He will find pleasure in then I must: Value myself, make sure that there are no areas of my life void of God, Jesus Christ and the Holy Spirit and I have to always have on the full armor of God so I am never vulnerable to the enemies/flesh devices.

My key to a successful date life was outlined in the Word and all I needed to do is make it applicable.

I may still be single and out in the dating trenches, but one way I can keep my virtue, victory and my VCard is being aware of where I am in regards to my value, voids and vulnerabilities.

Aviance Byrd
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