I thoroughly enjoy Church services in the beginning of a new year. Every year I go to Revival at my church for three nights and it is such a filling, gratifying, intense, humbling experience to see women and men of God in one place, desperately seeking God’s Face and Hand.
People are often crying and sprawled out on the floor because they are in such need.
What those needs are? Only they and God know.
I’ve been there too. Some Revivals, it was a desperate need to change my health and mind.
One year, it was to help me get out of a destructive and secret relationship. Other years, it was to change my finances and my family. The next year, I desperately needed God to lead me to a Publisher because I had a message yet was bombarded with rejection letter after rejection letter. It just seemed like every year there was that thing that I specifically needed God to do on my behalf, through His Power.
But this year, was different. I felt content, satisfied, well and nourished in various areas, in this season of my life and gratefully so.
“I know what it is to be in need, and I know what it is to have plenty. I have learned the secret of being content in any and every situation, whether well fed or hungry, whether living in plenty or in want. I can do all this through him who gives me strength.”(Philippians 4:12).
Of course I need God every single moment and this new year will bring challenges unbeknownst to me at this present moment but overall there was no overt longing in me–not on the surface at least.
Unlike years prior, the one and only request on my heart, I felt timid to tell God about (though He already knows). It felt shallow. It felt not important or dire enough. It felt less significant than my other desperate prayer requests.
But my heart kept echoing in church,…
“ God, all I want is to be a good wife to a good Godly man . “
“Let us therefore come boldly to the throne of grace, that we may obtain mercy and find grace to help in time of need.” (Hebrews 4:16)
And so I didn’t boldly come to His throne with my request, as He desires for me to. I casually prayed. I suppose I casually prayed because somehow my faith had withered in this area of my life. As I am just a couple years shy of 30, I suppose I began to listen to the whispers of society and the enemy, saying “your time is ticking.” Therefore, I continued praying for other things and for other people, particularly my family, but failed to pray for the family that I long to birth.
I was speaking to my closest, Christian sister-friend and I casually told her how I was feeling. Earlier that day, she had sent me a moving article which spoke about not merely praying for momentarily afflictions but to pray for more eternal things.
I told her I felt silly for praying for a man. It seems so cliched and it didn’t seem very eternal.
And she abruptly told me: “it’s not silly, I hope your future man is praying for you too!”
Somehow, as He often does, God used her to reinvigorate my faith and to remind me that He hears me. And it dawned on me that sharing Godly love with a spouse and raising and parenting Children in God’s way, is truly of The Divine. That truly is of the eternal.
One of the tactics of the enemy is to deceive. It is to make us believe that certain matters of our hearts don’t truly matter to God. But we know God longs to give us the desires of our hearts (Psalm 20:4).
Furthermore, the enemy certainly wants us to not be prayerful about the love that we invite into our lives. If we keep God out of our relationships and selections and hopes, surely they will all fail. Therefore, I am boldly stepping to the Throne of Grace with Confidence as I lift up this prayer, I implore you to the do the same:
Dear Heavenly Father,
Thank You for being a God that cares about every single huge and tiny desire that is on my heart.
This year, I am believing that You are working in me and in my spouse. This year God, I pray that You divinely orchestrate events that will allow me to meet the person that You have for me. Give me the wisdom and courage to properly position myself in places that honor my request; help me to move beyond my comfort zone. God, I am praying for a good, faithful man after Your Heart.
I pray that He aspires to love me like You do. Send me to the man who is already praying for me. Help my faith in my season of waiting.
I thank You in advance for all that You have for me in this New Year. I put the statistics aside, and I choose to believe in You.
In Jesus’ name.