One woman's prayer request for her troubled marriage.

Early in my Christian walk I had a real issue with guilt and shame. Not with past sins, but rather the ones I committed after I became a Christian. My reasoning was that after becoming a Christian I should be perfect, that after confessing my sins to God and inviting Christ into my heart, I had to keep up the standard of purity God had given me. Of course I know now that my purity is God -given through Christ and Jesus' gift of salvation to me can never be tainted or taken away because of my bad behaviour. It is not based on my merit or my performance level but it is based on Jesus' one, true, complete and holy sacrifice. But back then, it killed me inside whenever I made a mistake. If I cursed, acted wild, gossiped or did anything I thought was out of character for a Daughter of the King to do I felt such a depressing feeling of guilt. I used to watch "church girls" in all the finery on Sunday mornings, hair perfect, dresses posh and so sure of themselves I always thought "I'll never be as "good" as them" - thinking they had a quality of perfection in God that I could never attain. I knew that Christ died for my sins, I knew that I was washed clean because of Him and I knew I had everlasting life because of Jesus' sacrifice but I could not absorb that truth because I was so preoccupied trying to be perfect. It drove me to a place of anxiety, self-righteousness and rigidity, without me even realizing it. I was never able to enjoy Christianity and the freedom from sin that it bought. I was never able to rest, counting my mistakes and "hiding" from God when guilt and shame took over. Looking back it was a slippery slope and I had gone...

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I never had a promise ring, but I wanted one. Christian culture taught me that in order to “earn” a husband, I needed to save myself. I needed to be pure so that I would be considered a good wife. I was taught that girls who didn’t save themselves would never be happy and would also have bad relationships. I was basically taught that physical purity would lead to a godly husband. Does this sound familiar to any of you? Never did I hear a sermon about my physical purity that did not directly correlate with marriage. The two were always connected. I believed these things for a while and even taught them to others. “Save yourself for your husband” was a common phrase I used in dealing with young girls. And then I realized something. I was 30 and had been “saving myself” and I didn’t even have any prospects! All the years of rejecting advances from men, avoiding serious relationships that might lead to sex and reserving even my kisses did not result in a godly man finding me. It resulted in me feeling lonely, confused and rejected by God and man. I was confused because I had done everything that was taught to me to “earn” a husband. I saw women of faith who were much older than me who still were not married and I wondered if maybe we had all done something wrong. Do you remember the things we learned to do to get a husband? Focus on God. I had that down packed, even to the point of going to seminary and becoming a pastor. Anyone who knows me well, will say that God is my first love. Don’t have premarital sex. I could have won an award for this since I went above and beyond and didn’t even kiss guys. Hand holding was a...