Only God Can Change Him

only god can change him

Sometimes we come across someone who we find incredibly amazing. He meets several, if not exceeds the expectations we had for a mate.

As the relationship flourishes, we begin to explore great things, great dates but also discover each other.

This includes the good, the bad and sometimes the ugly. We discover that not only is he not perfect, I mean, who is? But we discover that he too has struggles with his spiritual life.

Commonly as the nurturing human beings that we are, we want to help him, fix him, and make him appear perfect so that we can justify the relationship and his shortcomings.

However, as women, but most importantly, as Christian women, we have to know when we have to hand over the torch to the only person who can “fix” him.

The only person who can cleanse him of all the hurt he has experienced, to renew his faith in himself, in love and in God.

We have to pass the torch to God. We have to let the creator do His work in him, so that he can be prepared to lead our home, our children and our marriage.

But I want you to realize that the head of every man is Christ, and the head of the woman is man, and the head of Christ is God. (1 Corinthians 11:3)

Ladies, although it hurts to leave and to feel like we are giving up, it is in fact the very opposite. We are giving God the space He needs to work in that possible mate.

You see, we can’t do what God can do. God has to work with Him to perfect Him.

He will teach that man to seek a relationship with Him before seeking a relationship with a woman.

God will teach Him self love and about the love that God has for him before that man can know how to offer love to a woman.

God will also humble him by showing him where he came from but also teaching him how to never go back to that place.

He will show that man how to come to his knees in times of trial and victory, so that he doesn’t run to the lusts of the world.

He will teach that man discipline, character and prepare him for battle.

One of the biggest lessons I learned from a recent break up was that I was being a distraction instead of help. I was expecting to be able to do it on my own and fix this man.

I was sharing the Word with him, praying with and for him, and being there for him. But the thing I failed to realize was that it wasn’t my job to change him. No matter how hard I tried, I couldn’t do it.

I had done all I could. I had only been getting in the way of his breakthrough instead of letting him seek God directly.

I was also doing it to selfishly fulfill my own agenda of fixing him for me, instead of letting God fix him for His own good.

But God spoke volumes and through the things He allows. He allowed me to finally realize that I was more in the way than helping.

I remember several times at the altar praying to God that if I needed to be removed from his life, to give me the courage and counsel to do so.

And although things didn’t happen smoothly, it finally happened. We are no longer speaking, but I know it is in God’s will. I know that it was the only way I would be able to distance myself from him and let him get closer to God.

Ladies, if you have gone through something similar, trust in God’s power to perfect that man.

And most importantly trust in God’s will that if that man is for you, he will bring him back to you ready for what He has purposed the both of you.

In the meantime, let’s use this time to seek God, his peace, his guidance and his strength.

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I am going through this exact same thing. After an amazing year, our beautiful relationship has ended. Not merely on my own terms, but because God told me to let go and let God. We made plans to get married and etc. I also unknowingly selfishly saw bits of brokeness in him and I would just pray for him and give scriptures and move on not realizing that it was satisfying my own desire. I understand now. My heart broke after he said that he needed a break after we hit a year. But only God can fix what is… Read more »


Im going through the exact same thing, Nita. God gave me a dream saying that I just needed to leave him alone and give him space at the moment. I am certain that he is the one God has put into in my life to be my husband. He has given me multiple dreams clarifying it. I just need to be patient and wait on His time not done.


I’m here, and though I want to wait and let God do his thing, I am 39 and hoped to have a baby since I dont have any, so my biological clock hinders my trust

Wow! God speaks yet again. This is EXACTLY what I’m enduring this very moment. It’s so utterly amazing how an article like this will appear at the precise moment I need to see it. Thank you God for speaking through this author. Amen!

I, my man; my relationship. .pure living proof of this…we even broke up for two years…we didnt even speak much .at some point before we broke up he said my problem was that i was too prayerful kkkk. Now he is an evangelist. I had to completely let go and be open to God’s choice. I then began to pray for my would-be husband according to God’s will. He is so transformed sometimes i feel like i am the one who is weaker in prayer. He is really giving me a run for my money as i try and keep… Read more »

Wow. Your testimony has really given me hope. Thank you for sharing.



