I am lost, I mean completely lost, things are not going as I planned since almost 3 years now, I am 22. I lost my dad 4 years ago in a car accident, since then I’ve been battling so hard with my faith. He was our only source of income, a year after his death I met someone who at first was really nice to me, then it became a long distance relationship that had no future. I stopped it and started with this new man I thought would be my salvation. He was 32 then, but he was so controlling. I had no right to go see my friends, wasn’t allowed to have male friends, always checking who’s calling me etc.
Lately after two years of relationship, with so many ups and downs, we broke up and he automatically had a new girlfriend in less than a month. His neighbors were calling me to ask me what was going on? My friends living in the same area with him, calling me and laughing at me. We still made up. He promised to stop the relationship, but now having a trust problem I was at his house and I went through his messages (something I don’t usually do) and in his messages I saw sex messages, asking girls to come over to his house, etc.
At that point I felt so weak as if all my strength was going out of my body. When I confronted him he told me that if I ever go through his messages, I will regret it and that he doesn’t do that to me so I shouldn’t.
Please I am writing with tears all over my face. If only he just told me he was sorry and that he regretted it. I started insulting him. I was so angry, wounded. I felt used by him. I just wanted him to show some remorse and I would have been fine, but he broke up with me and told me I should find someone else. I don’t understand why he can be so mean to me. I was able to give my life for him if He wanted, I made so much sacrifices, why must he be so cruel to me, I am loosing my faith because I have been praying over and over but it’s like God is holding something against me. Why should I continue praying? My heart is in pieces. I am hurting.
How can I deal with this pain? I cry every single hour not because I want to, but I just can’t stop. The misery and loneliness I am feeling, its too much for me to bear
My heart goes out to you because you’re too hurt to realize just how much God truly loves you. These things happen to all of us. The good and the bad. Let’s not forget Jesus was crucified. Maybe in all your pain lies the answer you’ve been looking for. God does not hate you. He just wants you to quit looking for everyone and everything to complete you. You are already complete in Him. I’m not a psychologist, but just by reading your prayer request, It appears that since the death of your dad, you’ve depended on others to complete you and then when they failed you, you blamed God for allowing it to happen.
1. ”I stopped it and started with this new man I thought would be my salvation.”
Wrong! God is your salvation. No one will ever be able to take His place.
2. “If only he just told me he was sorry and that he regretted it. I just wanted him to show some remorse and I would have been fine”
Even if he is sorry, realize that you deserve better.
3. “I was able to give my life for him if He wanted, I made so much sacrifices”
Imagine if you had this kind of love and relationship with God.
4. “I am loosing my faith because I have been praying over and over but it’s like God is holding something against me. Why should I continue praying?”
Sometime we have to take God out of the equation and take full responsibility for our own bad decisions. I’m not sure what you are praying for, but if you’re praying for this ungodly relationship, It sounds as though God has already answered. Realize that God doesn’t always give us what we want. That’s where our faith comes into play. You have to trust and believe that even if things don’t go as you’d like, God has a better plan for you.
When we depend on others to rescue us or complete us, we walk right into the enemy’s trap. Remember, just as God sends people into our lives, so does the enemy! He preys on those who are spiritually weak. Strengthen your relationship with God and the enemy will find someone else to mess with.
I hope this helps. You’re in my prayers. God bless you!