After many years of not meeting someone that I believed would be a good match for me and me for him, … and someone I was willing to invest my time in and for, I finally have a special man in my life.
We met about a year ago, and over the last six months we have shared, and learned so much about each other. We developed a friendship that we have recently recognized and acknowledged as now more than friends.
As we continue to grow closer, of course we discuss even more personal things about ourselves. We share our past, our present, and the things we’d like for our futures. We talk about our regrets, our sorrows, the things that make us happy, our faith, our families, our hopes and dreams. And, I find myself so very thankful we share so many things in common!
After every conversation we have, I pray a prayer of thanks to God for putting this man in my life – whether it be for a time – or for growing old together – of course God’s will not ours, but still so very thankful!
For so long I have waited for someone like this to be a part of my life and me a part of his. Yet, … there is an ever present “but”. You know what I mean? … Things are great, but … He is wonderful, but … We are loving life together, but …
My problem? I don’t know how to get around the “but”.
I have prayed about this. I have tried trusting that God will handle this. I have tried telling myself, it will work out in its own time. But, the closer this man and I get, the more I worry. I don’t want to lead him on in the wrong way. I don’t want for him to end up feeling like I betrayed him.
What am I talking about?
I have a secret … a personal, embarrassing, yet important secret … that I NEED to share, BUT … that I don’t know how to share, or when to share … without turning him off, without making him feel like I led him on, without hurting him.
Though we have not been sexually active, … one day I hope that we are! The closer we become, the more I look forward to one day sharing more than just the spiritual, mental, emotional, and affectionate parts of ourselves with each other.
My secret? … Well a secret is not something one normally goes around sharing … unless trust has been built and there is a certain level of comfort. Only … as we have been building trust … I have begun to wonder when the right time to share my secret is … When is too soon? How long is too long to wait to share something?
My secret is that I have genital herpes.
My conscience will NOT allow me NOT to tell him!
Since the time (many years ago) that I had my suspicions of genital herpes confirmed, I have mostly practiced abstinence; since then redefining my relationship parameters. That said, I am not very practiced at telling men that I have genital herpes. And, I am certainly not practiced at telling someone that already means so much to me!
So many things have gone through my mind … I don’t know if he is “the one” or not, and yet I still ask … How do I move forward? How do I share this?!? When do I share this?!? Is this the straw that breaks the camels back? Should I just end the relationship? Or is prayer enough? At what point is it my responsibility to go ahead and share this very, very personal, embarrassing, and yet so important secret??
Suggestions, advise, and prayers are welcome.