This gives me hope but my age is now a factor since I will be 40 next yr and want kids. I just cant see my future with anyone else🤷🏾.


Yes! you so right. Thank you and God bless you. I trust God’s will that if this man is mine He will bring him back to me after He has worked on him.

I lifted up to you my Lord everything what’s going on right now in my life,I know you are doing something that is best for me so I am trying my best to be strong and have faith ,trust in You .i praise and thank you Lord Amen

Wow God is good since early this morning God been talking to me in so many way. In my way home i was talking to God about my espiritual life i was telling him to let me seek him no matter what I’m going through

Vonetta Carey

This is so true. Really resonates with me. I am letting go and letting God. It is not easy, but I know God’s will is best and I trust Him.


Reading this story reminds me of my struggle with my ex (children’s father). I saw the potential in him and I stayed and prayed (probably could’ve prayed harder) but I couldn’t get through to him. I couldn’t get him to love me like I loved him nor could I get him to be a man/father the way I though he should have. We were in a very long semi toxic relationship but I loved him so much that I didn’t want to give up on him for him, the kids and me. I finally gave in and had to let… Read more »


I share in your pain, but I also know that the God we serve has perfect timing and a perfect will. Stay faithful 🙂


Thank you! I’m trying the best I can. Reading and journaling helps a little. I question “when will it be my turn?” all the time knowing that I have to trust his plan. I say…everything coming to me must be pretty amazing because I have held on and been prayerful and have been trying my best for these last 4 years of singleness, “single momness” and lonliness. He is going to blow my mind with greatness!

Amen!!!! I have tried to help him and get him on track to get his self together to take care of both of us, but ended up not being able to care for my needs and losing my happiness instead. It’s time I take care of myself again and let GOD work on him into growing into a Man

Amen!!! This was and is my prayer as well for the guy I was just dating. Praying that God stirs in his heart and draws him closer to Him in obedience….that God would do incredible miraculous things in him. He’s truly an amazing man who I fell so incredibly hard for, but I am trusting in the Lord and His plan. Regardless of whether or not I am in the picture or ever brought back into his life, I pray for and lift him up to the Lord, knowing and trusting that God will do big things in and through… Read more »

I had seen this quote many times but have been resonating with it a lot lately. “Ladies, let God make a man out of him, before you try to make a husband out of him.”

Devinda Gunasekara has been changed ??

Yes i love myself . I deserve the best

Natasha Adam

I have a feeling that this man I was dating was a sign from the Almighty since I got a sign. Due to my trust issues and being a shy person, I had insecurities and fears that why would someone wanna date me? Turns out that he is apparently shy as well but gave me several chances to make it work between us and also spoke about marriage. As of now, we are no longer in contact(He deleted my chats and unfriended me).I always tell myself if he is the one for me, he will surely be back and this… Read more »


So timely. I am on my knees following the prompting of the Holy Spirit. I am just in obedience to God’s call. On my own, I cannot do a thing. Someday I will be back here with a testimony….not so long from now 18/09/19. All for God’s glory.


This is exactly what I’m going through! Thank you for this!

Eva Nkem

This was me sometime ago but now I know better. There is nothing as beautiful as God’s gift to you.


Thus is exactly what I needed to hear


Exactly what I needed to hear tonight! Stepping back and letting God have the lead is so difficult especially when it involves someone you love. I am learning everyday to do this, but man it can be torture sometimes.

Vonetta Carey

I so agree with you. Not easy when you love someone and you want to be with them. But it is truly an act of love to let go and allow that person to receive all that God has for them.

Amen. Been trying to do that, my entire life. Now, letting God change my unsaved husband. Not my job any longer. My job is to work on me, with God leading me forward.

So I should distance myself and leave in order to allow God to work in my husband’s life? Struggling with this very battle right now.

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