I am 23 years old and my husband and I have been married going on 3 years now. We first met working at the same job and a few months later we got married. We did get married quick however I personally new that I loved him however I wasn’t thinking about the finances part. I married him knowing that he has a felony, knowing that he has two little girls, and knowing that he is a adopted person (ward of the state) However, he is the only person that has truly loved me for me. He has the motivation to look for work however his felony prevents him from getting good jobs. His kids mother just filed for child support and I am the only one currently working. Since we have been married we have had nothing but financial problems. I was brought up in a good home and went to college and have big dreams. We both love God and live in a 2 bedroom apartment with two dogs.
Here’s the issues I am having with my husband, in which I need some advice:
1) My husband uses the bible to give excuses on why he doesn’t have a job. for example, ” The lord will take care of all my needs”. This really pisses me off because I am the only one working and it’s very stressful
2) Every time I have tried to motivate him or encourage him, he listens and then tells me that he doesn’t want to do that because he will waste his time. Or he might say that I am caught up in materialistic things of this world. Or he might say that he wants to do an online marketing biz opportunity which so far hasn’t made him any money.
3) Every time I bring up the bills he always say I worry which I counteract with my reasons. It’s simple to put not fair. I have given up a lot of things I wanted to do because of this relationship; for example finishing school because I don’t have the time because I have to work. Or not working out because I don’t have the time because I have to work. Or putting off going to just a walk in the park because again I don’t have the time.
4) During arguing he always says that I am trying to change him and make him into this perfect person, which I am not. He says I am trying to control him. He says I am materalistic. And he always gets so upset that he says that it would be better if we weren’t together. In which,at this point, I always tell him that the door is there if he wants to leave. About 4 times he has packed up his things to leave and always comes back an hour or two later with some long speech on what he wants me to do. Every time he leaves a part of my love and patience grows thin.
5) He use to never clean up the house but now he does a little bit which I am happy with. However, we had decided to get dogs together. Now its been almost a year and he doesn’t take care of them. Doesn’t walk them or feed them (mind you, we live in an apartment) When I brought it up the last time, his excuse was that he doesn’t want to wait for a dog to take a dump. Which is so like mind boggling to me because we made this decision together.
6) My husband’s highest level of education is a high school diploma. Which I new when I got married to him. I have tried to motivate him to go to college in which he has however he dropped out because he said it was too much going on.
Ladies,and if there are any gents, I have tried every thing I can possibly do. I have been patient, I have been prayerful, I have been firm, I have given ultimatums, I have given tears, and I have given up most of my dreams. I believe in God, I believe in prayer however I am a “baby” in Christ. I don’t know what else to do. He doesn’t want to seek counseling. He is actively looking for a job however the bills continue to pile up. I am working 60 hours every week to maintain the bills. I have brought this to his attention in which he responded that I shouldn’t worry about who is doing what or more than the other person. He advise me that if I felt like I was doing too much then I should stop however where would we be? His answer: “God will provide.” I know God will provide however I refuse to stop working so much because then we will lose everything.
Again ladies, he is actively looking for a job and is a very motivated person however the extra push that he needs is not there and I am slowly drowning in stress. I have given my situation to God on countless of times and it has been three years and I am growing wearier. For example, when we first got together I explained to him that he needed to file custody for the girls, which he loves very much as do I. His answer: “she will never file for child support because she is too ignorant to do it.” Now its three years later and wham knock on the door and now he has been served.
Last thing, sex is no longer pleasurable. I find myself not even thinking about it. I will not cheat because that is not even right. My husband isn’t a cheater either. Sex is just boring, no matter what he tries I am just not into it. I know it has to do with how I view him as a man. I try very hard to give him the reins however he never makes the right decision for our benefit.
I told him we have $100, and we need gas for the week and groceries. You know what he did? He got $10 in gas $50 in groceries and spent $40 on some network marketing thing that hasn’t made any money. I am just tired of it all. I want to leave so bad but I am working so hard not to give up but I am reaching my breaking point.
I need some advice. I need spiritual or heartfelt responses. Also pray for me as that will ultimately give me the strength to stay with my husband and when two or three touch and agree the Lord grants thee thy heartfelt wishes. Thank you in advance for your virtual support and your prayers!!!!