Before You Buy Another Book on Singlehood…

While surfing Facebook, I ran into several advertisements for books/ebooks that promise to help single women find a man in the church, or giving advice if you are in the church, still single and can’t find the elusive “Boaz”.

I JUST accepted that God heard every one of my prayers for a husband and then BOOM! I am told that I’m doing it all wrong and said book has all of the answers for a small fee. At that very moment, I wanted to scream! I felt like I was in the middle of a late-night infomercial: Buy this book and catch a man or your money back guaranteed. Since when did being a single bible believing woman become such a cash cow? In the past year, several books popped up in the social spaces promising to share “never before known” knowledge on why I am single and how to resolve the “issue”.

Wait what?

Now one may ask “what’s so offensive about that?”. “These are people who are only trying to help single women”. Ok. I can’t deny that there is a growing audience of women who want their perpetual single season to end and end quickly. So, maybe you are right.

Maybe.

Then I will ask, is the book truly meant to edify, strengthen and encourage single women in the truth of God’s word or further the personal philosophy of the writer while promoting their name? Is the book truly a glass of refreshing cold water in the middle of a dry season and not another glass of soda with syrupy words that temporarily satisfy then leave the reader more thirsty and unsatisfied than before?

Single women are being bombarded by messaging that suggests this is the most undesirable time of life and we need to “do something” about it. Isn’t it enough that there are some people that just don’t get the fact that we are waiting for God’s best, who try to lovingly “push” us into cyberspace to “find” a man or “be in the right place” in order to be “found”? What about when some of the books are written by single men telling single women what to do in order to “catch a man”?

Really? Did I miss something somewhere?

The sad thing is, the sisters in the faith are eating this up like a pint of Haagen Daas on a Saturday night.

Now, the frustration here is not with the married (and even single) sisters and brothers in Christ who went through the wilderness of singlehood and allowed God to transform their minds (Romans 12:2) then came back to minister to the rest of us through biblically sound books/ebooks and articles. It’s those whose ideas, thoughts and lifestyles just don’t line up with the way we were called to live and act (1 Thessalonians 5:16-22).

Ladies, your singlehood is sacred. Though it may feel like it sometimes, it’s not an albatross around your neck. It’s a personal journey that is shared with our Lord through prayer, scripture reading, and service to the kingdom. That being said, singlehood should be treated as a crown of glory. It’s an honor to be in a place where you can bless someone and leave a mark in this society. I believe if you treat this season as a special time in life, your attitude and narrative will change (including the book topics).

Yes, it’s hard to spend nights alone or have the desire to be matched with a husband unmet after what seems to be countless dates and disappointing relationships. An article came across my timeline about a couple (prior to their courtship and marriage) who took a break from dating and focused on God. I thought that was awesome. These two young people shifted their focus to God and in their actions God brought them together. Now THAT was a glass of water.

One of my married friends told me that marriage is a ministry and you must surrender to it daily (Did she just say marriage is a ministry??). How can you fulfill the role of a wife when you haven’t even surrendered yourselves totally to the heavenly father much less be willing to serve in a ministry at your respective churches? And if you’re still on the fence about totally surrendering to God, how can you surrender to the marriage? The books may talk about finding a man, but what about maintaining a personal relationship with the Lord first?

Don’t deplete your energy by buying yet another book just to “get a man”. Doing this may cause you to start rehashing things the Lord already settled in your life. If you must read a book about singlehood, make sure the author will edify and encourage you during the wait and not send you into the world, another church, or another city “looking” for a husband.

Christ came that you may have an abundant life (John 10:10). He hears all of our prayers (1 John 5:14), so take a deep breath, leave some of these books alone and relax. The Lord has everything including your singlehood under control. Remain in Him, fix your crown of glory, and live “single-ly unashamed.”